


Why Do I Wish You Were Here?

by queststar



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Rewrite, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Princess Emma Swan, Sleeping Curse, Slow Burn, Swan Queen - Freeform, True Love, True Love's Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:55:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 72,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23246629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queststar/pseuds/queststar
Summary: Emma is being wished into the Wish Realm by the Evil Queen. Regina comes after her to save her, but something goes wrong. Instead of Regina saving Emma, Princess Emma has to pick up her game, must become someone she is not and needs to save Regina, instead.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 117
Kudos: 236





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was stuck in my head for such a long time and as I finally started to write it, I thought I'd be done with 15k words or so. Boy, was I wrong. 
> 
> A few things to keep in mind while reading this fic:  
> The fic contains several scenes from the real Once Upon a Time series, mostly of Season 6 episodes 10 "Wish You Were Here" (hence the title) and 11"Tougher Than The Rest". Further along in the story, there are more references, but I'll notify you when they're there. 
> 
> There will be many scenes in italics throughout the story, mostly to reflect Princess Emma's dreams. Except for the first part, which can be read as a prologue. It's the final scene of S06E10's "Wish You Were Here" before Emma wakes up in the wish verse. 
> 
> Oh, and very, very slow burn. Stubborn idiots.
> 
> I hope to update on a regular basis, since the entire story has reached the end of its first draft. Subscribe and be notified :)
> 
> I hope you like it - by all means, let me know what you think :)

_"I believe I have three wishes,” the Evil Queen says gleefully. She seems delighted by the turn of events._

_“Go ahead and wish… they always come with a price,” Aladdin warns her, but he’s bound to whatever she wishes and they all know it._

_“That they do,” the Evil Queen says while she stalks between Aladdin and the savior like a panther, never looking away from Emma. Always keeping her eye on the prize._

_“Which is why I am not going to wish for something for_ me _,” she gleefully speaks and then bows forward a bit, as if she wants to let Emma in on a little secret. She lowers her voice._

_“I'm going to give you something… something you've always wanted. Something you confided about… to Aladdin."_

_“You heard us?” Emma says wide-eyed._

_The Evil Queen almost snorts. “Don't you know by now? I hear_ everything _._ You _wished you were not the savior." She steps backward and looks delighted as she continues. "So that's exactly what you are going to get!”_

 _She turns briefly, to eye Aladdin next to her. “Genie of Agrabah,_ I _wish that Emma Swan’s wish to have never been a savior… be granted.”_

_Emma looks up. She sees the desperation in Aladdin's eyes as he looks away and slowly raises his hand because he has to._

_"No!” she cries out while lunging forward and she hears her father cry out her name and -_

~*~

There's a hole in her heart. Not a physical one, but one that feels like she’s lost something big. Someone she loves deeply. And it’s strange because she hasn’t even lost someone recently. Her family is here, they are all fine. And apart from that, there’s no special someone in her life.

Emma hasn't felt like this ever before. Not even when her husband died, almost 15 years ago. Henry hadn’t even been born yet. She’d loved Baelfire, but their time together had been short. She had mourned his death deeply. Yet somehow, she knew this hurt, this intense longing was not for him. 

She feels like a part of her is missing. There’s an emptiness. With every breath she takes, her chest squeezes as if it’s going to implode with grief and it makes that she wants to cry _for no reason._ But why? 

It’s so confusing, because this hole in her heart, it wasn’t there yesterday. It started this morning. This morning she woke up and instinctively reached out to the empty side of her bed as if she expected someone to be there. Feeling groggy from waking up, she was confused when nobody was there. At first, her clouded mind thought that someone probably had already left before she woke up. It upset her that nobody was there and even more when she realized nobody was _supposed_ to be there. 

Maybe it's because of her birthday and it’s just melancholy. Or maybe it's because of the strange dreams she had last night of a strange world without magic and a beautiful dark-haired woman with haunted dark brown eyes who looked at her as if she could mean something more to her. She dreamed about a Dark Curse, a strange-looking town and a woman that saved the town together with her because she was the Saviour and that’s what she was supposed to do, and she felt a _connection_ with her.

Emma pulls up her knees and rests her chin on them. She’s never been a dreamer, but this one was extremely vivid. She tries to hold on to the face of the dark-haired woman in her dream but it slowly fades and Emma sighs when she notices it all fades away too far.

"Good morning, Emma!" She is startled when her mother waltzes into her bedroom. "Happy birthday, daughter," she chirps. Despite her confusing feelings, Emma smiles at her mother. Snow White is still the fairest of them all, she thinks, even when her once raven hair is now streaked with silver. And she is always able to lift her spirits with her endless optimism. 

"Thanks, mom," she replies. Snow wears a bright smile and the poofiest dress in the entire kingdom. It’s way too princessy for Emma’s taste, but she cannot find out why exactly. It is not her first birthday ball tonight, and she has worn dresses like these before without any hesitation. She’s always loved dressing up as the princess that she is. However, for some reason, something inside her is now repulsed by the pink cloud that’s being carried across her chambers. Still, she'd rather eat a fork that to ever admit it to her mother. Her mother lives for the balls she organizes and she’d never ruin one of those. 

"I just wanted to leave this here for tonight," her mother says, carefully hanging the dress before moving closer to her daughter. Emma lifts her face and Snow presses a kiss on her forehead before enveloping her in a big hug. "Get dressed. Breakfast is on it's way up."

Emma nods in appreciation and answers the hug firmly. "Thanks," she says again, burying her face into her mother’s shoulder for a brief moment, before she lets go. Something in her voice makes Snow pull away a bit and with narrowed eyes, she watches her daughter. She always knows when something’s bothering Emma and something is definitely off right now. "Emma, sweetheart, are you all right?" she asks and Emma can feel her mother’s investigating gaze.

For a moment, Emma wants to say no, I'm not all right. That despite today being her birthday, she feels off and she doesn't know why. 

But she doesn't want her mother to worry, especially not today because she knows how much Snow wants everything to be perfect for her daughter's birthday party. She is stressed enough as it is. "I'm fine,” Emma says, reaching for her mother’s hand and squeezing it softly. “I just had a strange dream just before I woke. I think it still bothers me a little. Can you send Henry to have breakfast with me?"

Snow's eyes soften, but she is not easily fooled and Emma knows they will have a conversation about the subject later, after the ball. "Of course I can. I will let him know that you're up." And with that, Snow White stands up from the bed and all but dances towards the door, humming a self-invented song, before she disappears from Emma's sight. 

With a sigh, Emma swings her legs over the edge of her bed. It must be the dream, she muses. It felt very real, the woman with the haunted eyes seemed so, _so_ sad and perhaps she’s projecting the sadness onto herself? Maybe that’s where the emptiness comes from? It’s the only logical explanation she can come up with. Somewhere inside Emma knows that she’s fooling herself, but she shakes off the feeling. For now.

Emma's feet reach the soft carpet next to her bed. She hates the cold stone floors of the castle, so her chambers are covered with carpets and furs. It feels soft and warm against her feet and she cannot help but cast a small smile. But when she moves her right foot, she bumps her toes against a small object that shouldn’t be there.

Frowning, she leans over to lift it. It is a package, small and square and neatly wrapped in blue shimmering paper with a bright red ribbon. The colors clash terribly so it isn't something her mother left behind as a surprise. Her mother would never wrap her gifts in colors that don't match. Snow is always very neat and organized in everything and she’ll make everything fit together. It makes Emma all the more curious who left it here. The blue paper shimmers in the morning light and Emma squints her eyes. She smiles. If she does that, the paper and ribbon look purple together. Somehow, it feels right.

Carefully, she unwraps the tiny box. The box isn't new. In fact, when the paper comes off, it looks like something that has been in storage for decades. With a furrowed brow, she opens the box and reaches in. When she retracts her hand, she holds something that looks like a big pendant. One that you can open, containing pictures of whoever you love. Its craftsmanship is beautiful, with tiny flowers surrounding the edges of the pendant. Somewhere in the back of her mind, there is something unsettling about it. I

The alarm bells in her head go off instantly as she opens the pendant. She doesn't see images of people she cares about but instead, she finds herself staring back at her own reflection in the compact mirror. And she doesn’t know why but the mirror startles her, she yelps and drops it on the floor which causes one of the mirrors to shatter.

Her son chooses that very moment to enter the room. He sees the horrified look on his mother’s face and moves quicker than the light to get near her. “What happened, ma? Are you all right?!” 

“No! Stay there,” Emma warns him, “I dropped a mirror and the glass shattered. Can you call someone to clean it up?” She remains frozen, not wanting to step into any pieces of glass around her. Henry turns and strides to the hallway, shouting for a servant to come and help clean up the broken pieces. Emma looks down at the tiny pieces of glass around her. She looks at her own broken reflection. She’s in pieces. Like her insides, she muses. The emptiness. The sadness. All broken. How poetic. She almost laughs over her own silliness.

She blinks with her eyes and shakes her head when Henry returns with the nearest servant he could find and she smiles at him. “I’m sorry, kid,” she says, “Just a little clumsy this morning.”

Henry rolls his eyes and it hurts her heart even more because there’s something about his eyeroll that reminds her of someone who she thinks she remembers but doesn’t. As if it’s a memory she can't bring to the front of her thoughts because it’s hidden in a thick fog. “It doesn’t surprise me one bit,” he grins. “It’s a good thing you don’t have to train for knighthood. You might hurt yourself with a sword.”

Emma doesn’t know _why_ , but she’s a bit offended by his words. She knows it’s true because she’s always hated swords, she’s never wielded one before, and she’s widely known for being clumsy, but right now, it stings. But she laughs with him anyway because she knows it’s never his intention to hurt her feelings. “You’re right, I’ll leave the swordsmanship to the professionals,” she says with a grin. 

The glass is cleaned up soon enough, and Emma steps behind the folding screen as Henry accepts the breakfast that’s just been brought upstairs. While he carries it over to the small table opposite of her bed, she dresses in a simple dress today, one that she can pull on herself. No corset, because she already has difficulty breathing. She’ll have to wear a corset tonight for the festivities already, so not having to wear one for the remainder of the day is a present she’ll give herself. When she’s done getting dressed, Henry’s gallantly waiting next to her chair. She smiles at him. Her beautiful, darling boy. “You look so mature already,” she tells him and he smiles back at her. 

“I’ll always be here for you, Ma. And I’ll always protect you.”  
  
“My brave hero," she says, fondly ruffling his hair. "Now, let’s have breakfast together and you can tell me what you got me for my birthday.”

~*~

Everyone’s waiting. Her corset is too tight and she can barely breathe. She bends over, looks at her target between her lashes and blows. The flame on the blue star candle flickers and dies. Her eyes follow the smoke, it twists and bends up and away, and the crowd erupts in applause as it vanishes into thin air. “Happy birthday!” she hears and she straightens her back. Her eyes catch her parents who clap the loudest of them all. “Mommy, daddy,” she fondly says, smiling at them. They made her want for nothing her entire life. She’s always felt cherished and protected. She knows she’s the luckiest daughter in the world to have them. 

Her parents beam at her and quickly look at each other. The brief eye contact between them is still one of the most loving she has ever seen, even after so many years. Truth to be told, sometimes she has been jealous of the love they always feel. The bond between Snow White and Prince Charming is so strong that nothing can match it, not even the love of their daughter. Nothing can come in between.

Her gaze falters, back to the table where a lot of delicacies are on display. All made by Granny, she knows. The elderly woman is a confidante of her parents and the best cook in the world and when she claps her hands, Emma knows that more food is on its way. 

“So tell us, Princess, what did you wish for?” Grumpy's question makes Emma raise her gaze again, and she looks at the dwarf. Grumpy is still a weird name for him because in her entire life, he’s never been grumpy. Not with her, anyway. It’s a name given long ago because of reasons she’ll never know, reasons that are no longer valid.

“Not a thing,” she replies, plastering a smile on her face. “Everything I’ve ever wished for is already here”. She catches the eyes of her parents who beam at her with pride. Grumpy laughs and turns around and Emma moves away from her spot behind the table. The pink fluffy dress twists around her legs and it annoys her. It restricts her movements and she hates it, but she can’t figure out why because it’s not like she hasn’t worn dresses like these before. She’s never had a problem with them. Then why now?

“Sweetie, something’s bothering you. What’s wrong?” her mother says with an encouraging smile. Always the smile. Always so perceptive. There’s not much that passes Snow’s keen eyes. For all her positivity and speeches of hope, she is never naive and spots a fake smile every time she sees one. Emma knows better to lie to her mother. So, she tells her.

“Last night I had a dream. That the Queen _did_ cast her curse. And that I was the Saviour, as you told me.” She looks at her mother with an uncertain gaze. It sounds ridiculous, she knows that. But it felt so real. A dream has never felt so real before.

“Yes, but with the Queen defeated all of that was avoided.” Her mother’s voice remains light, but in her eyes there’s worry for her daughter. Emma’s corset suddenly feels too tight. She feels restless. Out of place. Like she doesn’t belong. She has never been this upset by a dream and she wishes she can un-dream it, but she knows she can’t.

“Right. Right.” She quickly speaks, but she desperately wants them to know. To understand. “But in my dream… I was in a strange, fantastic land, unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. All of us. And someone with whom I saved the town from complete destruction. And this place… it had a name… it was called…" She digs into her memories and when she finds it, she feels almost relieved. "Storybrooke.” With a little hint of triumph in her eyes because she can remember it all so well (except the woman’s face, which frustrates her immensely) she gazes up to her parents who remain eerily quiet. Now, Emma's brow furrows.

“It was only a dream,” her father says after a short pause, grasping her hand and exchanging looks with his wife. Emma doesn’t like it. She loves her parents, but she hates when she’s not being taken seriously. She pulls away. “But when I woke up… I found this.”

She opens her other hand, revealing a compact mirror. “It was right next to my bed when I woke up. I- I dropped it when I saw what it was so one part shattered. But it is strange, right? That it’s next to my bed? It was even gift wrapped, in blue with red. Who put it there when I was sleeping?”

Now, her parents look a little more alarmed than before. They recognize the object, Emma can see it in their eyes. Perhaps by instinct, she knows why the mirror startled her so. She gasps. “Is it one of _hers?_ ”

Emma might never have known the Evil Queen, but she knows the stories all too well, growing up in Snow White’s castle. The entire castle is void of images of the Evil Queen but the tales live on. _Mirror mirror, on the wall_. It’s become a warning to keep small children in check. She might’ve used it on Henry herself, once or twice. 

Snow carefully takes the compact mirror from Emma and quickly snaps it shut. “It’s one of the Queen’s, yes,” she admits quietly, “Don’t worry, sweetie. We defeated the Queen. She is not coming back.” Her gaze is more firm now when she looks at her daughter, who involuntarily takes a step back. 

“But how do you know?” 

“Because we took care of it. The Queen can never return. This,” she says, raising the mirror in her hand, “This is an unthoughtful prank and when we figure out who’s placed it as a gift, they will be dealt with accordingly.” Snow’s smile is still there, but it’s faltering. Somebody has toyed with her daughter and she won’t have it. Her husband reaches for her hand and squeezes it gently, while they exchange a short look. It’s not the same loving look as they shared before. This one is darker. It has secrets.

Emma’s brow furrows. Her parents never have secrets, not for her anyway, and she’s not used to these glances. Instinctively, she holds out her hand to take back the compact mirror. She looks up, curiously, when her mother doesn’t give it back right away. 

“Oh, you don’t need this, sweetheart,” Snow says with a smile, but it is a wary one that doesn’t meet her eyes and it makes Emma even more determined to receive the object back.

Emma’s hand stays up. She wants the mirror and she knows she’ll have it when she asks long enough. For some reason, one she cannot put a finger on, it's important to protect it. She needs it. “It’s nothing. It’s just a mirror. I’ll keep it safe,” she adamantly says.

Snow hesitates but David nudges her, almost invisibly. Slowly, Snow raises her hand to return the compact golden mirror and reluctantly lets it go. Emma quickly pockets it before Snow has time to change her mind. Her father raises his arm. “Come, ladies. The party's only just begun. I believe I have the right to your first dance at your birthday ball, Princess,” he says gently and for the first time this evening, Emma smiles genuinely. She’s always been a daddy’s girl, she thinks, as she gladly accepts his arm. There’s nothing that he wouldn’t do for her; it’s always been like that. He leads her away and Emma briefly looks back at her mother, who seems deep in thought.

~*~ 

It was a great ball, Emma muses later that evening. And yet, she hasn’t enjoyed it as much as she thought she would. Her heart wasn’t really in it. It annoys her that her mood has been off on her birthday and she wishes it was different. She sits on her bed while a servant relieves her of her corset. The girl is chattering happily and usually, Emma doesn’t mind, but her mind wanders off, smiling absently at the girl while breathing in deeply. It feels good to be relieved of the wretched thing. 

When the maid wishes her a good night, Emma slides between the heavy blankets. In a reflex, she looks at the empty spot next to her and she rolls her eyes. Nobody was there this morning, and nobody will be there now, she scolds herself. She lies down, hands above the blankets, and stares up at the ceiling where the shadows, caused by the dancing flames in the hearth, seem to mock her.

She knows she should be tired but she’s too anxious to fall asleep. She holds the reason for her anxiety firmly in her hand. The small, round, golden mirror. Decorated wonderfully. The glass is broken but she knows she’ll have it fixed soon. She’s studied it so much today that the decorations are engraved in her mind. She knows every edge and flaw of the object and still, she studies it as if she’s never seen it before. It keeps pulling her gaze. It’s almost like the object wants to tell her something that she cannot quite grasp. 

She stares into the darkness, hand with mirror resting on her chest and her thumb softly caressing the edges of the object. And while she wonders who left it, and why someone would give her a mirror of the Evil Queen, of all people, she slowly drifts off to a sleep full of dreams of a dark-haired beauty who she feels she should somehow know, but she cannot remember ever having seen her before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Includes transcriptions of S06E10 Wish You Were Here and some of S03E05 Good Form (Neverland)

_ They are in a strange land, a forest she hasn’t seen before. The air is dense, humid, and it’s hard to breathe. They’re looking for something. Emma, her parents, a pirate, and a dark haired woman who always seems ahead or behind her, so she can never really see her face. But Emma knows, she  _ knows  _ it’s the same woman from yesterday’s dream. Hell, she even knows that she’s dreaming but that realisation, for once, doesn’t wake her up like it usually does. _

_ Her parents look different from the way Emma knows them. Younger. As if they are the same age as Emma, which doesn’t make any sense at all because how can they be? And all of their clothes are strange, not from this world. She’s dreamt of these clothes before. They’re Storybrooke clothes.  _

_ She looks around and the brunette, dressed in a stunning blue jacket, is still behind them. The pirate, who strangely enough seems to belong in this jungle, is walking up to her. He is a handsome fellow, but he makes her feel uncomfortable as if he wants something of her that she is reluctant to give.  _

_ They are searching for something, but what, she can’t seem to figure out. Despair lingers in the air, as if they’re on a mission impossible and time is running out.but if there is one thing she knows it’s that her family never gives up. And it is important, so very important that they find what they’re looking for. Sometimes it feels as if Emma’s feet are stuck to the ground and they’re not moving while she sees a black shadow flying high above her and it terrifies her and yet, she feels braver and more determined than she’s ever been to succeed because it’s  _ important _. And the bravery, the feeling of never giving up, it both feels strange and something she lives and breathes at the same time. There’s always another way, Emma thinks. _

_ And suddenly they are done traipsing through the jungle and they’re waiting for  _ something  _ to happen. which feels out of place because they  _ never _ just sit around and wait. But the brunette is finally next to her and she is talking to a glowing heart and apparently something happens because Emma flips out a pocket mirror, a mirror that she knows every detail of and opens it, and she sees Henry, much younger than he is now.  _

_ Emma feels suddenly relieved, at her side is the younger version of her mother and at her other side is the brunette who’s looking down at the mirror in the same way when they hear Henry’s voice; “Mom?” and for a moment, She knows that they will be reunited soon. Emma Realizes it’s Henry that they’re looking for but he’s never been lost this way. A lost boy, but he isn’t because he has Emma, and his grandma and the other woman whose name she just cannot remember.  _

_ “It’s operation cobra rescue, it’s  _ us!” _ Emma cries out while she almost tears up but so does the woman next to her, and then he has to go because someone’s coming and suddenly he’s gone.  _

_ Emma’s breath hitches with unshed tears as she closes the mirror and hands it back to the dark haired woman next to her, who then grabs her shoulder and shakes her softly. “We will be reunited, Emma. And then we’ll go home, I promise.” The sound of the woman's voice sends a shiver down Emma’s spine and she nods. They will find Henry and then they’ll return home, to a small town that she remembers vividly but where she’s never been before except in her dreams.  _

_ The brunette squeezes her arms. “You just have to find me. I’m trapped and I can’t get out.” _

_ Confusion fills her eyes as she locks her eyes with the brown ones opposite of her. It’s not about Henry anymore, she feels it instinctively. “What, you too? But you’re here! We’re on our way to find Henry!”  _

_ “Find me, Emma,” the woman says again. “It’s not what you think. I came to find you but I can’t get out.” _

_ Emma blinks because she  _ wants _ to but doesn’t know anything about the woman, who’s brown eyes are now piercing into her own, giving weight to the message. “But who are you?” Emma asks anxiously. “I-I don’t know where--” _

_ “Find the Evil Queen and you’ll find me,” the woman urges and then, she is enveloped with purple smoke and an alarming sound rings in her head and- _

With a gasp, Emma launches herself in a sitting position in her bed. Her heart is pounding, adrenaline rushes through her veins and she blinks swiftly, desperately trying to remember the dream. She vaguely registers the lights of early sunrise which means it is still very early, but she knows she can’t sleep anymore.  _ Find the Evil Queen and you’ll find me _ . The words reverberate inside her skull. Emma remembers the dream of the day before. The same brunette, hair cropped to her shoulder, strange clothes and a tormented look in her eyes. So very beautiful. And so far away that Emma’s heart aches. It hurts so much that it burns and she wheezes in agony. 

She longs for the dream, wants to return to it. It felt like a memory even though it’s just a dream What she saw never happened. And again, Emma feels like a part of her heart is missing, as if a piece of it is ripped out. Much like the glowing heart the brunette talked to. She needs to know more. Emma desperately tries to fall back asleep, but lies wide awake instead, until the maid knocks on her door to announce breakfast is ready.

~*~

In the morning, Emma needs some time to collect her thoughts. She wanders aimlessly through the woods and carries a basket to gather flowers for Henry’s knighting ceremony later that day. She doesn’t know why she chose to walk this way, why she ventured there of all places, but suddenly she stands in front of the grand statue of her parents, on the place they’ve defeated the Evil Queen so many years ago. 

_ ‘Find me, Emma.’ _ the words from the dream whisper into her thoughts, so maybe the path she took wasn’t as random as she’d thought, maybe she was supposed to come here? But why? Why here, why now? It all makes Emma’s hairs stand on end so she starts humming a song that her mother used to sing for her when she was little to comfort her.  _ ‘Someday my prince will come’ _ but it sounds utterly wrong in her ears and she couldn’t even sing it even if her life depended on it, so she quickly cedes the effort and the off key tones die out. Emma absentmindedly picks another flower as she hears the birds chatter around her.

Emma’s eyes wander up the statue once more and she looks at her mother’s face, carved in stone. Her mother knows something’s wrong. Emma knows that Snow knows. And Emma has the feeling it all has to do with the compact mirror that’s safely hidden in her bedroom. The Queen’s mirror is connected to the brunette in her dreams in a way that she doesn’t understand yet, but every time she picks it up, she feels closer to the woman, the mystery surrounding her. She’s seen her twice already in her dreams and wonders if tonight there will be a third time. Emma’s heart flutters at the thought. 

The dreams, they don’t really feel like dreams, though. It’s as if the connection is real. Emma knows it sounds ridiculous so she doesn’t say anything to anyone, not even to Henry. Or to Red, her best friend. 

Emma’s fingers touch the inscription on the plaque below the statue. “On this spot Snow White and Prince David heroically defeated the Evil Queen.” She feels the words under her fingertips and for the first time the words hurt her soul. 

Snow White’s words, “We defeated the Queen, she’s not coming back,” ring through Emma’s head. But how can her mother be sure? How can anyone be sure if she’s not dead but just  _ gone _ ? How long before the Evil Queen thinks her banishment is over and returns to the kingdom? Did the brunette give her fair warning?  _ Find the Evil Queen and you’ll find me - _ it suddenly feels like a threat. A shiver runs down her spine and it chills her bones. Suddenly, she is afraid to be out here on her own.

Emma retracts her hand from the statue and wraps it firmly around the handle of her basket, stepping away. She needs to get back to the castle and prepare for her son’s ceremony. Emma turns and moves away towards home, but can’t help to cast a glance over her shoulder towards the statue as if she expects someone to wait for her in the shadows at that very spot.

~*~

Her servant babbles about the knighting ceremony but Emma doesn’t really pay attention. Instead, her mind wanders to what the dark haired beauty in her dreams told her. ‘ _ We will be reunited, Emma’. _ There’s a pleasant ring to the words that the princess cannot place. It feels right. 

However, Emma has never been particularly brave and has never particularly liked quests. She’s never needed to go on one because not once in her lifetime has there been war or violent disruptions. She doesn’t even know where to begin, or how to wield a sword, so why pick her of all people? There are many people in this kingdom that are far more suited to aid a damsel in distress than she will ever be.

When her maid closes the busks of her corset Emma gasps. She  _ really _ dislikes the corsets these days. They make it impossible to breathe -- they used to do that before the dreams but it’s never bothered her before. All of a sudden, she wants, she  _ needs _ , more freedom in her movements and she feels constricted, trapped.

“All done, Princess,” the maid announces, and Emma gives her a smile to thank her, even though the smile never reaches her eyes. She looks in the mirror. She does look like a princess, but the title sounds a bit off-ish as well. As if she knows she’s one, but it doesn’t really feel like she is a  _ real _ princess.

And suddenly, she is immensely frustrated with herself. These foreign feelings make her  _ angry _ . She feels out of place in the castle, with her parents, and even with Henry she can’t be entirely honest and she hates,  _ hates  _ it. She’s never had secrets before and she fears feeling that nothing is ever enough, and the fact that she doesn’t know where those feelings are coming from. What is happening to her? Why can’t she  _ just _ be happy?

She groans in rage and blindly grabs the pocket mirror to smash it against the wall but just as she lifts her arm to throw, a knock on her doors stops her from doing it, and Emma quickly hides it behind her back instead.

“Emma, are you ready?” 

Red peeks around the corner and her eyes start to shine. “You look beautiful, Princess.” 

“Don’t call me that,” Emma snaps at Red. But the she-wolf’s never someone who’s been impressed with her moods and raises an eyebrow without saying anything. They’ve known each other forever and Red is her  _ best friend _ and so, Emma’s anger deflates quickly and she sighs deeply. Apologetically, she reaches for her friend’s hand. “I’m sorry, Red, I didn’t mean to snap. I guess I’m just nervous?”

The wolf smirks. “I can only imagine. Your son becomes a true knight of the kingdom today, you’ve got to be proud as a peacock.” Emma nods and is relieved that Red leaves it at that. She would have never believed the truth. While she takes the offered arm, Emma quickly shoves the pocket mirror between her blankets.

~*~

Emma stands besides her mother in the great hall, waiting for Henry. Restless and fidgeting with her fingers. Her mother eyes her carefully, grabs her hands and smiles, for once misjudging her daughter’s feelings. “Everything’s going to be fine. We defeated the Evil Queen once, and we can do it again. Let’s just focus on Henry’s big day.” 

Emma returns the smile, and it is a genuine grateful one. It is not what she is worrying about. Her eyes wander to the empty spot next to her as if someone was supposed to  _ be there _ . She gazes up at Baelfire’s portrait in the great hal. She misses him, and she is sad he is not here to witness his son’s rise to knighthood, but Emma know’s: he’s not the one missing here.

Emma can’t really put her feelings to words, but her hands stop fidgeting all the same as her mother squeezes her fingers. Snow White breathes love and hope and everything good and pure, and even though Emma has always been a pessimist by nature ( _ how _ , with all this true love and hope speeches around her?), Snow always manages to calm her down. Emma looks at her parents, who look like the epitome of royalty at this moment, clad in their full, official attire. Their mantles and their crowns are in sharp contrast with the clothes they wore in the dream she had last night.

Emma doesn’t want her mind to go there at this very moment so she smiles. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she says, her eyes shifting between the pair.

Then, her son is being announced with a loud thumping: “Presenting his Royal Highness, Prince Henry!” All the attendants turn to the entrance of the Great hall. Trumpets sound as the heavy doors are opened by the guards at either side.    
  
Emma’s breath hitches in her throat when she sees her handsome boy in full harness. Her heart fills with pride and something Her troublesome thoughts forgotten for a moment.

“Look at him, he looks so grown up,” Emma whispers and her mother squeezes her hand firmly, for a moment. Henry enters the hall, dramatic pauses in his steps, like he’d been taught, and the people of the kingdom bow their heads in respect as he struts his way up to the three royals in the center of the hall. When he reaches the center, after way to many unnecessary pauses, Snow gently unsheathes David’s sword and starts the ceremony. Emma smiles and nods encouraging at Henry, who returns a small smile.

Henry kneels down before his king and queen and Emma’s heart overflows with pride and love. Her son bows his head and after a moment of silence, Snow speaks in a royal tone. “Do you, Prince Henry undertake to accept the accolade of knighthood?”

Her voice dies out in the great hallway before Henry says, loud and clear: “I do.” 

Immediately, King David continues: “And will you conduct yourself in all manners as befits a knight of this realm?”

“I will,” Henry replies earnestly. 

His grandmother takes over again. “It is with pride in our hearts that we, Queen Snow, King David of the Enchanted Forest, do dub you…” -She places the sword on Henry’s right shoulder- , and then moves the sword to the left one, “A knight of the White kingdom.” 

Emma’s eyes are involuntarily drawn to the doors through which Henry has just entered as if something is about to happen at that exact same moment, As if someone would dare to disturb the ceremony, but it never does and Henry stands up, his new armour rattling in the silence of the hall. Her father steps forward and  presents him with the insignia of the White Kingdom. And when the insignia is firmly placed on his breastplate, Henry bows his head once more and turns around.  Everyone in the hall starts to shout and clap for him. 

Emma shakes off the feeling that something’s not right and steps forward, hugging her son. “I am so, so proud of you Kid,” she whispers in his ears and he returns the hug firmly. “Thanks, Ma,” he mumbles and his eyes shine. “Now you do have a real white knight to protect you,” he grins and she laughs, before he his surrounded by his friends and extended family. Because that’s what everyone here is: family.

She needs a little time to convince herself that  _ all _ of her family is here because she still can’t shake the feeling that someone’s missing. Her eyes wander over the crowd and because everyone she has ever known is here, she wills herself to let it go for the time being.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Includes partial transcriptions of S06E10 Wish You Were Here/ S06E11 Tougher Than The Rest, but used as I saw fit :-)

Emma has never wanted for anything, because everything has always been handed to her on a silver platter. She only needs to ask for it and immediately, someone is there to make it happen. It still works that way. She doesn’t have to get her hands dirty. There’s always someone who gladly wants to assist er. She knows she’s privileged, or even spoiled.

But this is something she needs to do on her own. She doesn’t want anyone to know what she’s going to do. Which is strange, because Emma never had secrets before. She didn’t have to. She could always talk to her parents about _everything._ Yet, something inside her tells her that she needs to keep this to herself. The fact that her parents keep secrets from _her_ doesn’t really help either. She clenches her jaw and is surprised by the gesture, because she hardly ever gets annoyed with her parents. 

The celebration for Henry is still going on. Queen Snow and King David know how to organize spectacular feasts but Emma quickly grew tired of dancing. She knows that her parents would love for her to find a new prince (“Someday her prince will come” sounds in her head and it makes her shudder) but she really doesn’t feel like talking to any of the suitors. And there are many, not all of them unpleasant, but she’s pulled up a wall around her and doesn’t want to let anyone in. It just doesn't feel right. It’s not that she wants to end up alone, long after Henry’s gone (and he’s been moon eyeing a girl named Violet the entire evening), but the people she met tonight - she can’t picture them in her life. Let alone till death do them part. 

Emma shakes her head to regain her focus while she moves through the dark hallway which are barely lit by candles and some occasional torches. This part of the castle seems asleep already. It cares nothing for the festivities hosted in the Great hall. Her footsteps echo through the abandoned area and for a moment, she enjoys the silence.

She knows exactly where she’s going. During the endless dances Emma suddenly thought of something and as soon as she politely could, she excused herself with her parents to rest, saying she doesn’t feel all too well. But instead of going to her chambers, she set course to the royal library. 

Emma stops when she reaches her destination. She comes here often, not just to find books to read but also to sit with their friend, Belle, who is staying over more and more at their castle, preferring it over her own. And that has everything to do with Belle’s father who urges her to marry a man that she really doesn’t want to wed. She shakes her head. These old fashioned ways of forced marriages; she’s never understood them. Fortunately, the White Kingdom is way more progressive.

She opens the door to the massive library and freezes momentarily, breath caught in her throat. Someone else is inside. Emma’s expected everybody to still be at the celebration. But Emma relaxes when she sees who it is and exhales in relief. Apparently, Belle’s also sought refuge with her beloved books. And maybe that’s what she needs right now. A friend she can trust and who can help her.

Belle is wearing a spectacular yellow ball gown that is just made for dancing and she nods at the princess as she enters the library. “You had enough of the party as well, huh?” Emma asks and Belle grimaces. 

“My feet hurt, the music is too loud in my head and I guess I wanted to go somewhere quiet,” Belle says and Emma wholeheartedly agrees. She drops down next to her friend and for a moment, they both savour the quiet, hearing only echoes of the party far, far away. It’s nice to just sit in silence.

“Belle, can I ask you something?” she then quietly starts. 

Belle looks up. “Sure,” she says, waiting for the question to come. 

Emma tries to find the words but her mouth opens and closes, without making any sounds. She must look like a fish right now. But she doesn’t want Belle to look at hear weirdly, or even worse, with pity. A glance that Emma might be losing it entirely. Belle waits patiently and Emma takes courage from that.

“I’ve been feeling off, lately,” she then slowly says, fidgeting with her fingers in a nervous gesture. “I don’t know why. I’ve been having very vivid dreams about a woman I’ve never seen before. And I thought maybe… maybe I can find out who she is. I need to know who she is.” She quickly looks up to see the look in Belle’s eyes, but the woman only smiles . “I- I thought that maybe she’s in one of the books I’ve been reading recently and that’s why she’s in my dreams?”

Relieved that Belle doesn’t outright laughs at her and even nods, Emma feels a bit more secure about herself and continues quickly. “I’m not even sure that I can find her in a book,” she quietly says. She plucks on her dress.

“That’s possible,” Belle answers, “I believe that our minds process things we do during the day in our sleep, including reading. Or maybe it is someone you’ve seen in a quick passing by.. So it’s not strange that you’re seeing someone in your sleep. And if she’s not in a book, she might be in the records the kingdom keeps. Do you have any leads on where we can start with the search?” Her eyes shimmer. Belle loves a good research.

Grateful, Emma squeezes Belle’s arm. “Well, she said something. ‘ _Find the Evil Queen and you’ll find me.’_ And even though I know the stories, I realized I don’t know anything about the Evil Queen. I don’t even know what she looks like since there’s no image of her to find anywhere in the castle. So I guess we can start there?” 

She knows she’s maybe a little too enthusiastic but now she’s started, she can’t stop and she feels determined. Her fingers are starting to fiddle again and Belle notices it too. She can’t help it, she fidgets when she’s nervous. Her friend gently takes her hand. “You’ve come to the right place,” Belle smiles encouraging. “I know exactly where to look.” She stands up and pulls Emma with her, and Emma lets her. A weight has fallen off her shoulders. She’s trusted the right person for this.

“There’s actually a _lot_ of information about the Evil Queen and about the war,” Belle informs her. “Not just stories, there’s also a lot of records. But there’s only one extensive biography about her life that includes pictures. I’ve never really read it, but I’ve browsed through it,” she says with an apologetic gesture. “I know where it is.” 

She takes Emma to one of the walls of books, before releasing her to grab one of the ladders. She looks up, trying to determine where exactly the book should be (Emma admires her greatly for this skill because she can never find anything in the library - she simply asks her Belle), and fixes the ladder to the floor. 

Emma waits while Belle goes up the ladder. They’re death traps to Emma. She remembers falling off one not long ago. Yet Belle makes it seem super easy, even with the very impressive yellow ball gown. Emma doesn’t really understand why Belle’s helping her, but at the moment she doesn’t care. And when her friend descends from the stairs, she has a book firmly tucked under her elbow. Together, they hurry to one of the reading tables that’s strategically set up in the middle of the room. Belle places the book on the table and opens it. Emma stretches her neck to read the beautiful penmanship, but Belle is ahead of her and reads the preface out loud:  
  
“This is the only and true history of Regina, daughter of Cora and Henry, later known as the Evil Queen. Take heed: many tales have been spun on how Regina came to be the Evil Queen and all of them are questionable. This book, written by a first hand witness, yours truly, will enlighten you on the hardships young Regina had to endure before finally succumbing to the dark magic that followed her wherever she went. This book will tell you the true story of Regina, the Evil Queen.”

Belle looks up after reaching the end of the page, to see if Emma is still listening and sees how the princess is drinking in all the words. “First hand witness? Who wrote it?” Emma asks.

“It doesn’t say,” Belle says, going back a few pages to the title and looking at the book cover. “Maybe they will reveal themselves in a later chapter?” She eagerly turns a page, and there’s an illustration. 

“Oh, look, here’s the first picture.” Belle holds up the book and Emma recognizes the face instantly. Her eyes widen immediately. She staggers backwards in shock, instinctively trying to get away from the image until she reaches one of the armchairs while realization dawns, and she nearly topples over until she is half sitting, half lying in the chair. Alarmed, Belle drops the book on the table and hurries to her friend. “Emma? What’s wrong?!” 

“I-it’s her,” Emma cries out. She breathes shallowly and feels like she’s about to faint. Her face is sickenly white as she realizes who it is that visits her in her dreams. She tastes bile in her throat as if she can throw up any moment now and frantically breathes in and out through her nose. “S-she… _she’s_ the one from my dreams. _How_ can it be _her_?!” 

Belle’s eyes widen and it’s not the reaction Emma needs right now. She gasps. Adrenaline rushes through her veins. “Is the Evil Queen coming back?” Emma squeaks at Belle.

“I don’t know, Emma,” Belle honestly says, a little unsettled now as well, “From what I understood she’s banished with the help of the fairies and can’t come back even if she wanted to.”

“Then _why_ is she in my dreams?” Emma desperately wants to know. “What does she _want_ from me?!” 

Belle shrugs tentatively, because she doesn’t have an answer. For a moment, an anxious silence settles between them.

“She can’t hurt you in your dreams, Emma,” Belle slowly says. “Maybe… maybe, when she’s in your dream again... you should try and talk to her? Figure out what it is that she wants from you?”

Emma swallows thickly and turns even whiter at the spot but she nods anyway. It’s not as if she has any choice in the matter because she can try to stay awake and avoid to dream like that, but she knows that at some point she’ll have to close her eyes. She is scared, upset, and she doesn’t want to do this anymore. She is not brave. She is not a hero. She doesn’t want the Evil Queen to reach out to her. She didn’t ask for _any_ of this. 

She’s nauseous, her insides are coiling and she’s short of breath but she straightens her shoulders and stands up. She’s still a little unsteady. “All right,” she murmurs, barely audible, “I’ll do it.”

Belle grabs her by the arm, to stop her from swaying. “I’ll read the book, okay?” she offers quietly, “If there’s anything that comes up that I think is important, I’ll let you know.” 

Emma looks into Belle’s worried blue eyes and nods, but it’s barely visible. Then, she turns around and exits the library, haunted by the visions only she can see.

~*~ 

_She knows she’s dreaming again. She realizes where she’s at, walking through the woods and stopping at her parents’ statue. Her fingers trail the structure of the letters._ “On this spot Snow White and Prince David heroically defeated the Evil Queen.” 

_“Em-ma,” she hears, and she swirls around and as if she burnt herself on the letters, she grabs her fingers with her other hand to stop her hands from shaking. The brunette standing behind her looks like exactly like the image she’s seen in the book, but different at the same time. Her hair is shorter, neatly cropped to frame her face, and her clothes are not from this world. She wears a black jacket with a standing collar, red hems and golden buttons. It looks like the outfit a prince would wear, Emma thinks while instinctively taking a step backwards, but her mind reminds her of “_ Someday my prince will come”. _She shakes it off. She has to remind herself who this woman is. Even though the brunette has a somewhat hopeful smile which she can’t place on someone who’s evil - but is she really, she, who is --_

_"You… you’re the Evil Queen,” Emma breathes, wide eyed and not really knowing what else to day. The emotions that she experienced after her discovery in the library are washing over her immediately. She’s upset, wants to get out, is scared and instinctively wants to run away in this ridiculous dress. And it’s all visible on her face._

_The Evil Queen frowns and she suddenly seems a bit insecure. As if she hasn’t anticipated this response and as if she thought Emma would say something else. Maybe even recognized her in a different way._

_“You… don’t remember me.” It is not a question but a statement as that realization hits her. It is as if she had expected Emma to know who she was at first sight._

_But how could she remember? This woman was banished from her lands even before she was born and nowhere in the entire castle can you find paintings of pictures of the Evil Queen. Well. Except in that one library book._

_"I know exactly who you are,” she says sharply, trying to keep the offense, because even though the Evil Queen terrifies her, she doesn’t want to show it and lifts her chin. She ruins her own image of bravery by taking another step back. Her hands tremble and she quickly folds them together. It’s not fear by definition. It’s more like… caution, she tells herself (but who is she really kidding). “My parents banished you,” she adds._

_Uh - No, they didn’t and…" The Queen raises her hands, waving them around her, arching her eyebrows and Emma tenses, is waiting for magic to happen but then it doesn’t, "None of this is real. I’m your_ friend _.” She emphasizes the final word and takes a step forward, before stretching out a tentative hand as if she’s not really sure what to do next._

_Emma is surprised by the bold statement. Even though she has seen this woman in her dreams, she’s never seen her before in real life. To make a statement that they are friends? That’s a little too much for her to handle right now. However, Emma undeniably feels a connection with the brunette. The Queen’s eyes are warm and somewhere it almost feels familiar and it makes Emma’s heart skip a few beats. And it startles her and her self preservation reflexes kick in. She needs to push Regina away._

_“You’re no one’s friend,” Emma snaps, hugging herself, “My father says you’re a liar.” She needs to create a distance between this woman and herself because she is tempted, oh so tempted, to take the offered hand. But when the hand falls to the brunette’s side Emma feels bad about her words._

_“It’s not a lie. Where we’re from… we actually share custody of a son.” Emma now looks utterly confused, brow furrowed, and Regina tries to explain further. “Okay, it’s complicated but… I risked my life coming here because you’re the Saviour. And your family needs you.”_

_“My family is here,” Emma counters. “And I never was the saviour because my parents defeated you before I ever had to. I’m no hero, my parents are,” she continues, waving slightly at the statue behind her. She sees how the warmth in Regina’s eyes slowly turns into something else. She sees despair, but it is all too hard to think about because of all the things she feels. It is all too hard to grasp._

_I don’t understand,” she says, the same despair she sees in the other woman’s eyes ringing through in her voice, “Why are you here? What do you_ want _from me?”_

_“I want - I need you to come home with me. I need you to remember. This life you think is real -- it’s really not. Your life is in Storybrooke with your parents, your son, your…” Her voice falters and Emma doesn’t really know if she wants her to continue. As if what she is going to hear next is something that she doesn’t want to. But there’s one thing that unsettles her even more than unspoken words._

_“S-Storybrooke..? How do you know my dreams?!”_

_Regina lifts her hands and rolls her eyes. The gesture is all too familiar and Emma shivers while Regina says: “This IS the dream, Miss Swan!”_

_Emma is not willing to believe that. “My life is here,” Emma cries out, arms raised in an equally frustrated gesture. “And you, you’re banished. You’re_ not even here _right now because it is a dream and I don’t know what I need to do. You…” Her breath hitches, “You_ scare _me.”_

_There’s a deafening silence between them and it weighs heavily on both their shoulders. Emma clearly sees how the brunette’s gaze falters and how the emotion vanishes from her eyes - her face goes completely blank. Instinctively, Emma knows Regina’s putting up a wall. Up till now, Emma had the feeling that she could more or less see what the Evil - was she really, because so far, she hasn’t seen any evil - Queen felt, because it was written all over her face, but now she can’t anymore and she feels an instant loss._

_"Why," Regina says, "Why do I scare you?"_

_Emma remains silent as she ponders the question. "You’re the Evil Queen!" she says, tentatively._

_The brunette acknowledges it with a slight bow of her head. “And what did I do to you?”_

_And Emma doesn’t know. She doesn’t have an answer. Maybe she’s scared because of what Regina makes her feel. There’s a tornado raging inside, rummaging through her veins and despite it’s the Evil Queen in front of her which should make her turn around screaming - she’s never been the brave one, more like the scaredy cat who’s fortunate enough to have a lot of brave people around her - she doesn’t. It’s the emotions she feels that make her anxious. Not the woman itself. She lightly shakes her head, as if she wants to clear her head._

_"Did you find my gift?” the Evil Queen asks after a pause._

_Emma’s head jerks up, surprised by the sudden change of subject. “Gift?”_

_“Yes, dear. My mirror.”_

_“W-what? You sent it? B-but how?” Emma stammers. In her head, some pieces of the puzzle fall into place, but they are too small to make sense of everything. Instinctively, she steps closer and freezes when she notices her own actions._

_The corners of Regina’s mouth turn up when she sees Emma’s reaction. “Magic, Emma. I am trapped in dreams, but apparently, I can still conjure a message across worlds.” She seems pleased with that. “I hope my gift made you remember at least a part of our lives together.”_

_And Emma remembers. “The jungle,” she breathes. She is confused and it is strange, but it seems that Regina regains some hope because of her confusion._

_“Neverland,” Regina corrects and Emma knows for sure that she’s never been there._

_“Neverland’s dangerous. I know the stories. I’ve never been brave enough to go there.” She shivers. The tales about that realm frighten her even now she’s a grown up._

_“Emma,” Regina scolds her gently and instinctively, the Queen steps closer. “You’re one of the bravest women I know.”_

_“I’m not,” Emma protests with a desperate gesture, stepping backwards until her back reaches a tree so she’s trapped, and she sees Regina come closer once more which causes her to gulp visibly and her heart rate goes up, “I don’t even know how to use a sword.”_

_“Oh, but you do.” Regina smiles encouragingly at her and arches an eyebrow, before casting her a glance as if she wants to let her in on a little secret. “You even slayed a dragon with one.”_

_“I didn’t…" An image of a dragon and a sword flashes before her eyes but it’s like a dream in a dream. It’s not real, she reminds herself. None of this is. Her mind is playing tricks on her, or maybe the Queen is messing with her head right now and Emma_ has _to remember that none of this has happened - she never really was one to take a leap of faith and she’s sure as hell not going to start now because why would she ever risk her lives willingly, she’s not a hero after all - and that this woman is still the Evil Queen her parents defeated so long ago._

 _“You did,” Regina persists, brow furrowing because of Emma’s stubborn refusal to believe anything she says. “Look at me and tell me if I’m lying to you. You could always tell when people were speaking the truth. And I… You always have been able to read me.”_ _  
_

_It is true, Emma realizes. Regina is not lying to her. And she’s right - Emma always knows when people are lying or evading the truth. Henry has called her the all-seeing eye, when he was younger, because he hated it that she could always tell when he was bending the truth. He always thought it was magic. Question is, how does the Evil Queen knows that? And why does it look like that she_ is _telling the truth? It can’t be true, but the honesty radiating from the brunette says otherwise._

_Regina takes another step but then stops right outside Emma’s personal space and raises her hand again for Emma to take. The gesture seems so… natural. As if she’s done it before, multiple times. As if they do things together all the time. As if she’s counting on Emma to take it._

_Emma’s thoughts are all over the place. She fidgets with her fingers. Her eyes shoot from Regina to the trees and the statue next to them, and back to the brunette. She vaguely remembers_ something _that's just out of her reach. She sees visions of a town - Storybrooke -, versions of an Evil Queen that do not make sense, she remembers the dream of the two of them shooting magic at a diamond, she remembers a young boy - “I’m your son” and of course he is, how can he not be - and an underworld, she feels darkness and instinctively, she grabs the outstretched hand for_ safety and trust _and -_

_She stops spiralling immediately. Baffled, she looks up. It’s a dream and yet, the touch seems more real than anything she’s ever touched before. Regina watches her carefully, as surprised as Emma is, apparently, and her mouth slowly turns into a small smile. Emma swallows thickly, feels a pleasant shiver run down her spine. And she realizes that she doesn’t feel her hurting heart. On the contrary - she’s never felt so in tune with someone._

_It is all so confusing. Emma’s legs give away and she sinks to the ground, and if it wasn’t for Regina, Emma would’ve crashed unladylike to the forest floor. The Queen gently guides her to sit against the tree and squats in front of her, not letting go of her hand. As if she, too, needs the touch. They’re both grounded now. Even if they’re just characters in a dream._

_“I still don’t believe any of it,” Emma murmurs stubbornly, but Regina just snorts._

_“That doesn’t really surprise me, I guess,” the brunette sighs. “You were always the biggest non-believer that I have ever known.” The words are not very kind and there’s an eye roll accompanying, but for some reason Emma’s not offended. It feels.. natural, maybe._

_“You were always very good at putting up shields, Emma,” Regina continues gently. Her thumb absentmindedly caresses the princess´ hand, which makes Emma shiver involuntarily - in a surprisingly pleasant way. “It took me a while to get through those shields, but when I did, I really got to know you. In this realm I might be the only one that truly does.” She smiles wistfully._

_Emma is too overwhelmed to go against it. She’s still clinging to rationality. This is a dream, she silently tells herself over and over again. She’s never met Regina. But a nagging voice in the back of her head keeps questioning her. And it doesn’t help that these dreams feel more real than reality ever did, which might have something to do with the Queen still holding her hand and the touch makes her feel a little queasy inside._

_In any case, real or not, she feels the need to retract a former statement._

_“I was wrong,” she speaks up, and Regina eyes her, silently wondering what she’s talking about. Emma’s not smiling, but her brow, that’s been furrowed during the entire encounter, relaxes slightly. “You’re not_ so _scary.”_

 _Regina smiles while softly squeezing Emma’s hand again, and Emma sees how the Evil Queen relaxes again. And Emma's confused about how her stomach twists because of it - and how_ happy _that makes her feel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise: protected, spoiled princess Emma will be less awful in future chapters. It might take her a little while ;)


	4. Chapter 4

She doesn’t really know who to ask, but encouraged by her dream Emma wants to try and wield a sword. Just to know if she indeed can - maybe she’s still searching for signs that these dreams are real in some way and is looking for confirmation that Regina’s right. Or maybe she wants to fail enormously to prove the Evil Queen wrong because she  _ is _ useless with a sword.

In any case, the latest dream triggered a restlessness inside her. Her fingers itch to  _ do _ something. She catches herself impatiently tapping her feet during breakfast, and she only stops when Snow frowns at her. It doesn’t matter today. She wants to find a teacher as soon as she can. So after breakfast, she sets out to find one.

She asks Henry, but he snorts before saying that she’d probably chop off her own foot in the process and that she doesn’t need to worry about being taught because he will always protect her anyway. He hugs her tightly and misses her furrowed brow.

She asks Red, but the she-wolf says that swords aren’t really her thing. Then, Red asked if she is still worried about the Evil Queen coming back and please,  _ please  _ don’t do anything stupid. Emma needs to promise Red that she'll include the she-wolf in her plans.

She asks the Huntsman, but he only eyes her warily before he stalks off without saying a word. She’d momentarily forgotten that people aren’t really his thing and she won’t make the same mistake again.

She even reluctantly asks her mother, although she really didn’t want to because Snow already worries about her, but now she only smiles and tells her to get rid of that silly idea because they haven’t needed swords in their kingdom for ages. 

She’d wanted to ask her father - he can never refuse her anything - but he is nowhere to be found in the castle, and they tell her that he has left for a day or two on a diplomatic mission to the Golden Kingdom because King Midas needed advice.

It is frustrating, really. Emma can hear herself growl, which sounds not very princessy at all, and then she sags down on one of the many fairytale-like benches, meticulously shaped from wood, in the royal garden. Her feet taps the ground impatiently and she tries hard not to pout. She can always ask one of the knights and swear them to secrecy. They can’t refuse anyway.

Then, she hears someone behind her and she tilts her head, slightly startled to see Mulan so close. The warrior always manages to sneak up on you without a warning until the very last moment.. 

“I heard you wanted some lessons in swordsmanship,” Mulan says. She speaks calmly and it isn’t a question. She’s merely stating a fact. 

Emma nods in surprise. “How do you know?” she asks. She hasn’t kept it a secret but this news travelled fast.

“Red told me. Henry told her.” Mulan’s never been a woman of many words, but Emma knows her. Mulan is the best sword fighter there is. If she can’t teach her, no one can.

“Yes, I want to,” Emma says, suddenly eager and she jumps up, “when do we start?”

“Well, today, if you want.” Mulan smiles gently, such a contrast with how she can be in battle. 

Emma nods firmly. “All right,” she says, “but let’s keep this between us for now, all right? My mother doesn’t really see why I would ever want to learn but…” She waves with her hand, not really knowing where she wants to go with the sentence, but Mulan nods, knowingly. 

“You want to learn and you want to be able to stand your ground,” the warrior says evenly.

“Yes.” Emma casts a grateful look into her direction. “And I’m not sure Snow would understand it at this point in time.”

“That is all right with me,” Mulan says, “Meet me outside the courtyard in an hour.” 

~*~

Sometimes, things don’t go as easy as they normally do. Especially for a privileged princess who’s never wanted for anything. Who doesn’t have to continue doing things she doesn’t like or need.

Perseverance is a hard lesson to learn. Even though Emma learns to wield the sword extremely fast which surprises them both. Still, her entire body is aching from shifting, lunging, defending, stepping in and out, and turning the sword to counter attacks - she uses muscles she didn’t even know she had. But mostly she hurts from flying through the air and hitting the floor.

She hasn’t won any of the practice battles she and Mulan fought out and even though she realistically knows that she’s never going to win from Mulan any time soon, it frustrates her to no end. It doesn’t matter that Mulan says she does very well. Emma has wanted to quit on over a dozen of occasions. Every time, Mulan leers her back. Despite the bruises. Despite the hurt. Mulan is a patient teacher and knows her way around bratty princesses.

However, Even the warrior has her limits of patience. And finally, Mulan is fed up with it. “Listen,” she growls, “‘I am willing to train you, but you have to really,  _ really _ want this. I don’t want to waste my time on one of your whims.” She runs a hand through her hair and over her face in agony. “You’ve got talent, but if you are just going to quit every time it gets a little harder, then I don’t want to waste my time on you.” Mulan snaps (kind, quiet and brave Mulan  _ snaps _ at her and Emma just can’t get over it). 

“I do want to learn. It’s just hard!” Emma nearly flinches at the whiny sound of her own voice. 

“Yes it is, and everything that’s even slightly worth something in this world is hard to achieve,” Mulan snaps. “Nothing good ever comes easy. You have to  _ work  _ to achieve greatness. You have to learn and you will  _ never  _ by giving up. Think, princess, about what you really want _. _ And when you do, and decide you want to fight for what you want, I’ll be here. _ ” _ Mulan turns on her heels and stalks off towards the stables and from her pace, Emma can see that the warrior is pissed off.

Emma walks away, sulking. She doesn’t want Mulan to be mad at her but her body is sore, it’s hurting so much from the exercise and the falling. She’ll have bruises all over tomorrow. It’s the hardest (well, perhaps save of giving birth to Henry or no - maybe this is worse after all) she’s ever done and she’s not sure if she really wants to do it again. 

She drags herself inside, up the impressive staircase (she wheezes when she realizes she has to go up ALL of these stairs), straight into the direction of her chambers. It hasn’t been the first time today she’s asked herself what the hell she was thinking. What in God’s name she was trying to prove and to who. 

Maybe she’s just not cut out for this. Mulan clearly is. The warrior is lean, flexible, and seeing her wield a sword, it’s almost like magic. Like she’s dancing with the weapon and Emma’s insanely jealous of her skills. She wants to do it, but she’s not sure if it’s worth all the effort. It would be so much easier if you could want to do something, and then just… be able to. 

When she finally reaches her quarters, she opens the door to her bedroom, staggers inside and falls forward, face down and arms spread out, onto her bed, groaning because of the soreness. Besides the hurting, she’s also smelly - she hasn’t sweat like this in forever and ugh, she finds herself disgusting right now. She is frustrated with Mulan, frustrated with the stupid sword and frustrated with herself. She groans dramatically and wallows in self-pity, truly feeling sorry for herself.

If she could have, she’d stay like this for the remainder of the day, not wanting to move an inch and she’s even ready to skip dinner but she can’t because then there will be  _ questions _ , so many questions she’s not willing to answer yet. She sighs and hisses when she hoists herself up. She’s going to call on a servant to request an extremely hot bath to ease her sore muscles and she’ll stay there until dinner’s served. 

Staggering towards the door, she calls for someone to aid her. One of the maids steps inside within mere seconds. “Good heavens, princess, what happened to you?” the maid cries out, and she quickly starts to prepare the baht so Emma doesn’t even have to answer. Perks of being a princess, she thinks. Right now, she’s all to happy with it.

Not long after, she steps into a simmering hot bath. The heat takes her breath away, but once she’s in there it feels good, so good. Stupid swordsmanship, she scoffs. She’ll think twice before she picks up a sword again. After she’s made herself that promise, she gives in to the joys of her bath and sighs happily.

She feels how her muscles relax in the hot water and she breathes a sigh of relief. Maybe it’s time to get over herself, she thinks. Maybe she’s just not cut out for all of this. All these ideas about the Saviour, defeating dragons, the Evil Queen… she’s not a hero. Never was. Maybe she shouldn’t try being one and just leave it at that. Maybe she should accept that she’s just a princess, and doing princessy stuff is what is what the future has in store for her. She closes her eyes, welcomes the quiet as she slowly slumbers off.

~*~

“Emma? Emma! Wake up.”

Emma's brow furrows, but she’s not opening her eyes just yet. Her bath is still hot so she hasn’t drifted off for too long, and she’s not ready to come out yet. “Go away,” she mutters. 

“It’s almost time for dinner,” the voice insists. There’s a hint of amusement.

Emma doesn’t want to get out. She wants to remember her dream, only it wasn’t a dream as vivid as the previous ones. This one was more vague. Furrowed brow, brown eyes, tears gathering, just looking at her, unsettling her. She didn’t want to see, didn’t want to listen, but at the same time she… did? It confuses her. And then, the water became even hotter and it seemed like magic only it wasn’t purple like she’d seen before but bright white and for a moment she was afraid that her room would catch fire but then, it died out. And apparently, then she woke up, she thinks, begrudgingly. 

“Why are you even here, Red?” Emma sighs, admitting defeat before heaving herself out of the water. The she-wolf holds up a towel and grins a toothy grin. “I heard how it went today, with Mulan. She says you’ve got a lot of potential.” Gathering from her grin, Mulan has said more than that, and Emma snorts.

She grabs the towel and wraps it around her chest. “Yeah right. She can stick that potential - what the hell?” She stares at her arms. Kicks with her leg. Bends through her knees. And realizes that she doesn’t feel any pain, any strained muscles and there’s no bruised body parts at all. 

“What?” Red asks, confused at her friend’s movements.

“I felt so sore when I came here and now I don’t feel… anything anymore? How is that even possible?” She spins around in disbelief, studying her arms and legs to be sure that there’s no discolorings anywhere.

“Oh.” Red looks pensively for a moment, then shrugs. “Well, we do live in the enchanted forest. Maybe it’s a sign for you to continue. Maybe one of your maids has healing magic?”

“Or it’s a sign that I’m getting a second chance at being a decent Princess and the universe kindly advises against me picking up a sword,” she huffs. Honestly, being without pain is a gift right now. 

Red eyes her a bit warily. “I asked my friend to help you. She asked me if you were serious and I thought you were.” It sounds like a half accusation.

Emma feels a little guilty on that and turns with cheeks flushed with embarrassment - and freezes. “ What the hell is  _ that _ ?” she cries out.

In the corner of her chambers neatly stands an elegant, thin sword. It’s nothing like a sword she’s ever seen before. But it’s not all. Draped over it is a red leather jacket.  _ Armour, _ she thinks instinctively. It’s a shield to the world that wants to hurt her. But how? It’s just a jacket. And she’s not hurt. She doesn’t know how she knows. 

And she remembers where she’s seen it before. Where she’s  _ worn _ it before. The jacket is hers in the Storybrooke dreams and for some reason, now it’s here. And it feels like another piece of a gigantic puzzle, but at the same time, it feels like  _ home. _

And she know she can’t back away from any of this. 

~*~

Dinner is served not much later and Emma is still a little in shock. She’s not really paying attention to her plate. She sometimes sticks food in her mouth, but doesn’t taste anything. She empties her plate automatically which is nothing like her, because she loves food. The flavours. Eating in general. But not today. She just can’t take her mind off the red jacket. 

When she’s asked the question if everything’s fine, she nods and shrugs, stuffing another fork with food in her mouth so she doesn’t have to actually answer the question. Her thoughts are spinning. Unfortunately, her mother does not let it go. She never does.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” she hears Snow’s worried voice. 

It feels as if all conversation is dying immediately and everyone’s looks at her, waiting for her answer. She looks up and sees Red, who simply arches an eyebrow. Next to her sits Mulan, which face Emma can’t read (and she shouldn’t forget to tell her that she  _ does _ want to continue with the lessons and perhaps apologize as well). Next to Mulan is Belle, who eyes her worriedly. Belle’s seen her in the library when she all but passed out upon seeing the Evil Queen’s image and Emma hasn’t spoken to her since. 

When her eyes wander towards the head of the table, she looks at her son. Henry sits next to his grandma and looks back intently. She can see that he worries for her because she hasn’t behaved like herself lately, so she offers him a small, and hopefully encouraging, smile. Then, her eyes flick past the empty chair of her father who’s still away, and stop to rest on her mother’s face.

“I’m fine,” she says, “I really am.” 

“Are you sure? You’ve been acting so strange, these last couple of days,” Snow says. Emma feels a blush creeping from her neck to her cheeks and it annoys her, because she has nothing to feel ashamed about. 

“I think it’s just... “ Her voice dies out. It’s just her dreams, the strange dreams and especially the latest one where she and the Evil Queen were kind of casually conversing as if it was something that could’ve played out in real life. It’s just that maybe she can be - or is - someone else than a princess of the White kingdom. It’s just that she is so utterly and completely confused by these past couple of days that she finds herself lost in so many different occasions and it basically all boils down to -

“Can you tell us more about the Evil Queen?” she blurts out, and her mother’s eyebrows raise in wide surprise?

“What? Why do you want to know?” Snow says, baffled look on her face.

“Because I don’t know anything. Not really. And I want to,” Emma says stubbornly and she hears the bratty tone in the latter part, which is why she hurries on, “I want to kknow what happened to you. What started the war in the first place? Where was she banished to? Why are you so sure that she can’t ever come back? I- I just want to understand. And it seems that you don’t want me to.”

Silence falls over the table as all eyes shift to Snow now, who (and Emma is really surprised to see this) shifts uncomfortably in her chair. “Well, now,” she says, clearing her throat, “It’s not really dinner conversation.” She smiles at her daughter but there’s something in her eyes that Emma can’t immediately place. Snow isn’t mad at her, but it’s more like… surrender, maybe? As if she knows that there will be a moment, very soon, at which she is going to have to spill the entire history and she’s not really happy about it. And Emma can’t figure out why it bothers Snow that much. 

The silence that follows feels awkward and Emma’s eyes shift back to her plate, angry that her mother waved the subject away.“When’s David coming back?” she hears Red, and she’s thankful for how easily the wolf can draw everyone's attention away from the apparently heavy subject. Or maybe everyone’s glad to follow the new subject into more casual conversation. “Tomorrow, hopefully,” Snow answers, but her gaze lingers on her daughter. Emma can feel it and she looks up, holding her mother’s eyes for a couple of seconds. And for the first time in forever, the princess lifts her chin, challenging her mother. Snow’s eyes widen for just a second. She’s not used to her daughter’s defiant posture and doesn’t really know what to think of it. 

It does mean that Emma isn’t taking the bullshit answers for granted anymore and that she’s going to demand answers, very soon. And she sees the glance of resignation in Snow’s eyes. Soon. And that notion settles in Emma’s stomach with a grim satisfaction.

But what surprises Emma most, is that she  _ likes  _ this feeling of standing up for herself. 

A few hours earlier, she had been willing to give it all up. Emma was going to abandon these stupid ideas that she wanted to be able to fight for someone she didn't even know and perhaps doesn’t even exist anymore. She felt awfully and utterly sorry for herself. But then, the Queen left her a gift, and it woke something within her. It has shifted something inside Emma. She feels rejuvenated. Her eyes shift towards Mulan, who offers her something that looks like the beginning of a smile.

Emma feels good about herself. And she hasn't even tried on the red jacket yet. Suddenly, she looks forward to wearing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, Princess Emma's getting over herself more and more soon :)


	5. Chapter 5

_ “Emma.” The Evil Queen looks pleased to see her. Maybe a little relieved as well, because Emma sees how her shoulders relax. Emma is still a little wary. She’s not afraid, but this entire dreaming-about-the-evil-queen-thing is still really awkward.  _

_ “What should I call you? Regina? Evil Queen?” she replies, and Regina eyes flash briefly. She’s a little… annoyed, Emma notices. She feels slightly amused by it. It feels natural to jab her like that.  _

_ “Please dear, do call me Regina. My evil days are behind me... I’ve shed that part of me a while ago,” Regina says, eyebrows slightly frowned. She folds her arms in front of her chest.  _

_ Regina looks regal. Emma can easily picture how she might have induced fear, once upon a time. But at the same time, she is magnificent. Emma’s gaze wander over Regina’s body. Their eyes meet briefly. Emma feels caught staring and quickly looks away, while her cheeks flush, and somehow it seems the air gets a little thicker which makes it a little harder to breathe. She clears her throat. _

_ “Regina,” she acknowledges. The brunette seems content and a little self-indulgent, eyes lingering on Emma’s face, which causes more uneasiness on the blonde’s side. She doesn’t just feel awkward. Her skin gets goosebumps all over about the way Regina looks at her and her belly heats up. Emma’s startled by it. _

_ She needs a distraction so she looks around while rubbing her arms absentmindedly. Today, they’re meeting in a castle, but not the one she lives in. It’s… darker, mostly, even though the room where they currently stand are has gigantic windows and a balcony, from which she can see the forest stretching as far as the eye can see. The room has a hearth and a velvety sofa, but is sparsely decorated as a whole. The contrast to the White Castle, which is filled with all kinds of stuff that has a highly decorative value, is huge. Here, there’s only a large standing mirror and another one hanging on the wall. This must be the Evil Queen’s…. Regina’s castle.  _

_ She lets her eyes wander the place until she hears Regina’s husky voice behind her. _

_ “Did you receive my gift?”  _

_ For some reason, Emma smirks while turning to face the brunette. “I should’ve known it was you,” she says and she casts a glance sideways to Regina, arching an eyebrow. Emma feels that she’s growing bolder. The swords training increased her confidence, and in some way, defying her mother has also helped. But the jacket - it boosted her morale. Maybe, just maybe she’s not just a petty princess. There might be a lot more to her, and she likes discovering that about herself.  _

_ It’s why Regina’s next words sting. _

_ “I had to. You were giving up.” It sounds like an accusation and Emma instantly feels the need to defend herself, but Regina isn’t done talking. “You were behaving like a selfish, bratty little princess, wallowing in self-pity while trying to get back to your easy going life. You gave up. And that’s not the Emma I know. That’s not the real Emma.” _

_ Emma frowns and wants to lash out in defense, but she know Regina’s right. At least about the first part. “It is real to me,” she weakly sputters, but her face flushes and she hesitates. Part of her wants to give a snarky comment, the other part wants to make amends. But since she’s embarrassed with her own behaviour from the previous day - which, even though this recent, feels off now - she chooses to swallow her pride and apologize. _

_ “Okay, you’re right,” she admits, a little defeated. “I was about to give up. And your gift came at the right time. But why the jacket? What does it mean? And why… why does it have such an effect? Why is it so important?”  _

_ Regina sits down on a velvet black sofa, and pats next to her, inviting Emma to sit down. She smiles. “Your jacket, you once told me, has been your armour for as long as you can remember.” She rolls her eyes when she realizes what she says and snorts, while waving impatiently with her hand. “Or, it will be, as soon as you remember. I thought that maybe it would help you feel stronger and more secure.” Her eyes shine with self-content. “And even though you’re not wearing it yet - thankfully, because I find it appalling -, it appears to aid you already,” she adds, pleased with herself while leaning backwards comfortably against the back of the sofa.  _

_ Emma drops down next to her. She frowns as she traces back yesterday’s steps. Regina is right. She only changed her mind after she found the jacket. She went against her mother after receiving it.  _

_ "It’s like magic,” she thinks out loud. It's like… having it already makes me a completely different person. I mean, I did do some things on my own before. But the jacket… empowered me. Does that sound weird?” Emma turns to Regina, who looks at her, amused. _

_ “Not at all, dear. I’m just happy it had the desired effect.” The smile reaches dark eyes and the air is changing a bit as Emma green eyes lock with Regina’s. Something inside her belly flutters. The warmth she felt earlier spreads through her entire body. “Regina… I’m sorry,” she murmurs. “For almost quitting. I just want you to know… I'm not giving up on you." _

_ Regina smiles even brighter than moments before and Emma's stomach twists when the brunette quietly says, “Thank you.” She hopes Regina will mistake her flushed cheeks for embarrassment and she leans back a little.  _

_ “And the sword?” she continues quickly.  _

_ “I didn’t gift you that one, Emma,” Regina said, her eyes trailing over the blonde’s face to see if something spikes a memory. “You held it in your hands when you disappeared from Storybrooke. The sword is special. Learn how to use it and keep it close, because we’re going to need it back home.”  _

_ "Why?" Emma’s frown grows deeper once more as she leans forward. She realizes that she’s gotten this permanent frown ever since she met Regina in her dreams. The woman is breathtakingly beautiful and immensely exasperating at the same time. Why’s she supposed to learn to use that particular sword and how they’re supposed to be getting back home - wait, is she actually considering that this  _ isn’t _ her real home? She blinks slowly and looks away confused as dream and reality seem to fuse together in her mind. “What’s going to happen?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “It's… too much to explain now. Find me, first,” Regina replies, a pained expression on her face. Emma gets a tired of answers that don’t help her at all and having to figure everything out on her own. She snorts in reply.  _

_ “I’m going to need a little more than that, your Majesty, if you want me to help you.” _

_ Regina arches an eyebrow upon hearing her former title - maybe she’s a little surprised - but doesn’t elaborate, and she elegantly stands up from the sofa. Her high heels click over the stony floors of the castle when she slides to the balcony, hands grabbing the balustrade as she stares out of the window.  _

_ She gazes over her shoulder and smiles wistfully. “This used to be my castle,” she says and Emma hears the nostalgic tone in her voice. “This was home for a very long time.”  _

_ Emma stands up and moves closer to the balcony - to Regina -, not really knowing what to say but she places a hand on Regina’s shoulder in an attempt to show some support.  _

_ It’s funny how easy it is, and how natural it feels to touch Regina in her dreams.  _

_ Regina turns her head to look at her and Emma recognizes something in Regina’s gaze. Something familiar. Loneliness. The want to belong somewhere. Which is ridiculous because Emma  _ has  _ that. She has family. She is loved. If there’s one thing that she’s not, it’s lonely. But something clicks inside her head as she studies the regal posture of the former queen. She feels that on some level, they are the same. And somehow they... belong.  _

_ She shakes her head when realization strikes. Her eyes widen in surprise. It doesn’t make any sense, but even though she still believes that dreams aren’t real, she’s sure that Regina, in fact,  _ is _. She doesn’t know how or why. But she knows that Regina’s real and she’s starting to understand that she has to analyze her dreams to find the answers she needs.  _

_ “Is this- Is your castle where I should go and find you, then?” she asks, but Regina doesn’t know.  _

_ “Perhaps. As frustrating as it is, I don’t have an answer,” she answers, touching Emma’s arm in some kind of silent apology while staring over the enchanted forest. She lifts her free hand and points towards something in the far distance. Emma follows her gaze and squints, because she cannot really see what’s there. Perhaps because there’s nothing to see at all.  _

_ “There’s where you are now,” Regina says.  _

_ “Where? I don’t see anything.”  _

_ “Sometimes, one can’t see what’s right in front of them. And you, dear, always had a hard time seeing things you don’t believe in.” She feels a soft squeeze in her hand before Regina lets go and turns around. The Queen smiles wistfully. “Or things you don’t  _ want _ to believe because you think you’re not entitled to them in the first place. But I guess… I can say the same about myself.” _

_ Emma frowns once more, wants to know what she means by that, but because Regina’s hand is still on her arm she feels how the magic building up in the other woman’s body and within seconds, the brunette has disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke, leaving Emma behind, confused and with so, oh so many questions. _

_ ~*~ _

The next day, Emma apologizes to Mulan and says she really wants to continue the lessons. She’s brought the sword that she found with the red leather jacket, but leaves the piece of clothing behind. She doesn’t want the warrior to ask questions and for some reason she feels more dedicated, more determined by just  _ having  _ it. 

Mulan just nods, and they take a short journey to outside the palace walls on Emma’s request. She’s not comfortable training inside the castle’s walls. There are too many eyes with which Emma suddenly feels very uncomfortable. 

The trip doesn’t take them very far, just to a small clearing inside the enchanted forest. They don’t talk much. They’re both caught in their own thoughts and Emma even enjoys the silence for a bit. But upon their arrival, Mulan doesn’t give Emma a lot of time to breathe and wants to continue the lesson, as if she still wants to test if Emma can handle the intensity of the training.

For some reason, it’s easier this time. It’s just the two of them. Or maybe it’s the abandoned clearing. But mostly it’s Emma’s newfound stubborn determination. Emma is practicing, learning, lunging, listening intensively, and Mulan is talking, yelling, teaching, repeating. It doesn’t take long for Emma to hurt even more than she did yesterday - she’s  _ sure _ this is Mulan’s revenge -, but she grinds her teeth and pulls through, which Mulan rewards with appreciative grin. Emma beams with pride, but wants to stay in Mulan’s good graces and plugs away. 

Fortunately, Mulan eventually shows some mercy and calls for a break, so the appreciative grin is returned (Emma truly believes that the warrior could’ve gone on for ages but she must’ve taken pity on the princess) and Emma drops down on a tree log. She blindly grabs the sack of water that they brought with them and gulps down the cool fluid. She feels sweaty, dirty and every muscle in her body screams for the warm bath she had yesterday, but she ignores it as best as she can. And when she’s done drinking, she offers the sack to Mulan who accepts it without hesitation. 

Despite the physical pain, Emma’s mind starts to wander off to a former evil queen and her castle, which seemed to be important in the dream - because why else would they’ve been there and it would be way easier if Regina would just say what she means instead of leaving clues in dreams and - 

“Mulan, can I ask you something?” Emma asks, breaking the quiet and her own trail of thoughts simultaneously. She turns to the woman next to her, ignoring her protesting muscles. Only a slight wince betrays her hurt.

Mulan looks up and nods once. “What is it?”

Emma shifts her gaze towards the trees, not really knowing where to start. “Have you ever been in R- the Evil Queen’s castle?” 

“I never needed to, no.” comes the reply, but it is softer, wondering what it’s all about.

“But do you know where it is?” Emma pushes, while her gaze trails back to the woman next to her. She gathers all her courage. “I- I need to go there.” 

Mulan remains quiet for a while and Emma doesn’t know if she needs to regret her question or if she has to explain further, because both Mulan’s posture and gaze reveal nothing. 

“And I suppose that it’s a mission that Queen Snow can’t know about?” Mulan finally says, eyebrow arched. Emma cringes. She hadn’t even thought about it but yes, it would be for the best. Mulan gives her a small, understanding smile. 

“The castle’s about a days ride to the east,” the warrior says, without waiting for an answer because she already knows the answer. “We would have to spend the night there or at least in the woods nearby.” She quietly observes the princess and Emma knows the unasked question: Can she do that? Truthfully, she’s never spent the night in the forest because she never needed to. She’s always slept in beds, even while travelling, because the routes were carefully planned out so that they would reach an inn before nightfall.

Again, Mulan continues (and Emma never heard her talk so much but she decided that it is a good thing): “Anyway. We’d be away for two or three days, depending on what you’re looking for. You’re going to have to explain why you’re leaving and where you’re going. I’ll accompany you on your… quest.” 

Emma is delighted that Mulan wants to go with her - honestly, she’s surprised herself with how well she does with the sword but Mulan’s way better than she is - but at the same time, she is surprised that it is so… easy. Her delight turns into suspicion in a blink of an eye. 

“Why are you helping me? With all of this?” she asks, glaring at her teacher.

Mulan answers her glare with a steady gaze. “You’re different than the last times I saw you,” she says slowly. “You’re searching for something. Red sees it too. Even smells it, she says. And we’ve both been there. We needed time to find ourselves as well.” Her eyes turn thoughtful. “Everyone should get the chance to discover who they are. Even the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. Besides,” she says, and now her eyes start to twinkle, “I kind of promised Belle to help you.” 

Emma looks up, confused of how Belle fit in the story. “Belle? How do you and her end up talking about me and what I--” She stops in her tracks when realization hits her. “Oh.  _ Oh! _ You and Belle?” Emma smiles widely and suppresses the urge to clap her hands in delight. 

“You’re not the only reason for me to stay after all festivities, princess,” Mulan smiles, before she gets up her feet. “Stand up. One more round and then I’ll walk you back.” 

Emma groans, but does it with a smile. She moves her feet into the starting position and she grins as she lifts her sword in a horizontal position. “Belle, huh? Good for you. Good for her. She deserves someone at her side. Preferably someone who’s  _ not  _ Gaston. He’s a creep.” 

Mulan lunges forward and seems thrilled that Emma, despite her body screaming at her that she should not move anymore, counters the attacks and swings her sword back at her teacher. 

“Gaston won’t be a problem anymore,” Mulan says, twirling around to avoid her pupil’s sword, sinking through her knees for another attack, “he did not like losing to a girl in front of the entire town and is licking his wounds with three of his most devoted admirers.” 

Emma jumps over Mulan’s sword, hisses when she nearly trips which makes her muscles protest vigorously, and takes a few steps back to regroup. “When did you did that? I thought she was still hiding from him and her father!” 

“I told her right after your son’s knighting ceremony. I needed to build up some courage to ask to court her,” Mulan grins, and she looks immensely pleased with herself causing Emma to laugh, “This was my courting gift.” She sidetracks Emma who yelps while trying to avoid the hit but she takes the blow ungracefully before landing on her ass. “Damnit,” she yells unladylike, rubbing her behind, “but good for you,” she adds, while struggling to get up. Mulan lifts the sword and takes a graceful bow.

“Thank you,” she replies, amused, and offers a hand to get Emma up. “Now, let’s get you back to the castle. I’ll be ready to leave in the morning.” 

~*~

Lying to her mother is easier than Emma had anticipated. Maybe because Snow is keeping secrets from her as well. 

Emma tells her mother that they will travel to the Summer Palace. It’s not far and it buys them time to find… well, whatever it is Emma needs to find. Emma does feel a slight uneasiness about lying to her mother. Especially because Snow readily accepts what Emma’s telling her. She’s so trusting, so supportive. It probably helps that both Mulan and Red will accompany her (because Red feels antsy and needs an adventure, she says. The wolf needs to run). Even so, the hint of guilt remains.

Because even though so much has happened to her emotional state of being during these last days, Emma feels bad about leaving her mother in the dark. She’s never lied to her mother before. She’s never needed to. Snow is a wonderful mother and Emma has had nothing to complain. Both Snow and David have devoted their lives to raise her well, they have always been there for her and Emma loves them more than they will ever know and now, she’s willingly going around their backs. 

But Emma knows that this is something that they won’t understand. They would never agree to her visiting the Evil Queen’s castle, even when said Queen is no longer living in it. Soon, she vows, soon she will tell her parents everything. And if she does, they might return the favour. Maybe they’ll tell her what they’ve been keeping from her, as well. 

Another one she’s now lying to is Henry, who professes his desire to go with his mother but she flat out refuses him to come. The stern, impatient tone with which she does it surprises them both.

“But Ma, you’re going to need me there!” He sounds frustrated, but she gently cups his cheeks with both hands like she did when he was a little boy, and she can still feel how he leans into her touch. 

“Hush, kid,” Emma says and that shocks him even more - she’s never shut him up. But it hurts, lying to him, and she doesn’t want to show him what it does to her. “Red and Mulan are with me. Nothing’s going to happen during the trip and when we reach the Summer Palace, well, there’s always guards there. You need to stay here since your grandfather hasn’t returned yet.” 

“What’s going on with you, Ma? I'm worried about you.” he quietly says while grabbing her arms in some sort of child-like desperation. He doesn’t want her to go. Her face softens and she draws him into a hug. He’s so big but sometimes, still so young. Her little Henry.

“Don't. I’m fine, I promise,” she softly whispers in his ears, gently ruffling his hair in the process, “This is just something I have to do on my own. If I find what I’m looking for, I’ll tell you, all right? I’ll tell you everything.” 

He releases her reluctantly and begrudgingly takes her word for it.

A little while later, he sees them off when they mount their horses. With a final wave to the young man, they take off in a relaxed trot. She glances backwards, hand still raised, while he grows smaller and smaller, until he’s only a dot in the distant landscape. There’s even more guilt, she realizes gloomily, and she wishes, she really wishes, that all this deception is worth it. That it’s not just all a figment of her imagination running wild, dragging along her entire family and all of her friends into this wild goose chase that can only end badly. 

Because if you stop to think about it, it doesn’t make sense: They’re searching for a woman in a dream who feels so very real, and they’re looking for it in reality that sometimes feels like a dream. Maybe she only  _ wants  _ the dream to be real. She wants it so badly that she pushes her family away because of it but at the same time, it feels more like her family pushes  _ her _ away. Nothing makes sense anymore. But Emma is not willing to take a step back and think it really,  _ really _ through. She’s running on emotions and impulsivity. 

And it's all because of _her_. Emma is immensely intrigued by Regina. She feels a deep connection to the woman who’s terrorized her parents for years. And gets even more invested because her parents want to keep the Evil Queen far from her. Which is odd on itself, because she’s never been the recalcitrant type. She’s never been at odds with Snow and Prince Charming. And, to throw another contrast in the mix, she hates it but at the same time, it feels natural.

It’s all so freaking confusing. She starts plucking on her white robe and chewing her lip while her thoughts continue.

Because apart part from  _ all _ of that, Regina is not like anyone she has ever seen. Her heart sometimes somersaults when their gazes cross. In a freaking  _ dream _ . Especially when Regina mocks her or is annoyed with her. Or raises an eyebrow. Apparently, that’s a thing. And apart from all that, Regina´s super attractive and every time Emma closes her eyes, she can see the cut out of Regina’s silhouette or those beautiful brown, soulful yet sad eyes.

She hears a cough, and looks up. Mulan watches her with a sly smile and Emma frowns, realizing that the warrior’s asked her something and she didn’t hear it. “What?” 

“Are you going to tell us what we’re off to do?” Red asks instead, and Emma’s gaze flicks to her best friend. 

“It depends on if you’re going to tell my mother,” she retorts with an arched eyebrow. 

Dramatically, the she-wolf reaches for her heart. “Ouch, that hurt, Princess.”    
  
Mulan smirks briefly. “Seriously, Emma. we’re here for you. But it would be nice to know what the mystery’s about.” The warrior exchanges an understanding glance with the she-wolf. “We know it has something to do with the Evil Queen. Are we going to look for her?” 

Emma looks from the one to the other, not sure what to tell them. She’s hardly believing any of this herself, so how can she expect anyone to take her word for it? 

“Maybe,” she says, dragging out the word. “I- I don’t know. I… It’s a hunch, really. I don’t know what we’re going to find.” 

“So it  _ is _ a quest,” Red happily says. She looks like an enthusiastic puppy ready to go out for a walk and Emma shakes her head, but smiles at the same time as the woman continues: “You know, I’ve smelled something off about you, ever since your birthday.” 

“Uhh- You can smell that?” Emma wrinkles her nose in disgust, and Red laughs. 

“Don’t worry. You don’t  _ smell _ -smell. Your scent has changed and that doesn’t happen frequently. That’s why I knew something was up with you. Are you going to keep us in the dark?” 

She feels how she starts to pluck on her cloak again. She feels anxious and not sure about what she should tell them, but Mulan reaches for her hand - the same way Regina did once in her dream - and her head jerks into the warrior’s direction. “I-I-I…” she stammers, before closing her mouth and closing her eyes. Her fingers curl around Mulan’s for a second, but it’s not the same, so she relaxes her grip and pulls her hand back. Then, she takes a deep breath. “I can tell you, but it sounds insane.” 

Her companions remain silent for a brief moment. “I am a werewolf,” Red then simply says, “and Mulan tricked an entire realm into believing she was a male fighter. Insanity is what we  _ do _ .” 

Emma opens her eyes and tilts her head into Red’s direction. She is sincere, Emma sees, there’s no hint of mockery. At her other side, Mulan lightly nods to encourage, and the White princess sighs deeply.

And then, Emma just starts talking. She tells her about the first dreams, the compact mirror, her birthday, the discovery who she’s been seeing while she was sleeping. She speaks about Storybrooke, about how Emma is supposed to be someone else and how she’s been seeing these flashes of another life that’s not hers, but which are so vivid in her dreams, almost as if she could touch them. 

She talks about the infuriating vague hints which has led her to undertake this crazy quest, how she’s supposed to find an Evil Queen who hasn’t been seen for over three decades and how apparently, Regina thinks that she’s the right person for this, which led her to pick up the sword fighting lessons with Mulan that she almost gave up and then, she found the sword (Red nods, she was there when Emma nearly freaked out finding it) and it made her to continue.

“It’s like… I don’t know. Maybe it’s nothing and I’m driving myself insane. I keep telling myself that dreams aren’t real, but… I’ve felt so  _ alive _ these past couple of days. I thought that… maybe the dreams aren’t real, but somehow, she is? It’s like, before, I’ve been sleeping and I just opened my eyes and woke in this very surreal world in which everything feels off except Regina, which is completely the other way around from what it should be and maybe I’m just slowly going nuts,” she says with an anxious sigh.

There’s something else that bothers her. Last night is the first night since her birthday that Regina hasn’t visited her in her dreams. In her dream, Emma was in a dark room. She could barely see anything but it was searing hot. At the edges of her vision she thought she saw flames but when she turned to see, they were gone. What if something’s wrong? Why wasn’t Regina there? And it’s strange, but Emma missed her. It physically hurt to get up this morning again, and it wasn't because of the swords lessons because those aches had miraculously disappeared again.

"Well, we’re about to find that out, aren’t we?” Red takes the word, pulling Emma out of her thoughts. “But to me, you don’t look insane. And you don’t smell like one, either. Lunatics usually have a specifically musky scent,” she almost chipperly ads. But then she turns more serious as she continues. “Emma, don’t worry. We’ll figure this out together.” 

Mulan hums in agreement, and it feels as if a gigantic burden has been lifted from Emma’s shoulders. She told her parents and they didn’t believe her. She told Belle, but it was too soon for Emma to… accept any of it. 

But here, right now with these two, it feels natural and they believe her - at least for now - and they haven’t turned their horses around to go back to the White kingdom. For some reason, that is important. They didn’t abandon her, and it’s a huge relief. As if she’s somehow used to being abandoned and this means she’s with the right people.

She feels grateful, so grateful for them and while she feels tears stinging behind her eyes, she reaches for both their hands with a watery smile. 

“Thank you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some minor references to S06E10.

It’s surreal to stand in a room that she only knows from a dream. But there are grave differences between dream and reality. Nature has taken back this castle in more ways than one. Some of the walls have collapsed because of nobody was here to maintain the castle in its full glory. She sees branches of trees curling around the balustrade. Beds of ivy are climbing the walls, covering everything that’s on their path. It’s bizarre. And yet, Emma can easily see how majestic it used to be. There are still hints of how the chamber she’s standing in used to look like. The hearth is still there and so is the sofa, albeit broken and moldy. The mirrors she spotted in her dream are still there, and there’s even more of them around the place, but they’re all smashed. The shards are gone. Maybe storms during these past three decades took them away.

Emma looks around, lost in thoughts, and Red and Mulan are staying a bit back to give her some space as the Princess retraces the steps she took in her dream. She was standing over here, she thinks, and she moves towards the hearth. There was a fire, she remembers, but now, the hearth is cracked and moss grows on the stony walls. Regina was standing a bit further away, near the now moldy sofa. Nobody’s been here for a very long time.

She sighs and makes her way to the balustrade, dodging a branch that’s casually growing from outside of the window towards the center of the room. She places her hands on the exact spot where Regina’s hands were a few nights ago, and she stares into the direction Regina was pointing towards. It makes her feel a little closer to the brunette, who she hasn’t seen while sleeping since the last dream. She misses her.

When her eyes focus again, there’s nothing to see but forest. “Is my family’s castle over there?” she asks nobody in particular, but she hears both women coming closer and she points toward the forest to indicate the direction. Red follows Emma’s arm and nods. “Yep. That’s where we came from.” 

_There’s where you are now._ Emma hears Regina’s voice in her head. Only she isn’t anymore, because she’s standing here. She feels how frustration is boiling inside of her and her jaw clenches.

 _I don’t see anything._ She remembers her reply and she still doesn’t. She balls her fist in frustration, anger even, and bangs on the balustrade. “What do you _want_ me to see?!” she cries out towards the forest, highly frustrated, but the only thing she hears is her own echo.

And a strange giggle.

She swirls around to the two women behind her, annoyed that she’s being laughed at, but Mulan and Red eye each other, turn towards Emma and both lightly shake their head at the same time, alarmed immediatelyThey thought they were here alone “That wasn’t us,” Red frowns and she turns around. “It came from over there.”

The three of them stare at a door that’s nearly hidden in the wall and once it probably was a pretty secret doorway, but because of the castle’s decay it’s now visible. Mulan reaches for her sword. Emma sees how Red slowly grasps the hems of her cloak to be able to throw it off when it’s needed, and they strategically place themselves in front of Emma who is actually really grateful. She suddenly doesn't feel so brave and her heart is pounding in her throat. The few lessons she’s had with Mulan are not getting anywhere near to the experience the two of them have with combat in whatever audacity.

Slowly, they approach the door but when they open it, they don’t see a hallway or room, but there’s a staircase that spirals downward. The warrior and the wolf eye each other briefly and then nod. Red switches position with Emma, so that the princess is now in the middle. Her heart thunders in her ears and she swallows thickly. Her hands tremble, so she folds them together over the pommel of her sword. Everything inside her wants to run as far away from here as she can, but Mulan quietly starts descending the stairs and unwillingly, she follows.

Mulan is so silent that Emma doesn’t hear her move at all. She tries to be as soundless as her teacher but cringes when she hears herself walk, despite the deafening heartbeat in her ears. Apparently, stealth is not one of her finer qualities, she scoffs at herself.

The staircase gets darker when they move on, so dark that at some point, they can hardly see a thing anymore. Except for Red, apparently, who, with her wolf eyes, grabs Emma on occasion to keep her steady. The air in the spiral staircase is damp, which makes it hard to breathe. It seems to go on and on and on and at some point, Emma wonders if they will ever reach the end or if it’s just a clever trap that they’ve walked into. She’s about to make a comment about it, when she hears Mulan in front of her. 

The warrior slams two flints together and the stones create a spark, igniting a torch that she apparently got from somewhere - how do they do that, Emma wonders, because apparently both Mulan and Red can handle themselves fine in the dark and they even find stuff that helps them move along while Emma can only focus on getting down in one piece. Mulan must’ve heard Emma’s thoughts, because she smirks. “There’s another one over here,” she says, reaching for the wall.

When the second torch is lit, she looks around. They’re in some sort of cave, and it appears they’re below the castle - at least, it feels like they are, because they’ve walked down for so long and Emma’s knees hurt, so these stairs must be much longer than any staircase she’s ever walked in her own castle. The walls are high and on set distances there are torches that Mulan lights. The floor is earthy, sometimes muddy but quite even, with an occasional stone in the earthy pathway that can easily make you trip if you don’t pay enough attention. 

They slowly move on, and there’s a corner ahead. Right before they want to turn it, they hear another giggle. It sounds creepy – a shiver runs down Emma’s spin and she feels Red’s hand in the small of her back, which calms her down, at least a bit. The she-wolf keeps her in her place while the warrior takes a few steps forward.

Mulan draws her sword and slides around the corner while the other two wait anxiously. Emma feels how tension builds inside of her body. Her flight instincts are still telling her to run but part of her wants to lunge after Mulan to face what’s there and they can, because it’s only seconds later when Mulan calls them over. “It’s safe,” she says. Both Red and Emma relax slightly and step forward. 

“My my, _visitors,_ and so many of them at the same time,” someone squeals and the sentence ends with a sound that’s probably a giggle but it sounds like someone who’s on the verge of insanity. The figure is locked up. And he’s descending from the bars - what was he doing at the ceiling?!

Emma wonders how long he’s been in here, since the castle has been abandoned so long ago. As the threesome approaches the prison, because that’s what it is - deformed spikes grow from the ceiling and the floor and are intertwined into a cage - they get a clearer image. 

It _looks_ like a person. But the creature's skin shimmers, it’s a little… scaly, really, and it glitters like it's gold. The teeth are blackish, rotten, Emma thinks, and the eyes, those eyes… she shudders when she notices the creature intently looking at her when they approach the cage. 

“Oh yes, _yes,_ dearies, please do come closer. To what do I owe this pleasure?” he yaps, clapping his hands in excitement. Insecure, Emma looks at Mulan and Red, who seem to know who they’re dealing with but apparently, they’re both unwilling to say his name out loud. Emma’s never seen him before and because she’s starting to hate not knowing things that other people clearly do, so she blurts out: “Who the hell are you?”

It stops the creature from moving and she hears Red gasping when she asks, but before she can say anything, it takes the word and says: “How impolite of me.” He takes a deep bow. “The name is Rrrrrumplestiltskin.”

She watches his bow in surprise because she’s heard of him and she automatically takes a step back. He’s the Dark One. The darkest of all dark magic users. Rumplestiltskin continues. “And who might you be, fair lady?”  
  
“Don’t tell him,” Red instantly says, and Emma clenches her jaw immediately. It’s the polite thing to do, especially as a princess, but she trusts Red with her life so she presses her lips firmly together.

The imp pouts. “Ah, but names are my thing, and I introduced myself so you can’t keep your name from me now, dearie. That’s… so rude.”

Mulan slightly bends into Emma’s direction and whispers: “Trade it for something. He loves making deals. He's not going to withstand it.”

Emma keeps quiet and tries to remember what she's read about him. He’s the most skilled of all sorcerers she’s ever read about, but he uses dark magic. No wait, he _is_ dark magic. He's the Dark One. And Mulan’s words brought back some other memories as well - Rumplestiltskin is notorious for his deals and how they usually benefit only himself. He lives off other people's despair. However, she has to believe that Regina has led them here for a reason, so she must try and find out if he knows anything. 

“Okay… Rumplestiltskin… I think need your help.” She hears Red’s sharp intake of breath, but she ignores it when she takes a step forward. “Be careful,” she hears the she-wolf mumble and she nods, a sign that she’s heard the words. 

“And why would I help you? I don’t see how that’s beneficial for me in any way. Come now, tell me your name.” He sounds eager, almost desperate, to receive that name from her and she’s almost giving it because she pities him until she hears Mulan’s hiss beside her.

“I know you like names. If I give it to you, what can you give me?” she persists and straightens her back, thinking that she shouldn’t show any weakness, though she fears that he can smell weakness all over her being the magic user that he is. She folds her arms in front of her chest to keep them still and hopefully, she looks more brazen than she feels. 

The imp pouts briefly while he intently looks at her. “Nothing much while I’m being kept in here, dearie,” he tells her, “but please, amuse an old man who’s been kept in here for decades _._ Have some pity.”

Emma ignores his plea as best as she can. “All right. After I tell you my name, I can ask you one question and you’ll answer it to the best of your knowledge.” Emma sounds bolder than she feels. She’s happy, oh god, she’s so happy that Mulan and Red are here with her. She wouldn’t have dared to speak to this vile man if they hadn’t been here and if he hadn’t been captured in a cage. The imp narrows his eyes, looks at her while appearing deeply in thought, before his face lights up again and nods. “A feisty little thing you are, aren’t you? Very well,” he grunts in agreement, “Now, tell me!” 

I’m Emma.” She braces herself, because she doesn’t know what’s going to happen now he knows. 

“Emma…” He pauses, and it seems that he’s thinking again while tasting the name on his lips. And then his face lights up and he speaks in a higher tone. "Em-ma… the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. The _Saviour_ !” He squeals with a giggle and he sounds maniacal. It sends a shiver down her spine and her eyes grow wide, because how the hell does he know who the Saviour is, that she is apparently it but then in a completely different _life_? 

She is a bit lost and searches for some guidance when she turns her head to look at her friends, but they seem to be as surprised as she is that he knows about the saviour in the first place. And the Dark One continues. “Well perhaps I can help you after all… for a price." She doesn't like the sound of his voice, the look in his eyes. He’s mad and she doesn’t know if he was so to begin with or if the years of solitary have made him insane.

“A d-deal?” Emma doesn’t understand. Didn’t she just make one? 

“Well yes dear, deals is how I work!” the imp chatters with a huge grin on his face. And it's not a very kind one.

“We already made one,” she says, a little uncertain now, and he sighs impatiently.

“You think you’re a clever one, are you? I can see why you became the saviour in the first place. You’re entitled to _one answer to a question_ , yes? But I can make you a better deal in which I give you all the information you so desperately seek. About your parents, the Evil Queen… Storybrooke.”

Emma gasps and stumbles backwards when he casually mentions the name of the town she saw in her dream and she pales. She feels how her thoughts begin to spiral and it doesn’t stop before Mulan catches her and hisses: “Be careful, Emma.” 

She knows she should be, but this man, this creature, he knows about freaking _Storybrooke_ and she wants to know everything about it. And he knows exactly what he’s done with her mind, because he cackles. 

“How do you know.. _?”_ she starts, but keeps herself from finishing the question and he giggled.

“Knowing things is what I _do_ , dearie. Ah, so many questions, so many answers,” he hums, “What question is it going to be, Saviour?”

“I’m not a saviour,” she snaps at him, feeling the need to lash out to _someone_. He is messing with her trail of thought and there's nothing she can really do about it, and she feels helpless because of what he throws at her.

“Oh, but you are, dearie. Do you know why you became the Saviour in the first place?”

She glares at him without giving him the pleasure to cave, but he doesn’t care and chipperly continues: “Because of the Evil Queen, of course!”

The three women gasp for air at the same time and the imp’s smile widens. “Yes, dearies, her. Every saviour needs a villain. You've been seeing her, haven't you? She's been trying to get you to believe that you are the saviour, am I right? That you’re someone you’re not… or someone you’re supposed to be?" It seems he’s thriving on seeing her so confused.

“Do you know where she is? The Evil Queen?” she blurts out. The question shuts him up and his fingers curl around the branchy bars of his cell. He tilts his head, as if he’s thinking hard about an answer. Emma holds her breath in anticipation. This, this is what she desperately wants to know.

“I know where her body rests, yes, it’s closer to home than you think,” the Dark One drawls after a pause that seemed to last for an eternity, “but her mind, that’s an entirely other question as of late.” He giggles. “She appears to be… all over the place.” 

Emma feels how the floor under her feet starts to give way as her knees collapse, and she’s happy that Mulan is still holding her. “B-body? Mind? What do you mean? I-is she dead?” she stammers.

Rumplestiltskin lifts the index finger of his right hand, and unfolds his middle finger. “Ah. But that’s _two_ questions. Ready to make that deal now, dearie?”

Emma growls, desperate for answers and she feels how her heart shatters upon thinking that Regina might be dead but she knows that the imp won’t share more than he already has. And Rumplestiltskin squeals in delight. Desperation always makes for the best deals, Emma knows that from… somewhere in the back of her mind, and she doesn’t know if she’s read it somewhere or if it’s more like a memory. It makes her even more wary.

But she can’t give up, not now she’s so close. She doesn’t want to believe that the freaking reason for Regina’s nightly visits is because she’s not longer bound to an earthly life. She has to believe that the brunette is still out there. She desperately clings to that thought, not wanting her mind to waver into that direction.

“What do you want then?” she all but snaps, and it’s exactly what the Dark One has been waiting for. He claps his hand and all but cheers.

“Just one teeny tiny little thing. My freedom.” He presses his face against the bars of his prison, eagerly awaiting her answer.

Emma falters and hears her friends hiss her name to warn her, but even if they hadn’t, she realizes she can not make that deal. From what she knows about the Dark One, having him concealed in a cage is the best for everyone. 

"I… I can't." She starts backing away, plagued by visions of which she can’t figure out if they’re real or not, of dead queens and lost souls in the underworld. She turns around when she feels tears sting behind her eyes, even shaking off Mulan’s arm when she moves away from the cage. She feels devastated because it feels like this journey has been all for nothing or even worse -- it might have an outcome she hadn’t anticipated and there’s nothing she can do about it. She feels the moral obligation to not make the deal. It’s the right choice for the White Princess. And she hates being her and having all of this responsibility.

“Your parents know where the Evil Queen rests, dearie. Have you asked them?” he hastily speaks when he sees he’s about to lose her, and it stops her in her tracks. Her parents? What do her parents have to do with all of this? 

“No,” she finally breaks the silence, carefully turning back to the cage. But, Red has enough of the situation, sensing which way it’s going to go. She casts a glance towards Mulan, who nods instantly (seriously, Emma grunts, _how_ do the two of them know what the other means with just one glance?) and Red drags Emma back around the corner.

“He’s lying, Emma,” Red hisses, grabbing her shoulders. Emma is balling her fists in anger, not knowing what to believe anymore. “They would never have killed her. Snow showed her mercy before, she can’t have killed the Evil Queen. She couldn’t.” 

“Why would he lie?” she retorts. Her heart hurts.

“Think about it, Emma. He’s done horrible things to the world. Most of it for his own benefit. Your mother… she hasn’t. Look, we’ll find another way.” Red is adamant about it and Emma desperately wants to believe her. But the image of Regina being dead haunts her mind. 

“You can’t release him anyway,” Mulan softly speaks as she comes around the corner. “This cage is made of magic. And if there’s any indication, it’s blood magic. We’re in the Evil Queen’s castle so chances are that she’s the one who’s trapped him in here in the first place, which is why she’s the only one who can release him.”

Emma needs to think. She feels she’s so close, and yet too far away. The creature in there can help her - but can she let him out to wreak havoc in the world? She just doesn’t know. “I can’t think about this now,” she says weakly. Mulan nods, and leads them a bit further away from the cage but it’s not before she bellows to Rumplestiltskin that they’re pondering his offer and he should be quiet because otherwise, the deal’s surely off, that he keeps quiet.

“Sleep, Princess,” Red says, “We’ve had a long day. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”


	7. Chapter 7

_“They tell me you’re dead.”_

_They’re in a cave like the one in which Rumplestiltskin is being held captive, but there are differences. In this dungeon, there’s torches neatly lined up against the walls. There’s no magic cage and there’s just a small platform with a casket made of glass and thin wooden branches lined through it. A tree of glass. It’s a pretty casket, considering. It’s also downright creepy, considering… well, everything._

_She sits down on the platform, but with her back turned towards the empty casket, exhausted by all that has happened today. Regina stands in the shadows, near the stony walls of the cave. Her heels leave a dull sound on the earthy floor as she moves closer to the blonde._

_“Who did?”_

_Dark eyes question green ones, which fill up with tears. Emma quickly blinks them away._   
_  
_ “Rumplestiltskin,” she says and hates to hear how her voice croakes. She tries to clear her throat, but her voice sounds small when she tentatively asks: “Are you? Dead?”

_“Ah,” Regina frows. “I should’ve known this world would have a version of him, as well.” She shakes her head and sits down next to Emma on the platform, casting a quick glance into the glass casket’s direction, briefly touching Emma’s arm. Emma can swear there’s a glance of recognition in Regina’s eyes. “Well, miss Swan, I can assure you, I’m not dead. I’m just… stuck, I guess.”_

_"Then why does he speak about your body in one place and your mind is somewhere else?” she blurts out, “Isn’t that the basic definition of being dead?” A single tear rolls over her cheek and she brusquely wipes it away. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t know what’s_ real _.”_

_Regina leans in and lifts her hands to cup Emma’s face. Emma is surprised and stares into her brown gaze. Her heart skips a beat and she swallows heavily, and almost doesn’t hear Regina’s voice when the woman speaks up._

_“Don’t believe Rumple,” Regina insists, “Believe me. You’ve always believed in me, from the very start, so don’t stop doing it now. Trust your instincts, Emma.”_

_And Emma does, she really does, and Regina’s touch calms her while she leans into it. Her eyes fall shut and when they do, relief washes over her. Dream or not, Regina’s warm hands feel real. She believes that Regina is alive, but it is hard to forget the panic she felt. “He says he’ll make me a deal for your location,” she murmurs, “He’s trapped in your castle. We found him there, locked up with magic. Probably yours, we think. He wants to trade his knowledge for his freedom.”_

_Fingers tighten around Emma’s chin and the blonde’s eyes snap open in surprise. “You’re not striking a deal with Rumple,” Regina snaps, but she relaxes her fingers. “I’m sorry. Look... As much as I would like to get out from… wherever I am... freeing Rumple… it’s not worth it. In any realm. Everyone’s better off with him locked up. You’ll get there on your own. I know you will.”_

_Emma frowns. “But how?” she asks, exasperated._

_“Dig. Dig in your memories. You know where you are. You know where you have to go. You just have to piece it all together. I… If I could tell you where I was, I would. But I don’t know.” For a moment, Regina looks just as lost as Emma feels._

_Emma sighs deeply. “I’m so close,” she murmurs, eyes half closed, “So close in finding you.”_

_Regina smiles, but it is a sad smile. “I know you are. Just… try to keep moving forward, all right?”_

_Emma wants to ask why, why does everything needs to move in lightning speed, why doesn’t Regina know where she is, and Emma just wants to stay here, with her, where they’re both safe and sound in her dream. She wants to be with this antagonizing yet incredibly attractive woman, who’s just told her she isn’t dead which relieves Emma to an unknown extent she hadn’t deemed possible._

_But instead of speaking up, she leans into the brunette’s hand and nods. She sighs deeply while the final spikes of adrenaline over Regina’s death ebb away. Regina’s not dead. She’s alive and, albeit trapped in some dream world, she’s with her. She wants this moment to last forever ._

_Regina looks at her intently while her thumbs absentmindedly caress her cheeks and it sends an involuntary shiver down Emma’s spine. She feels it in her core - a warmth erupts and it slowly spreads through her entire body. Her breathing excellerates and becomes shallow. Something awakes inside her, something she didn’t even know was dormant before. Or maybe it’s been there all along and she has just been ignoring it forever. Because this feeling, it feels older than just a couple of dreams together._

_She wants to lean in and then just_ does, _because hell, why not -- she craves the warmth of Regina’s skin against her own. She wants to taste her. And she feels bold enough to try._

_Her hand slides around Regina’s waist into the small of her back and she pulls the brunette closer against her own body. She lowers her forehead to lean against Regina’s and tentatively looks into the older woman’s eyes, seeking for some sort of permission and notices that Regina’s breath is ragged as well. Regina’s eyes grow darker and it makes Emma’s lips curl into a small smile. Because her reaction tells her that she’s not the only one feeling this._

_She locks her eyes with Regina’s while her free hand hand wanders from the woman’s arm to her shoulder, and then to Regina’s face, cupping her chin while she leans in and she sighs in anticipation when their lips almost touch and --_

_What happens next isn’t what she’d expected, because Regina, cheeks flushed, launches herself away from Emma and bolts towards the wall, leaving a very confused Emma behind. She’s cold because of the sudden lack of body warmth - honestly, she didn’t know that you could feel someone’s warmth in a dream but apparently in dreams like these, you can - and confused because Regina runs from her and Emma feels insecure about her own and Regina’s feelings as well - did she misread them completely? What the hell just happened? What went wrong?_

_“Regina, I-”_

_“Find me,” she says with a choked voice, “because this… I can’t. I… You’ll... leave me.”_

_Now, Regina has returned to the shadows in which she appeared when this dream started and she lifts a hand, panting heavily. Her hand frantically wanders over the wall in a panicked movement and Emma, still trying to piece what just happened together, briefly wonders what she’s doing, but it becomes clear when she presses something. A heavy sound of rock sliding over rock emerges and the wall behind her moves away._

_“No don’t go! I’m not leaving you! You’re the one that is going away! Regina! At least talk to me!” Emma cries out, but Regina already steps through the walls and it closes. Emma leaps up and runs towards it, screaming and kicking and searching for the hidden lever, and when she finds it -_

She wakes up with a gasp, her breath hitches and her heart is hurting again, now more intensely than ever and she wheezes. And she knows. She doesn’t know how or why, but she knows that the hole in her heart - Regina left it there. In these dreams, she realizes, she doesn’t feel the emptiness that she does when she’s awake. In these dreams they share, Emma feels complete.

It leaves her even more confused. Because knowing is one thing - understanding is another. _How the hell_ can she feel something like this for someone she’s only met in her dreams? She crosses her hands over her chest and tries to breathe deeply to calm herself. Next to her, Mulan and Red are still sleeping, undisturbed by her heartache and thoughts. 

And she stands up, still a bit shaky, but there’s something she needs to do. And she does it for the most selfish reasons. She’s done with the freaking questions that just keep adding up. She knows Red and Mulan will be upset or even angry with her, but she acts instinctively and doesn’t care at all. White Princess be damned, but she is getting answers and she’s getting them _right now._

~*~

The cage that holds Rumplestiltskin is close. They left a few torches burning so they know where they have to go and Emma finds it easily. 

Rumplestiltskin watches her silently, eyes glistening, when she approaches him, but she can see the satisfied smirk that decorates his face while he contently taps his fingers against each other.

“I need answers,” she bluntly says, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Oh yes, I have those, but we’ve got a pending deal, dearie,” he smirks.

“No,” Emma says, definitively, “You can’t get out. And we both know I can’t get you out anyway because this cage is magical. I’ve got another deal. We talk. At the very least you’ve got someone to talk to for a bit so I guess you use your time wisely.” 

She knows Rumplestiltskin will try luring her either in a deal, or extract information from her that will benefit himself. She just has to be careful not to give him either. And she believes she can do that. She doesn’t want a deal. Maybe she just wants to talk to someone who seems to know more, even though he’ll reject her the answers. But maybe, there will be something he gives her that’s useful in speeding up the process of finding Regina. 

She has nothing to lose, right? She just has to make sure that she doesn’t give him anything in return. 

“It must be hard, living two lives in one,” Rumple muses, and he seems to concede while watching her intently, but she realises he doesn’t reply to what she’s said of not striking a deal. She also knows she needs to tread carefully. Maybe playing dumb is her best bet.

“What do you mean?” she warily says.

“I can see how you struggle. How’s… Storybrooke life?”

She hates how he knows things that she doesn’t. And she doesn’t want to let him know that she knows nothing about Storybrooke, except from what she’s seen in her dreams. Even though he’s freaking Rumplestiltskin. “It’s fine,” she huffs, not elaborating. 

“Oh, but you don’t know that, do you?” he relentlessly answers. He knows exactly what he’s doing. “Not really. Have the visions been haunting you? Has the Evil Queen?” He’s pushing her buttons and she grits her teeth. 

“No haunting,” she allows. 

He studies her features and Emma hopes she doesn’t give anything away involuntary. She’s still waiting for him to say something useful. So far, she’s got nothing. He narrows his eyes.

“Trapped in a curse does things to a person, doesn’t it? If anyone knows that, it’s _me._ ” He giggles. “Must be… frustrating to be stuck in a life that doesn’t belong to you.” 

Emma feels how he’s getting under her skin. He’s taunting her. She can’t help herself and almost unwilling, she throws a look over her shoulder, which makes the imp cackle. It makes her furious.

“What if I’m not trapped in the curse, but everyone else is?” she blurts out defiantly. “What if _you_ are the one that’s not real? Fake? Maybe I am in the wrong realm and this is all... nonexistent.”

She snaps her jaws shut and curses herself for basically telling him Regina’s version of the story. She can’t get her frustration over the entire situation ruin this conversation.

Rumplestiltskin hums and briefly ponders the words which Emma already regrets, because it’s information straight from her dreams.

“That would be an interesting turn of events,” the Dark One mutters. “If I’m not real, then this cage is not real, and I might be free - even if it’s in another realm. There’s another me there.” His lips twist into a perverse smile. “Or here. Or stuck in a dream.” Suddenly, he looks up and Emma gasps as she sees the dark, feverish glance in his eyes. “Tell me, Princess. How’s Belle?” 

Emma’s eyes widen at this sudden twist and his penetrating eyes, and she staggers back. “F-fine,” she stammers before she can stop herself. Why the hell would he ask about her friend? How does he even know of her existence?

The cruel smile around Rumplestiltskin’s lips grows wider. “I thank you, Saviour. You’ve given me…. _options_ ,” he says in a low voice, folding his fingers together as if he’s concocting a malicious plan. She doesn’t like his pleased posture and for the first time she’s here, she regrets coming. A cold shiver runs down her spine, chilling every bone in her body. It feels like she’s endangered her friend. She came here to get some answers or even hints, and she’s got nothing. And instead, he acts like she’s given him _everything._

Rumplestiltskin snickers. “Search the Evil Queen in the walls, dearie. I’m going to need her to free me.” He claps his hands together. “Thanks for the talk.” 

The wall? What the hell does that mean? Emma’s brow furrows and she’s about to ask what he is implying when she hears movement behind her. Red yanks her away from the cage. “What the hell were you thinking?” she hisses at Emma, and pulls her away from the cage. When Emma throws a last look over her shoulder she sees how Rumplestiltskin has turned away from the cage, but he throws up a hand as if he’s had enough of her anyway.

~*~ 

As expected, her friends are not amused when she fills them in about the conversation she’s had with the Dark One. No, that is a grave understatement, because they’re enormously pissed off and while Mulan shows it by giving her the silent treatment, Red is all over the place. “What the hell were you thinking, Emma? Why would you go there and talk to him alone?! I thought you were smarter than that!” 

But Emma’s tired, upset with her dream and her freaking _feelings_ and wants to go home and she wants to defend herself. “He’s locked up,” she snaps back, feeling the urge to defend her actions. “He couldn’t even reach me - _touch me -_ if he wanted to. And I didn’t promise him anything, I didn’t make a deal, and at least we’ve got a clue we can use.” And with these words, she wants to stomp away from her friend. She’s done talking about it, but Red is not letting her off the hook. 

The she-wolf grabs her by the arm, preventing her from leaving. “You were selfish and impatient, Emma! I told you that we would find another way without having to bring Rumplestiltskin into the mix. We’ve come this far without him! We would’ve gotten the clue another way. Now he’s - what? Pondering over ways to be able to get out because you told him he might not be real? He’s _dangerous_ , even when he’s locked up! And what the hell does he want from _Belle_?” 

“I don’t know, don’t you think I’ve been breaking my head about it over and over again?” Emma spits back, pulling herself loose abruptly. “But I need _answers_ . This is driving me _nuts_ and I need to _do_ something. And you, and Mulan, and my parents, and hell, I don’t know, _even fucking dream-Regina_ know more than I do because apparently, everybody always thought that the truth was too much for this fairytale princess to handle. So excuse me for finally having enough of this shit and taking matters in my own hands. And going back to the cage and apparently giving him _something_ without realizing - it only proves that I’m a fucking human, capable of making stupid mistakes, instead of just being the picture perfect daughter of Snow White and Prince fucking Charming.” 

She pants after her outburst and finds Mulan and Red staring at her with a baffled look on their faces. “What?!” she bites, and then she realizes that the language she’s just used isn’t anything like she’s ever uttered before. Emma doesn’t _do_ foul language. She never swears. A princess doesn’t talk like that, ever. Where is it coming from? 

It felt so natural - she didn’t even think about it - and yet, it’s so _not_ like her, which raises even more questions and the frustration is back immediately. _Trapped in a curse_ , Rumpelstiltskin says. She doesn’t want to believe, or maybe she does - she doesn’t know anymore. She breathes in and out a couple of times. _Language, Miss Swan,_ she can hear an oh, so familiar voice say in her mind, and she scoffs.

“Look,” she continues a bit more calm, meeting first Red’s, then Mulan’s eyes, “you’re my friends, you called me out on doing something insanely stupid which is what you’re supposed to do, but I’m not entirely sorry for doing it, because at least it gave me _something_ and that is exactly what I set out to do in the first place. The only thing I regret is that he managed to get something from me that I hadn’t intended to give him in the first place. You can be mad with me all you want - I’m mad at myself because it happened - and I deserve you being angry with me, but I can’t change anything about it anymore. I just want to go home now.” 

Mulan is still silent and Red shifts on her feet. “I know, Emma. You told us what you set out to do and I’d lie if I told you that I was completely fine with it. It’s partly why I wanted to come. Because no matter how you feel or what think, it _might_ be dangerous because in the end, we still don’t know what the Evil Queen really wants from you and I just don’t want you to get hurt. We don’t know what you’re going to find and we want to keep you safe, as well.” She sighs, running a hand through her hair. “We love you. And I’m not sorry - and I will never be sorry - for pointing out your stupidity because you’re right -- that’s what friends _do_.”

Emma smiles weakly. “I know. And I know going back to the cage was not my smartest move, but here we are.” She sighs. “Can we now please, _please_ go home?”

Red hums in agreement, before pulling Emma in a short hug. “We’re with you till the end, Emma,” she promises. “Let’s go, and we’ll find her, no matter how long it takes.” Emma nods and her eyes shift to Mulan, who still hasn’t said a word. Mulan studies her, and nods once. 

Emma hopes it means that they’re good.

~*~

They leave the castle without visiting Rumplestiltskin again. The journey back - first up the seemingly endless tower and then back to the horses, onwards to her parents’ castle on horseback - is tiresome. They can’t pick up the pace, because everyone, including the horses, is tired. They travel in silence, all sunk into their own thoughts. 

Emma contemplates about her feelings, about how much it hurt when she thought that Regina might be dead. She’s even more anxious about what happened at the end of the dream. She almost _kissed_ Regina and Regina fled and it caused even more heartache - as if a piece of it was chipped off. Just thinking about it makes her chest heavy. She tries to inhale deeply, but it physically hurts her. 

She still doesn’t understand. She’s been mulling over and over the final moments of her dream and she’s sure she hasn’t misread any signs. Why did Regina take off? What made her pull away? Why did she say that Emma would leave her?

There’s so much she wants to ask Regina. And Emma can’t wait to fall asleep again to see her. They need to talk - Emma snorts, because it’s still insane to talk in dreams - about the two of them. 

But when they stop - they well into the second half of their trip but they all need some rest - her dreams disappoint her. 

_“Regina!”_

_Regina is not there. Emma searches for her and desperately roams the corridors and chambers of her parental home, calling out her name in the abandoned castle. All she hears are echoes. Nobody but her is there. Even her own chambers feel chilly. The fires are out and the hallways are dark._

_“Regina, answer me!” She lights a torch, and finds herself crossing the courtyard, and going down the stairs of the tower in the very east of the castle, down towards the dungeons. She hasn’t been here often because she never needed to - only as a child she descended these stairs out of curiosity. She was caught pretty quickly by the guards, who brought her back to her parents. They had given her a stern talk because of which she never went down there again._

_The cells are empty - which is actually pretty accurate, because there’s hardly any crime in the kingdom. She wanders on, leaving the cells behind. Her footsteps are barely audible on the earthy floor. She walks and walks until she reaches the end of the corridor, but nothing’s there. Frustrated, she cries Regina’s name, but is met with a deafening silence._

_She balls her fist and defeated, she slams her hands into the walls opposite to her. But she hits something, some sort of button, or lever, and the wall slides open. She gasps surprised. Filled with anticipation she holds the torch in front of her, trying to light the blackness behind the wall. Adrenaline rushes through her and her heart skips a beat when she rushes in to see what’s on the other side of the--_

“Wake up, princess. We need to go.” 

Emma groans in frustration, squinting her eyes against the light. Red hovers over her, offering her a hand to get up. She was _almost_ there, she could _feel_ it, she thinks while accepting the hand and she pulls herself up. Her heart is pounding in her chest of missed expectations. She had _almost_ been able to see what was around the corner. 

Realization hits her with the force of a battle axe. _She knows where Regina is_. She gasps, which earns her wary glances of her travelling party. ‘Search the Evil Queen in the walls,’ Rumplestiltskin said before. He’s right. This dream was as vivid as the other ones in which she did see Regina. She must have been in her parents’ dungeons all these decades.

“Red,” she says, wide eyed. The she-wolf looks at down at her. 

“What?” 

“I think I know where she is?” It’s a statement and a question at the same time, as if she still needs some validation. Red squats in front of her.

“ _Where?_ ” Red urges her to speak, eyes flicking to Mulan who’s moved closer to listen as well.

“Rumplestiltskin.. he said, _‘Search the Evil Queen in the walls’_ . She’s… she’s in the dungeons, back home. In a hidden room. I- I think I know how to get there.” Emma suddenly jumps up which causes a yelp from Red who struggles to keep her balance. But Emma is anxious to get going and starts collecting her supplies while holding on to the vivid images inside her head. “We need to _go_.” 

Red and Mulan exchange glances and Emma sees it, but can't be bothered by it. She starts breaking up camp. It is not long before the threesome saddle and mount their horses, and they’re off on their way again. The horses have rested, and they can pick up the pace. Emma kicks her heels into her horse’s flanks, eager to get home so she can continue her search for a lost queen.


	8. Chapter 8

When they reach the palace a couple of hours later, Emma is enthusiastically greeted by her son (she spots some relief on his face, as well) and by Belle, who hisses that they need to talk. Emma nods. Belle’s finished the book, she whispers, and thinks she knows who wrote it. She can give her a summary? 

Emma is much more inclined to head straight for the dungeons, but she doesn’t have a proper explanation of what she’s going to do there. Not for her son or Belle right now, anyway. Besides, even in her haze of excitement and adrenaline, she realizes that now is not the right time. She looks around and watches the buzzing in the courtyard. People welcoming her back - a princess returning always causes some kind of agitation -, children playing, servants moving around, stable boys taking the horses back; she decides that during the day, the dungeons are off the table. There’s too many people out now. Besides, Belle’s almost jumping out of her skin in excitement. 

Emma looks at Red and Mulan, who are stretching their muscles, and Red shoos her away. “We’ll catch up with Belle later, but I need to let the wolf out to run,” she winks. Mulan also waves goodbye. “I’ve got lessons to catch up with Henry,” she quietly says. “Be careful, Emma. Think first, then act.” Wise words, but Emma doesn’t know if she can promise that. Basically everything she’s been doing these last couple of days has been guided by her instinct, an instinct that she didn’t know she had. Given, it doesn’t always work out for the best, but for the most part, it’s brought her where she currently stands.

She decides to go with Belle first, to find out what she knows, and they go to the library, where it’s quiet. Emma first checks the entire library to see if someone’s there. Three times, just to be sure. And when she’s convinced that nobody’s here to eavesdrop, she returns to Belle who already holds the book in her hand.

“So, I’ve read through it. It’s a very interesting tale, and I’m going to summarize it entirely for you, while assuming that you know nothing of the Evil Queen’s history, al right?” Belle waits until Emma nods quietly, and then she starts she starts. 

“The Evil Queen, or Regina, wasn’t always evil. In fact, she started out as a pretty normal girl. She rescued Snow White when she is just a child, Regina ran down Snow’s runaway horse. It’s how she and King Leopold met, but according to the book and contrary of what our own history dictates, she didn’t marry him voluntarily. Her mother Cora - a practitioner of dark magic, by the way - accepted the marriage and Regina didn’t really have a say in the matter. Cora even killed her boyfriend Daniel, a stable boy, after Snow told Cora that Regina and he were in love. Regina had asked Snow to keep it a secret, but Cora got it out of her anyway.”

Belle’s eyes grow sad. “According to the author, the marriage of Regina and King Leopold was loveless. Apparently, Regina was nothing more than status symbol and the author even suspected marital abuse, but he could never prove it. He speaks about bruises sometimes, but that she never wanted to talk about it.” 

Belle takes a breath, before she continues. “But then, King Leopold suddenly dies, he’s poisoned by a genie but there are suspicions that Regina had a hand in it. Ever since, the bond between Snow and herself deteriorated. Regina is consumed with revenge. Because of Snow, she believed, Daniel died and because of Snow, she had to marry the king and her life became hell and she started to take it out on her stepdaughter. And because of her revenge, she becomes an easy target for Rumplestiltskin who teaches her his dark magic.” 

“She drives Snow out of the castle, makes an outlaw of her, tries to get the people to hate Snow but they keep rallying behind the princess. Regina eventually embraces her title of Evil Queen to the fullest, burning entire villages to the ground in her rage. She never catches Snow White, though, but she somehow manages to force a sleeping curse on her, by convincing her to eat a poisoned apple.”

Belle shakes her head, eyes shimmering of enthusiasm for the tale and her voice is lined with excitement. “The dwarves find her and think she’s dead and they build her a glass casket because they don’t want to bury her. But David, he manages to wake her with true love's kiss - and the Evil Queen is furious, she declares war on them. The Evil Queen’s army is huge, because it’s partly made out of magic and Snow White and Prince Charming feel they don’t stand a chance, even with the fairies and all the light magic on their side. The Evil Queen is preparing a dark curse in the meantime, as well. She announces its creation on the day Snow White and Prince Charming are getting married.”

Now, the brown haired maiden gets even more excited and Emma is drinking in all the words, piecing the tale together with what she’s seen in her dreams and she tries to reconcile it with the image of Regina. “But while she is preparing, she is ambushed by the dwarves. There, the details get hazy but apparently, there’s a magic cuff which the dwarves force on her wrist, but not before Stealthy, the eighth dwarf, loses his life during the charge. Then, she is sentenced behind closed doors, never to be seen again. And Emma, I believe the author is Regina’s father. He reveals things only someone very close to her can know and he’s the only one that’s stood by her side. He’s passed away a few years ago, I believe.”

Emma absorbs all the information that Belle is throwing at her, but Belle isn’t done yet. “He used to be an artist, and I believe that he’s also drawn the illustrations.” She flicks through the pages, showing her Regina in various clothes and the further she gets in the book, the darker the images become. In the beginning, she sees Regina smiling, but after Daniel's death she hardly does anymore. She doesn’t recognize the angry features in the woman from her dreams, but she does remember the sad and haunted look in the brunette’s eyes. The hair is different - dream-Regina’s hair is neatly cut at shoulder length and just a little bit wavy; it’s nothing like the big hair and many curls or the long braid in these pictures - but her father captured her facial features very well. 

“So, even Regina’s father didn’t know what happened to her?” Emma asks after a while, after turning pages back and forth for a while. 

Belle shakes her head. “No. Everything’s dealt with behind closed doors. Only Snow White, the dwarfs, David, Granny, and the Blue Fairy know. And apparently, they’ve not told a soul. As if it’s a secret that they vowed not to share with anyone.” Her eyes shimmer mysteriously. Belle loves quests like these. “If you want to, I can see what else I can dig up.”

Emma nods, and then turns to face her. Because there’s something she’s wondered ever since Belle offered reading the Evil Queen’s biography. One more question which answer she’d like to know. “Why are you doing this, Belle? Why are you so invested in this?”

The woman is silent for a little bit, as if she’s pondering on what to reveal. “Because despite what everyone claims, the Evil Queen wasn’t all evil,” she slowly, carefully speaks. “And I’m not saying that because I read it in a book.” She looks at Emma’s face with caution. “She’s helped me once. Maybe it was for her own amusement and agenda in the very end, but she freed me from a very unhealthy relationship.” Belle grimaces before she continues. “I’d made a deal with Rumplestiltskin to save my family when I was very young, and worked for him for quite some time. At some point, I even thought I loved him, I believed there was someone behind the Dark One’s mask that was worth loving. It turned out I was wrong.” 

She pauses briefly, staring at her hands. “When he released me and sent me away, the Evil Queen scooped me up, telling him I was dead. Except I wasn’t and she hid me. Because his promise of releasing me was nothing more than a test. He went mad and tried to find me, until he disappeared and was never seen again. I think the Evil Queen had something to do with that, and I’ll be forever grateful for it, no matter what havoc she’s wreaked.”

The more Belle tells Emma about her history with the Evil Queen, the whiter Emma’s face grows and it’s not before Emma grabs her hands that Belle gazes at her, questioning.

“Oh my goodness, Belle,” Emma blurts out, pained. “It’s because Regina  _ captured _ him in a magical cage in her castle! I- We’ve seen him and I… he… he’s insane and he asked me about you, asking how you were and I said f-fine... I didn’t know why...” Her voice trails away and she feels horrible. If Rumplestiltskin has a reason to get out of the cage, he might try harder to achieve. 

Belle’s eyes are alert as Emma slowly continues, trying to find the words to explain herself to the one that might be the worst off when Rumplestiltskin is free from his cage. “I-- I didn’t  _ know,”  _ she helplessly shrugs, lifting her hands in a forlorn gesture. “I never made a deal, but he tricked me into saying -” She doesn’t know how to continue and neither does Belle, apparently. The brown haired maiden next to her is as white as she is. “I’m going to fix this, Belle.” Emma grabs Belle’s hands, which are much colder than they were before. “I’m going to find a way for him never to get out of that cage. I promise.”

Belle looks up, an unsure glance in her eyes. Belle’s never been one to hold a grudge. “You didn’t know. But with Regina… if she really is the one who locked him up, we might have a chance to keep him there, forever. If we can find her.”

Emma nods and leaves Belle with a heavy feeling in her stomach. She knows Mulan has feelings for Belle and if anyone can protect her, it’s the warrior. It turns out that her impulsive behaviour might have more consequences than she initially could think of. She quietly returns to her own chambers for the evening, feeling miserable, even refusing to go to dinner claiming she is too tired of the journey and needs to rest.

But she’s not. She needs to prepare. Now, more than ever.

For a second, she stands still, indecisive. Then, she straightens her shoulders. She’s made this mess. She’s going to fix it. Nobody else needs to get involved or hurt. And with a little luck, everything will coincide. With determined steps she walks to her closet and takes out a regular sized box, which she opens. She reaches in and there’s a tingle of recognition in the back of her mind when she slowly pulls a red jacket out, before holding it in front of her chest. Her hand caresses the red leather briefly, before she puts it on.

She turns and looks in the mirror while she grabs the zipper of the red leather jacket, closing it firmly and raising her chin. Her armour, Regina said. She can feel it. And tonight… 

Tonight, she’s going to the dungeons. 

~*~

Insipidly stupid or not, she’s going alone. None of her friends are going to get hurt anymore, because of her, she decides determinedly. She dresses herself in pants and a blouse, over which she wears the red jacket. The leather feels pleasantly and smells familiar in a way. She feels at ease wearing it and at the same time, she feels mentally stronger. Braver.

When she opens the door of her chambers to the corridor, the door cracks and she cringes. She must be more careful, despite the adrenaline and outright impatience running through her body. She sticks to the shadows until she reaches the courtyard, figuring out her next move. She’s at the South tower and needs to go to the East Tower. The dungeons are empty so at least here, there aren’t any guards. Maybe there’s someone patrolling inside the corridors, but there should be plenty of coves to hide. The anticipation she feels almost overwhelms her. But she has to keep her thoughts collected. She’s going to see it through till the end and she doesn’t have much time before someone’s coming to check on her. 

She slides along the walls and sneaks inside the heavy door. She’s lucky because the doors are heavy, but they’re shaded and not locked. Benefits of having a more or less crimeless kingdom, she figures. She carefully makes her way to the spiraling stairs (she is starting to hate those. Stupid towers) and she feels relieved when she finds nobody on her way down. It’s by far shorter than the stairs in the Evil Queen’s castle, fortunately, and despite the absence of criminals, the torches are lit. It makes her life all the more easy, she decides.

When sheenters the dungeon, she finds it’s awkwardly similar to the dream she woke up to earlier. She feels the need to call out for Regina, even though she knows there won’t be an answer. And it’s good that the can control herself because even though the cells are currently not occupied, there are still guards patrolling. Once, she has to duck into a cove when a guard approaches from the opposite direction, and she is so,  _ so _ scared that they can hear her. Her heart rate goes up, her heartbeat pounds in her ears and she breathes shallowly and soundlessly as the guard passes her. It takes her five minutes before she dares to step out of the shadows, until she is  _ sure _ that he is not coming back. As she passes the empty cells she picks up her speed, getting a little light headed when she reaches the far end of the corridor. 

This is it.

This is the end of her journey.

The anticipation is overwhelming. Her hands wander over the wall feverishly, presses on different dents and bumps and she's frustrated that she can’t find the lever from her dreams. She balls her fists, heart pounding in her ears. Leaning against the walls, she forces herself to breathe deeply. In and out. In and out. Focus on the dream, she reminds herself. It's difficult, but she closes her eyes, seeing her frustration when she pounded on the wall. She opens her eyes and sees that she needs to take two steps to her left. She quickly does so, her hand wandering over the rocky surface. It has to be here somewhere, it has to be, she thinks feverishly, otherwise none of this makes  _ sense _ , and her dreams have been  _ incorrect _ and then she  _ is _ going insane and-

Her fingers push and they disappear in the wall as a lever is being pressed and she gasps. Part of her still didn’t believe this could possibly be true, but as the wall slowly starts to move, she  _ has _ to. 

Quickly, she looks around and grabs a torch from a stand nearby and like the dream, she sticks it in the room behind the wall. She gasps, because there is light coming from the area. But nothing is there.

Almost nothing, she registers as she steps in. The wall behind her closes slowly, she vaguely notices. There are plenty of shadows in the room, despite the many torches and she puts her own in a holder. And there’s a platform.  _ She recognizes the platform and the glass casket from her dream. _ Only… it’s not empty, she notices and she gasps. No. No, no no! Her body goes cold and rigid and it seems like her heart stops. Her movements freeze as she stares at the glass coffin. 

Instinctively, she knows who’s in there. Her eyes are glued to the thin branches that connect the different pieces of glass, that’s almost gracefully and gently draped over the body inside. She doesn’t want to acknowledge it, but then her feet start to move automatically into the direction of the platform and it’s her,  _ it’s her _ below the glass casket, hands folded on her chest, and she looks the  _ same _ as she does - did - in her dreams. Hair on her shoulders, prince-like black and red costume, decorated with golden buttons. Her face is relaxed as she’s never seen before and  _ she can’t be dead, she can’t be. She promised. _

Emma is in shock. Here she is, at the end of the road, and she feels  _ sick _ . She feels as if she needs to throw up and sinks through her knees, heaving deep breaths. Think, Emma, think, she scolds herself as she desperately tries to push against the glass shell. It moves a little, but it is too heavy to lift on her own.  _ Fuck! _ She opens her mouth and screams in silence as she pushes again and tears spring in her eyes. Nothing much happens again and impulsively, she balls her fists and start banging on the glass coffin. She is so fucking close.  _ I know where her body is _ she hears in her mind and the fucking imp was  _ right _ , this is her body and she  _ wants _ to believe that Regina’s still alive but - 

She freezes. Something clicks and the wall starts to move again. Emma leaps towards the opposite side of the area and ducks into the shadows, right before she hears voices coming in. Sticking her fist in her mouth, she bites hard and welcomes the pain, emotions running high inside her and she needs to suppress them. She needs to focus on who’s coming in, and she wheezes. Fortunately, there are more people entering and their voices muffle her own sounds. 

It’s the seven dwarves, she sees when she carefully sticks out her head to watch. She is surprised and at the same time, she isn’t. It makes sense that the dwarves guard the glass coffin, from what she’s heard from Belle. They built it in the first place and it feels as if she’s struck by lightning as she realizes that Regina isn’t  _ dead. _ It’s a fucking  _ sleeping curse. _

“Come on,” she hears one of the dwarves growl - It’s Grumpy, she realizes in surprise and she’s never heard him so grumpy before so now she finally knows where he gets his name from - as the seven of them gather around the chest. “Look at this. I don’t like this at all. She’s suddenly changed appearance a couple of nights ago and it doesn’t bode well.” 

“But the curse hasn’t been broken. How can it be? The only one who ever loved her died,” she hears Doc say. “Her father’s the only one who would’ve been able to wake her, and he’s not here anymore. Who could ever love the Evil Queen? We are safe, no matter her appearance.”

“Still, I don’t like this. It smells like trouble,” Grumpy repeats. 

“You just need a bath,” Bashful cheerfully says which grants him a couple of chuckles from the others and a slap from Grumpy. “Mock me whatever you want, but I’m going to check this one daily. It’s not normal. And with Snow worrying about the princess and her health as well, I am not going to take any chances. Something’s off here,” he bellows, “and I am not liking it.” 

He marches off and the rest of the bunch follows. Emma sees where they push the lever in the wall and they leave. 

When the wall closes behind them, she leans back and breathes deeply, trying to bring down her heart rate. It takes her a few minutes to gather enough courage to approach the glass casket again, and her fingers trail the woven branches that connect the pieces of glass. When she reaches Regina’s head, she sinks through her knees and stares at her, intently, while Doc’s words echo in her head. 

_ Who could ever love the Evil Queen? _


	9. Chapter 9

The trip back to her chambers is uneventful. She doesn’t run into any guards or dwarves on her way out and frankly, even if she had, she probably could care less. She feels numb, defeated, angry with everyone. And she feels loss, a devastating loss. 

She’s found her. She’s finally found Regina, and now there’s still nothing she can do. 

Hopelessness and frustration rage side by side as she throws the red jacket in the corner of her room and she launches herself onto her bed. Think, Emma, think, she scolds herself. There has to be a way. She can’t believe this has all been for nothing. There has to be something she can do. But her mind goes in circles and she can’t figure out what her next step is going to be. Perhaps she should consult with her friends, but she’s not ready to talk about it. 

She mourns in silence, as tears start to sting her eyes and they slowly roll over her cheeks and nose before they fall onto her pillows. Her breath hitches as hopelessness wins the inner battle, and her eyes hurt, her head hurts and, most of all, her heart hurts. Now more than ever. It’s not even a nagging hole anymore. Right now, it feels like her heart has been ripped out and is crushed in a million little pieces. 

She closes her eyes when they start to feel even more sore from crying and feels how her pillow is getting soaked, but she doesn’t care. She is even too listless to crawl between the sheets as she slowly drifts away into a blissful nothingness in which she doesn’t have to feel anything.

~*~

She doesn’t dream, which makes her even more somber the next day. She had hoped that somehow, she would be able to see Regina in her dreams. She could have talked to her, could’ve said she’d finally found her. She’d wanted to ask her what she had to do next, because Emma was at a loss. Had Regina known what had happened to her? What’s her plan? Did she even have one to begin with? 

Somehow, she is tucked between the blankets. A servant, late at night, perhaps. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. Her chest aches like hell. Today, she wants to stay in bed, covered with blankets, hurting and grieving. She pulls the blankets over her head. There’s another day to think tomorrow. She needs to process this first.

But if she thinks people will leave her alone, she’s mistaken. People never leave princesses alone, especially not if those people are worrying about her.

Her son comes, worried, and she sends him away. She can’t look at him, can’t tell him everything without picturing disappointment on his face and that’s too much for her to bare right now. 

Her mother comes, and she’s the last person she wants to see. Snow hovers, is overly worried, wants to talk and nervously feels Emma’s forehead. “Don’t,” Emma snaps, and Snow pulls her hand back instantly, surprised. “I want to be left alone. Please, leave.” Baffled, Snow does what she says, wondering what on earth has happened with her normally level-headed, loving daughter over the last couple of days.

Snow cannot just let it go, she can´t let it rest - she never can when it’s someone she loves and Emma is her daughter - and returns with her husband. Emma can never say no to her father and it’s vice versa, and Snow knows. They both sit down at a side and she feels how the mattress sinks where they sit. “Talk to us, Emma. We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s wrong,” Snow pleads, and David adds: “It hurts us to see you like this, sweetheart. You can always talk to us, you know that.”

It stings. Because she  _ tried _ to talk to them and they didn’t listen, because they waved away her concerns, her dreams, her thoughts. And it annoys the hell out of her. She sits up straight within the blink of an eye, which causes a high yelp from her mother and Snow jumps up. “ _ Fine _ ,” she snaps, throwing the blanket off her head, “Then tell me about the Evil Queen. Tell me what happened and what went down between the two of you. Or actually, between the three of you.” 

Snow gasps for air and she stumbles off the bed. “What does the Evil Queen has to do with any of this? I don’t understand.”   
  
“Well,” Emma retorts, “That makes two of us. You’ve been keeping this entire history from me, even after I’ve asked you to tell me, several times.” She folds her arms in front of her chest and lifts her chin, glaring at her mother and then her eyes flick to her father. I’ve asked you twice, now, and twice you don’t want to talk about any of it. What’s happened to Snow White, her pure honesty and always doing the right thing? Keeping the truth from anyone can hardly be classified as good. I want answers, and if you’re not going to give them to me, I’m going to find them myself. Whether you like it or not. And believe me, I  _ will _ get the answers.”

“I-I-I…” Snow stammers. For a moment, Emma thinks she sees the queen’s eyes fill up with tears but her mom turns away from her, slides off the bed and slowly makes her way towards the door. “You tell her what she needs to know,” she softly tells her husband, and she leaves.

Emma’s never hurt her mother before and she can’t remember ever making her cry. It hurts her chest even more that she’s needed to do this to get some answers. She bites on the inside of her cheek and turns towards her father, while raises an eyebrow, waiting for him to start talking.

He sighs, and shifts his weight to get more comfortable. “What do you want to know?”

Finally, victory. She feels a little of the tension in her shoulders vanish. She can always count on her father. “Why can’t mom talk about the Evil Queen?”

“I guess… because she’s never forgiven herself for what’s happened,” he answers.

Emma looks up, surprised. That’s not something she had expected. “Then what happened?”

He waits a bit, unsure about where to start. “What do you know already?” he finally asks.

Emma gives him an even shorter summary that Belle gave her. She simply represents it as facts and she sees how David nods, a bit surprised about how much information she’s already gathered. She talks about Cora, Daniels death, the involuntary marriage (David frowns at the mention of abuse - it seems like he’s never heard of this before), the poisoned apple and how her father woke her mother. “The last thing I know is that she was ambushed, the dwarves forced a magic bracelet on her, and that she vanished,” she concludes her story. She narrows her eyes. “And that sentencing was done behind closed door with only a select few present at the time.”

David nods slowly. “Let’s get back to this poisoned apple and its sleeping curse,” he said. Because there’s a couple of things you must know about especially the sleeping curse and your mother.” And Regina, Emma silently adds, but she returns the nod, keeping quiet.

"A sleeping curse doesn’t really make you sleep. You’re basically… stuck between life and death and you’re left with nothing but dreams formed with your own regrets. Your mom once described them as haunting memories. And there’s nothing you can do. You’ll relive them, over and over again, without the ability to change the outcome. Your body… it becomes your tomb when the curse hits you. But what’s more… the curse has to be taken willingly.”   
  
Emma is surprised by the information. “Willingly? Why the hell would she take it willingly?”

David smiles wistfully. “Your mother bit the apple voluntarily… to save my life. The Evil Queen had captured me and Snow had to choose: Me, dying, or taking the sleeping curse. She chose the latter. Fortunately, I was able to wake her.”

“True love’s kiss,” Emma mutters.    
  
“Yes,” her father sighs. “But the curse didn’t end with a kiss. What you need to know is that a sleeping curse doesn’t end when someone wakes up. It continues to haunt you whenever you fall asleep, until it gets to bad that you don’t want to fall asleep anymore. It takes a long time before the nightmares grow less.The sleeping curse…. it was traumatic for your mother. For a long time, she didn’t want to go to sleep and if she did, she had these horrible nightmares from which she’d wake up screaming.”

Emma tried to wrap her head around everything. “But why… Why did the Evil Queen ever agree to take the sleeping curse?” 

“Because when the Evil Queen was captured, she was given a choice. The same one she’d given your mother. Either you take the curse… or you die. She chose the former.”

“That’s a cruel punishment for someone who is loved by so little people,” Emma states. She feels anger boiling in her stomach. 

David smiles, sadly, and his eyes shift from her face to the blanket. “Yes. Yes, it is. But you have to realize that then, we were at war with the Evil Queen. She’d killed countless people. Burned villages to the ground. She tried to murder us several times. The Queen capturing me, putting your mom under the sleeping curse and announcing the Dark Curse at our wedding, Stealthy dying... I hope you can somewhere understand how high the emotions were running when we finally captured her.” 

David sighs, eyes flicking back to his daughter’s. “In the heat of the moment, it seemed like a fitting punishment... An eye for an eye. And then you were born, and the kingdom was safe, so we tried to ease our minds with the thought that we did the  _ right _ thing. We prevented the Evil Queen from casting a Dark Curse, we had you and you grew up in safety, there are hardly any acts of violence or crimes in the kingdom… Life was  _ good _ . But as the years passed, we realized we might have been too hasty with the trial. At the time we gave her the choice, we were sad, hurt, angry. We dealt with the matter as we saw fit emotionally. Maybe we should’ve waited longer. We realized that we wanted to get it over with. But when your mom’s nightmares continued, we started to realize that we weren’t any better than the Evil Queen. Your mom was under the spell for a few days and it already felt like an eternity, she said. The Evil Queen… she’s lived it for decades already.”

She sees how it weighs on his shoulders as he says: “Maybe there had been another way. But it’s too late now. We made our choice.” 

“And you should own it. You’ve been secretive about everything,” Emma scowls. “Why not just  _ tell _ me?” She wraps her arms around herself as if she wants to protect herself and turns her body away from her father and he sighs. 

“We did not intentionally wanted to keep secrets, sweetheart,” he said. “It’s just… we thought it would be better for you not to know. You were always so happy, your life so blissfully uneventful and we wanted that for you. We didn’t want to bother or upset you with choices that we made in the past. Or maybe we didn’t want to see the disappointment in your eyes… the one I’m seeing now.” She sees the disappointment mirrored in his eyes. 

Emma shakes her head in disbelief. “Did I ever give you the impression that I didn’t want to know, even after I asked for it? And upset me - disappoint me… that you did. I can maybe understand the choices you made in the past. We’re all human beings, we all make mistakes. But I can’t understand why you waved me away when I asked about it, more than once.”    
  
Suddenly, she needs to talk to Belle. “I’m getting up,” she says pugnaciously. “And I am going to see Belle. Thanks for telling me, but I’m not quite ready to forgive any of you. You can go now.” She turns her back to her father and slips from her bed, behind the folding screen. She ignores the corset - why anyone would voluntarily wants to wear them is beyond her and she can’t  _ believe _ she’s just realized it - and slips into some soft, leather tight pants and a crisp, white blouse. Much better. 

When she reappears from behind the screen, her father is gone.

She picks up the red leather jacket she threw in a corner the day before and looks at it for a moment, but then decides to fold it and put it away. Before she exits her chambers she sighs deeply while she relives her father’s story. At least she finally knows what’s happened. Now, she needs to figure out how to use that information in order to wake Regina up.


	10. Chapter 10

Emma needs Belle and despite the tongue lashing she will probably get from Red and Mulan, she wants to inform them as well. Belle’s great with research and if there’s  _ any  _ chance of breaking a sleeping curse without true love’s kiss, the librarian will find it. After the talk with her father, Emma suddenly feels more confident about everything. Maybe it is because she finally know what was kept from her. And she’s  _ sure  _ that there is a way to fix this.

It takes her some time to gather them in the library. After a quick inspection to ensure they’re alone (honestly, does nobody ever come here?) she sits them down and starts talking. She starts with how she came here, talking to Belle to share Regina’s history, what the Evil Queen had done for Belle and how she and Belle left things after the freak out over Rumplestiltskin, about her decision to go to the dungeon and finally, what she found out. She ignores the murderous look in Red’s eyes and focuses on the more understanding eyes of Belle as she continues with what her father has told her about the sleeping curse. 

“True love’s kiss is the strongest magic of all,” Belle says, forehead wrinkling. “I’m not sure if there’s a way to replicate or substitute that or if there’s another way to break that spell. I’ll start doing research, but it might take a while. Maybe I can send a message to Aurora as well, seeing that she’s dealt with a sleeping curse before. But Emma,” Belle gently adds, “I don’t blame you for the deal with Rumple. You didn’t know. Don’t punish yourself.” 

Red just growls at that. Mulan eyes her and gives her a warning gaze, before she speaks up. “But Emma, please, at least let us know when you go down there. Even if you don’t want us there with you.” She lifts her hand as Red starts to protest. “Sometimes,” Mulan continues, glaring at her friend again (and apparently, Red listens because she doesn’t speak up), “there’s things you have to do alone. And you’ve showed that you’re able to take care of yourself, but you’ve also proven to be very impulsive and occasionally, pretty stupid.” She smirks to soften the blow. Emma wants to protest, but knows her friend is right. In the heat of the moment she made a decision and this time it went all right (even though she didn’t like the outcome) but the next time, she might not be so lucky.

“I’ll see if I can be put on patrol duty near the dungeons,” Mulan says. “That way, it makes it safer to go down there for you.”

“And I’ll research all the possible ways to break curses like these,” Belle adds. 

“I’m going to be around to keep you out of trouble,” Red huffs, and Emma smiles at her friends. 

“Thank you for doing this.” She can’t believe she’s got a bunch of friends who’d help her,  _ almost _ without no questions asked. 

“There’s something you have to think about, though,” Belle softly says - tentative, as if she doesn’t really know how Emma’s going to respond. “I know you feel hurt by your parents, but they want nothing but the best for you. You should consider telling them. All of it.”

Emma narrows her eyes briefly while she gazes at her friend, but nods. She’ll consider it. And maybe, when she’s forgiven the both of them, she’ll tell them, but not now. Not when the feelings of hurt, betrayal and distrust still are so fresh.

~*~

_ She’s in a strange town. She’s been here before, but it’s been a while. This crazy quest started here. _

_ Storybrooke. _

_ She sees different shops and establishments that are strangely familiar. Some of them she hasn’t seen in the previous dream, while she recognizes others from the very first time she visited.  _

_ The streets are quiet. There’s not a lot of people out on the streets. She encounters a tall, slim man who’s walking his dog and he greets her. She smiles back. It’s like she knows him from somewhere. He looks at her fondly. As if he knows her. As if she belongs. _

  
_ She greets some others because she knows them from her world. Red rolls her eyes at her when she passes a bed and breakfast (what the hell is she wearing?! That’s not even a skirt, it’s more like… a big belt?!), while Granny is scolding her. Emma grins, because that scene looks all too real to her. Nothing strange happening here, she thinks amused. _

_ She passes a few shops and almost automatically, she turns a street. The street - she instinctively  _ knows  _ she has been here before. But she hasn’t been here, it just  _ feels _ that she has. The buildings in this street are bigger than the shops on Main Street. Mifflin, the road sign says. Another familiarity that tugs on her brain. Another thing that leaves more questions than answers, Emma sighs.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ She turns when she hears hurried footsteps behind her. “Hey ma! Are you going to see mom?” Henry comes running and skids to a halt when he’s reached her. His brown eyes look up warmly and she wraps an arm around his shoulders. He looks like Henry, but he’s younger and different at the same time. More playful. Less serious. Less protective. More… in place. _

_ He’s still waiting for an answer. Her brow furrows as she thinks about what he said. “Ma...Mom?” she carefully asks. Henry snickers, rolling his eyes in an o-so familiar way. “Well, duh, you’re walking to her house, right? Or...?” Instantly, his face drops. “Nothing serious happened, right ma?” She sees that he can be as serious as her own Henry and instantly wants the playfulness back. _

_ “No! No, don’t worry, kid,” she quickly reassures him, albeit highly confused (although so much has happened that should perhaps worry him but this is not  _ her _ Henry to begin with….. right?). “Everything’s fine.”  _

_ Relief washes over his young face. “Okay!” They’ve reached a huge mansion. White pillars assume dominance over the entire street, as it is clearly the most majestic building of the area. Henry darts away from her. “Mom’s probably working in the backyard, see you later!”  _

_ Mom. She’s intrigued and scared at the same time with what he’s said and strides forward. She’s going to see what is in the backyard of the tallest building in the surroundings. What’s more, and now she’s frowning, she’s going to see who he’s calling mom. He’s never called her that before. She’s always been ‘ma’ to him. But then, who? _ __   
_   
_ __ Just before she turns the corner she halts, remembering a dream. One that she had, not long ago, and its words hammer in her head as she steps forward. 

“Where we’re from… we actually share custody of a son.” 

_ Emma gasps. What  _ are _ Regina and she to each other in this dream world? She's felt a connection with the brunette from the very start. Does that mean that they're close... in Storybrooke? Her head spins while she turns the corner, and stops to take in the garden behind the mansion. Neatly cut hedges form a path to a lush green patch of grass and the garden is surrounded by large trees, which add to the grandeur of the building. Rose bushes grow next to the lawn, lining the grass and growing luxuriantly. Small beddings are placed playfully in the lawn and are bordered by low, thin hedges and in the middle of the lawn stands a beautiful tree, heavy with deep red apples. Honeycrisp, Emma knows, but she doesn’t know  _ how  _ she knows it. _

_ One of the branches of the tree has been cut off and lies behind the stem. Emma moves closer and sees a chainsaw next to it, casually thrown aside, before she sees a small woman squatting next to the fallen branch. She’s frantically gathering the apples from the cut off branch. And when Emma clears her throat, the brunette jumps up and swirls around. _

_ “Emma!” Regina sounds surprised and there’s something else in her voice that the blonde doesn’t recognize immediately.  _

_ “Regina,” she breathes. Her heart jumps up and it’s such a familiar feeling that her mind barely registers it anymore. _

_ “What are you doing here?” It almost sounds like an accusation and Emma scowls, which feels like an automatic reply. Whether Regina makes her deliberately feel unwelcome or not, it stings. _

_ “How the hell should I know? I only fell asleep,” she retorts and the brown eyes change from irritation to surprise. “Where have you _ been _ , Regina?” _

_ Regina’s lips twitch in a small smile as she lifts a weak hand as she waves around, indicating that she’s been here all the time, but she doesn’t say anything and Emma doesn’t need an answer before she continues, because she never knows how much longer Regina stays in her dreams. “I  _ found _ you, Regina, or at least, I found your body because my parents put you under a sleeping curse.”  _

_ Regina’s eyes widen and Emma sees a load of emotions washing over the brunette’s eyes. Shock, again, fear, panic and Emma instinctively steps forward and grabs Regina’s wrist. With a jerk of her head, Regina looks at Emma. The panic is still there and Regina breathes shallowly. Emma, still holding the queen’s wrist firmly, can feel her heart racing. Her touch seems to ground the brunette a little. “If that’s so….,” Regina slowly says with a shaky voice, “we have a huge problem.”  _

_ “We’re working on that. We’re going to try and find for a way out of the curse, without having to use true love’s kiss.” Emma shuffles awkwardly with her feet, letting go of Regina’s wrist in the process. She misses the touch immediately and folds her hands together. “Since, you know, there’s not a lot of chance someone loves you, and all.”  _

_ Regina’s shoulders slightly slump. “There’s none in this world,” she murmurs. _

_ “No,” Emma grins apologetically, “we figured as much. I’m sorry.”  _

_ “That’s… that’s not what I mean. There is no alternative solution for a sleeping curse. You need the most powerful magic that exists. Love. True love’s kiss.”  _

_ Regina bends through her knees and sits on the lawn, back against the stem of the apple tree. She looks defeated and Emma doesn’t understand. She squats in front of the brunette and she touches Regina’s chin, making her to look into her eyes. “There must be another way. There always is. And I  _ promise _ you, I’ll find it.”  _

_ Regina laughs, but it is without humor and she speaks bitterly. “It is a cruel twist of faith that I come after you to save you, and now it appears you actually have to save me.” She stares into the distance but doesn’t see anything. “There’s not other way.” She balls her fists and closes her eyes. _

_ Instinctively, Emma knows this is one of those moments in which Regina poofs away in that purple smoke of hers and she’s prepared to wake up in frustration - _

_ “No! Don’t you poof -- “  _

_ But the dream continues. Regina’s still here. And so is she. And Regina has the audacity to look surprised. Despite the defeated look in her eyes, Regina says: “Well. That’s unexpected.” _

_ “What?”  _

_ “Your magic - it must be interfering with mine.” Regina’s eyes study her thoughtfully. _

_ The blonde furrows her brow. “ _ My  _ magic _ , _ ” she says with a snort.She’s not buying it.  _

_ “I thought I was visiting you in your dreams.” Regina lifts an eyebrow. “I thought I controlled these… these visits. I was wrong. Apparently, you’ve taken over… and you’re now in mine. I hadn’t realized.T hat's why I was so surprised seeing you here." Her brow furrows.  _

_ Emma looks baffled. “But how?”  _

_ “Well, as I said a moment ago, your magic, dear.” Regina heaves a sigh. _

_ “But... How?” _

_ Regina doesn’t answer right away, and then slowly, she says, searching Emma’s eyes with her own, “You don’t  _ know _?” Regina frowns and sounds surprised. _

_ Now, Emma starts to get antsy. “Know  _ what _?” she barks. _

_ “Emma, you’re the most powerful light magic user I know.” Regina’s voice raises an octave as she talks with an exasperated tone, as if she’s been telling her this over and over again and Emma just doesn’t want to listen, but the blonde really doesn’t have a clue of what she’s talking about. Regina frowns. “Are you telling me you know nothing about your powers?”  _

_ Emma’s bewildered face speaks for itself as Regina continues, almost scowling. “You’re the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming and you’re born out of the most powerful magic there is. There’s nothing in this realm, nothing that happened, that gave you a tiny bit of indication that there’s magic around you?” Regina can hardly believe it. Emma jumps to her feet and starts to pace up and down.  _

_ “No! The only times I saw magic since all of this started was when you gave me gifts from your dreams and took away my bruises after my trainings with Mulan!” Green eyes almost beg Regina to affirm her words.  _

_ Regina jerks her head towards Emma and for a brief moment, watches her intently. It takes a little while for her to answer the question. “Emma… I didn’t heal you.” _

_ Emma is so confused. She vividly remembers the hurting she experienced after her trainings with Mulan. In the end, she just figured that it had been Regina. Or maybe a servant. But herself? She opens her mouth, closes it again and shakes her head, rejecting the idea of herself being a magic user completely. “I… I…It’s not possible. Maybe a servant did.” She drops down next to Regina. Despite the fact that she doesn’t believe, Regina’s still the safest place to be right now when things are being thrown at her that she doesn’t know how to deal with. _

_ Regina sighs and rolls her eyes. “It most certainly is possible. Funny how you can believe that I’m real, that these dreams are real, but you can’t accept that magic is in you. Must everything new be rejected? You’re a bigger non-believer here than you were at home. And you’re living in the freaking Enchanted Forest, for God’s sake.”  _

_ Emma snorts at that remark, and she shrugs. She doesn’t want to talk about it. Her brain needs time to process and abruptly, she changes the subject. “So this is your dream?” she says, waving around with her hand. “Storybrooke?”  _

_ “Yes.” Apparently, Regina is momentarily willing to let go of the subject, as well. But the glance in her eyes says tells Emma that she’s not done with the matter. _

_ Emma has so many questions but can’t voice a single one of them. “Why is this moment important for the curse?” she finally asks, waving her hand again.  _

_ “This isn’t the firsts time I’ve been here,” Regina says,” while being under the curse. The curse forces me to relive the memories I regret most. I didn’t know this one was something I regretted until I you told me about the sleeping curse. I’ve relived this one a couple of times, now I think of it. Only this one is different, because you came.” Regina smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Funny how when you realize you’re under a spell, things become clearer.” _

_ Emma hums. “Hmm. Then what do you regret about this memory?”  _

_ Regina sucks her lower lip between her teeth under Emma’s watchful eye, and for a little while, Emma doesn’t think she’ll reply until she actually opens her mouth. “You killed my tree.” She makes a waving gesture towards the fallen branch and the chainsaw lying next to it. _

_ “I? But I never -” she starts protesting, but Regina cuts her off. _

_ “In my realm, you did. We…” Regina sighs before she continues, “we were fighting a lot. Especially in the beginning. I hated you. You hated me.”  _

_ Emma looks genuinely perplexed, not understanding how she could ever hate Regina. “Why?”  _

_ “Henry. We were fighting over Henry.” Regina watches her with a regretful smile. “Things would probably have been…. different, if we hadn’t. If I hadn’t been so afraid to lose Henry,” she says, sighing simultaneously with speaking. “Maybe things would have worked out differently.” She looks at Emma and there’s a sense of longing in her eyes that gives Emma goosebumps and she wants to ask Regina to elaborate but she can’t because Regina shrugs and turns her eyes away, before she continues. “But the problem with these sleeping curses is that you just relive your regrets. You can never change what happened. Just see them over and over again.”  _

_ “I… I still don’t understand.” Emma couldn’t wrap her head around all of this.  _

_ And then, Regina tells Emma. She tells her how Storybrooke came to be because in her realm, she did, in fact, cast the Dark Curse. She speaks about the consequences it had for Emma. She talks about what her own life had been like in Storybrooke for 28 years and how she adopted Henry. About her, Emma, growing up in the foster system - a system that Regina has to explain to the blonde as well - and what triggered Henry to come and find his birth mother on her 28th birthday. Henry, who had read a book and believed his adoptive mom was the Evil Queen - which she was, but nobody at that point had known. That Regina had been so relieved when Emma’d brought him back until she learned who she was, followed by her fear of losing Henry who hated her at that point and wanted nothing to do with her anymore. How the feud began and how Regina got Emma arrested right before she came here to molest Regina’s tree. _

_ Emma listens silently and feels the - now familiar - tug in the back of her brain. As if Regina’s words ring true, but she just can’t access the memory. It’s just outside of her reach. But imma, who reluctantly accepted that her dream - or at least the woman in it - is real, again doesn’t know what to believe. Her, magic user. An entire history what  _ might _ have happened, hadn’t her parents defeated the Evil Queen so long ago. Fighting over a child which she gave up in the first place to give him his best chance. It’s too much to grasp, too much to handle. And her mind is actively starting to block the sliver of doubt that says it might just be all true. That all she knows is fake. _

_ Regina watches Emma’s face carefully and sees how the disbelief is winning. She scowls, then sighs, rolls her eyes and runs a hand through her hair in an exasperated gesture. “I’ve always been amazed that the heart of the truest believer sprang from someone who questions everything and believes nothing,” she growls. _

_ “Who’s heart?” Emma asks. _

_ “Henry’s heart,” Regina huffs impatiently. “He has the heart of the truest believer. And you - you never believed until you had no other choice than to do so. Which was convenient at first when you arrived in Storybrooke because it took you ages to figure out the curse was real, but now it’s an annoyance at best.”  _

_ “Hey,” Emma protests, “It’s just -- it’s so  _ not _ me. I just- I just need to…” She doesn’t know what she needs and deflates. “I can’t be that Emma,” she then meekly says. She pulls up her knees and wraps her arms around them. “I’m not that though. Hell, I almost peed my pants when looking for you in that dungeon.” She turns her head to meet Regina’s gaze and shrugs an apology. “I’m not Brave Emma. I never was.”  _

_ “Well. You’re here now, right? You found me. In my book, that’s pretty brave.” Regina’s tone has softened somewhat and she reaches for Emma’s hand. Their fingers intertwine. _

_ Emma feels the corners of her mouth tug, she’s grateful for the words. For a moment there’s a peaceful understanding as they both lean against the tree, shoulders brushing and fingers laced. It spreads a warm feeling through her body. Emma realizes how normal this all is. Absentmindedly, her thumb strokes Regina’s and she rests her head on Regina’s shoulder. She thinks about everything that’s happened up till now. About where it all started. Here, and with a strange dream about a far, far away land -  _

_ Two seconds later, she snaps her head up. “The  _ jungle,”  _ she cries out. Now it’s Regina’s time to look puzzled and Emma hurries to explain, her voice excited. “You said your Henry hated you when I cut your tree. But I remember a dream, one of the first, where we were in a jungle and he didn’t hate you so you mended things, right?”  _

_ “Neverland… and yes, we did?” She says it like a question, wondering where Emma is going with it.  _

_ The roles have reversed and now Emma is impatient because Regina can’t follow her line of thought. “Henry  _ loves _ you in your realm, right?” _

_ “Yes.” Regina smiles, fondly. Her eyes are soft when she thinks of her son. “Yes, he does.”  _

_ “If I can convince  _ my _ Henry of your story, that you’re not the evil queen in _ our  _ realm and that you’re trapped in the wrong body - I mean, if he has the heart of the truest believer he has to has it in this realm as well, right - then  _ he _ might be the one who’s able to wake you up.”  _

_ Regina looks at her, quiet. She’s mulling over Emma’s words “Loving someone takes… time, Emma. This Henry is not mine, he doesn’t know me except from the stories he’s heard. And they’re probably not the ones in which I come across as a sympathetic character.” At these words, she turns her head to stare into the distance. But Emma knows she hasn’t shot the idea right away so that must mean that she’s thinking about it. She feels excitement building up inside her belly. Is this Regina’s way out?  _

_ Regina continues after a short pause. “There’s so much history to cover that you don’t know - no, wait! I might… Wait here.”  _

_ The brunette jumps up and paces away and disappears from sight and Emma is left behind, puzzled but filled with anticipation because she might have found a solution even though there’s so much that she hasn’t figured out yet. And then, Regina’s back again with a dream catcher and holds it up in triumph. Emma shrugs, indicating that she doesn’t know what she means.  _

_ “ _ _ I will give you a copy of my memories in the dreamcatcher,” Regina explains. “I will also teach you how to access these memories. You and Henry, you’ll be the only ones who can see.” Emma’s body vibrates as she feels how the purple magic erupts from Regina’s fingertips. Interfering magic, she remembers, even though she is still not on board with herself being a witch, but she can’t deny her insides twitching and turning as the dreamcatcher lights up with magic. She sees how Regina’s magic extracts a golden glow from her head which is gently guided into the dreamcatcher and she holds her breath until the light fades. Regina looks up with a satisfied look on her face. Step one is complete, apparently. _

_ “Now, the only thing you need to do is access it with your magic.”  _

_ “But how? I don’t know magic,” Emma protests, but it is not as fiery as it was before. Regina sighs impatiently.  _

_ “Yes, you do. And I’m going to trigger it. So, pay attention. This will be your  _ second  _ first magic lesson,” Regina smiles and Emma is happy to see that there’s something else than sadness, panic or grief in those beautiful brown eyes for once.  _

_ There’s hope, and there’s eagerness and determination and it makes Emma’s heart flutter. Regina reaches for Emma’s hand and electricity runs through her arms as Regina gives her the dreamcatcher. She holds it awkwardly. Only a little over a week ago she was Princess Emma. Now she needs to believe that she’s a sorceress?  _

_ Regina catches her eyes and holds her gaze. “Magic, dear, is fueled by emotion. It’s inside you. And you have to reach for it. You know it’s there.”  _

_ Some of these words seem like she’s heard them before and Emma looks up, surprised. Regina smirks, knowingly. “Last time I told you all of this you were hanging from a rope bridge,” she says with a raised eyebrow. “I  _ do  _ hope I don’t have to go to such extreme measures another time.” _

_ This Regina is confident. Determined. Pushy. And it makes Emma crawl back emotionally as if she needs to protect herself. Because this reassured woman is someone she doesn’t know how to deal with, even though she’s still Regina. Is this what the Evil Queen looked like? In any case, this is a woman who could probably mountains with the flick of her wrist. _

_ How the hell will Emma ever be able to live up to her expectations? If - and only  _ if _ \- she’s going to acknowledge that there’s magic inside her, she’s never used it consciously. Now she’s here, furrowed brow, tense with anticipation and with Regina in front of her which makes her question herself even more. Especially when Regina’s patience is starting to wear thin.  _

_ “I really - really hope I don’t have to put you on a collapsing bridge again,” Regina huffs as her eyes narrow a bit. She folds her arms in front of her chest and Emma feels nervous, incapable and a failure and because of it there’s no room in her head for anything else to concentrate on and -  _

_ Emma yelps as she dodges a fireball. “Regina,” she cries out, “What the hell are you doing?” _

_ “Teaching you to swim. Again,” the brunette adds while rolling her eyes. She lifts her hand and another fireball appears. A twisted smile forms around Regina’s lips and something shimmers in her dark eyes. “I do advise to defend yourself. I’m not sure if a sleeping curse prevents you from dying in someone’s dream.”  _

_ “Are you out of your mind?!” Emma squeaks, taking a few steps backwards, hands raised in an automatic defense.  _

_ “Magic is instinct, Emma,” Regina says while throwing another fireball at her. Emma evades it, but sees how a lock of hair is scorched and she growls in anger. Regina isn’t impressed. “Push your instincts. Master them. Again.” Now, she raises two hands and Emma gasps, because this fireball is three times the size of the previous one.  _

_ “Regina, stop it!” _

_ “No, you stop it,” she spits at the blonde. “YOU have to do this. Reach into your gut. You know you can do this -- it’s inside you, Emma. Save yourself!”  _

_ Regina lifts her hands above her head and lunges the fireball at her. Emma vaguely sees how Regina’s eyes flash with something that resembles panic but can’t think about it when the fireball is coming straight at her and she closes her eyes, arms half crossed to protect her body, half stretched out towards it and she braces for impact and - _

_ It explodes right in front of her. For a moment, there’s a wall of fire. And then, the fire is moving upwards to the sky, where it explodes like fireworks and Emma sees Regina’s shocked and relieved face, as if she didn’t really expect that she could do it.  _

_ “I… I did it,” Emma breathes and Regina smirks.  _

_ “Told you so. And,” she said with an arched eyebrow, “Still the overachiever, I see. You just had to will it away. Not create fireworks out of it. But that’s… how you are, I guess.” Emma still looks at her hands, full of wonder. She’s a magic user. A fucking witch. Regina watches her, arches an eyebrow and shakes her head in exasperation and moves on to the next subject. There’s no time to waste, apparently. _

_ “Pay attention, dear. Now, about that dreamcatcher. Feel the energy you used just now. Project it onto the dreamcatcher and will it to show the memories.” _

_ It’s easy now and Emma feels proud. She beams at Regina when the memories show. “I’m doing it! Look, I’m doing it!” Excited, she pulls Regina closer and plants a kiss on her cheek and instantly, then they both fall silent. The brunette pulls back, just outside of Emma’s reach. A vein on Regina’s forehead is pulsating heavily. The magical light of the dreamcatcher dies out as they stare at each other, without saying a word.  _

_ Emma takes a tentative step forward into Regina’s direction and her eyes narrow slightly as she studies Regina’s face. She’s a little surprised that Regina seems uncomfortable - especially after what she’s seen just now, when she was magically challenging her - and it makes the situation even more awkward. It seems that the tables have turned. But at the same time, she notices the brunette’s ragged breath and knows she’s not imagining this. Regina didn’t run away. _

_ She takes another step and raises her hands, one of which searches for Regina’s hip, the other one cupping Regina’s cheek and she feels a tentative hand on her shoulder. Breath excellerates on both sides and Emma feels the tension rise in her stomach while her eyes divide their attention between chocolate brown eyes and plump lips and she leans in a little closer, feeling the urge to finally taste those lips. “Regina,” she murmurs, “I want to kiss you.”  _

_ Regina pulls away instantly. “I- I can’t do this, Emma,” she says, sounding desperate, “You have a whole other life in Storybrooke and I can’t-” _

_ “Why not?” The instant despair and frustration sound in Emma’s voice. “Tell me why not because clearly you have information that I don’t. And I know I’m not imagining things and that you feel this too. Am I wrong?”  _

_ “You’re seeing someone in Storybrooke, Emma,” she hoarsely throws the words, “You’re in a dedicated relationship. And even more, you went to hell and back for him.” Regina spits out the words as if she doesn’t like how they taste. “You might not know, you might not remember but I do. And I just can’t.” She sounds firm and Emma wants to scream and pull out her hair and -  _

_ She feels a tugging at her mind and knows she needs to wake up. But before she leaves, she growls while pointing at the brunette with the dreamcatcher in her hands, “This conversation is not over.” _

~*~ 

She’s awake. Her heart pounds, her body is sweaty and her blood sings. She has a hole in her heart, but it doesn’t ache as much as it used to. As if it’s starting to mend, even though she’s furious.

She vividly relives what happened just before she woke up, and she groans in agony. Her entire body hurts from unfulfilled sexual tension. “Damnit,” she growls. Rolling over in her bed, she feels she’s lying on top of something and when she sees it, she’s not even surprised anymore. It’s the dreamcatcher. 

But there’s something else, she notices when she pushes herself up. Next to her bed, there’s a huge plant. With bright, red apples. Honeycrisps.

Regina gave her an apple tree. And it feels like a peace offering.


	11. Chapter 11

Emma knows that Regina at least cares for her. Why else would she have given the apple tree? And it’s not just because apparently, Emma’s the only one who’s able to set Regina free. She smiles wryly as she realizes that she’s starting to accept that what Regina’s been telling her is true. 

_You never believed until you had no other choice than to do so._

That might be just so, the blonde snorts as she stares at the apple tree, but somehow, somewhere, she still needs this choice. She needs to be able to make it herself.

Emma sits on her bed and holds the dreamcatcher. Her eyes slide from the apple tree to the dreamcatcher and she admires the way the threads are woven around the circle, and gently touches the feathers. She knows that if she’s going to access the memories the dreamcatcher holds _in the real world_ , then there’s no denying the reality of her dreams as well. Visions. Or whatever they are, then. Then, she’s made a choice. 

Then, she has to believe. 

She breathes in deeply and closes her eyes for a moment. It also means that, if everything _is_ real, there’s no denying the connection she feels with Regina. Regina cares about her, that much is sure. Emma can see it, and she can feel it resonating inside her. And _if_ it is all true, then Regina’s heartfelt speech about a relationship Emma knows nothing about must be true as well. And it’s confusing. She’s been linked to Regina from the start. What she doesn't get is if the connection is true in this realm, why hasn’t it been this way in Storybrooke? She doesn’t know what she has to think of seeing someone that isn’t the brunette, really, and she definitely cannot imagine going to hell and back for someone… that’s not Regina. She snorts again. Because she pretty much went out of her way to get this far for the brunette. Hell would only be a small step further. She shakes her head.

In any case, she ends her musings, she’s been dealing with everything that has been thrown at her pretty okay-ish. And now, it’s time for another step. 

Time to see if the magic in her dreams is real.

She exhales slowly and she opens her eyes. She takes the dreamcatcher in both hands. Crossing her legs under her, she breathes in and out once more, before she focuses on the object in her hands. 

_Magic is instinct, Emma. Push your instincts. Master them._

She stares at the object in front of her intently, brow furrowed in the process. And then, slowly, a light appears and Emma sees. She realizes that she forgot to breathe the moment she gasps for air in surprise (there’s still a part of her that really thought it was all a dream, apparently). She watches the story of how Regina and she met. She sees Henry and he’s so _young_. She sees how Regina and Emma fight, the scene at the apple tree - this makes her smirk - and how they ended up hating each other - but somehow, it doesn’t feel like hate at all. She sees Henry in the hospital under a sleeping curse and how she breaks it herself.

She sees Regina, trying to be better but being tricked by her mother (Emma hates herself for not believing Regina and finds herself telling herself to trust her instincts) and how they both end up saving Storybrooke from Tamara and Greg. She witnesses how they all ended up in Neverland to save Henry - the jungle, see? She remembered! -, how a greasy pirate longs for attention and how they eventually return. 

She feels her heart break when Peter Pan casts another Dark Curse, and she has to leave everything and everyone behind - she still can’t wrap her head around how young her parents are, despite the explanation - before a year later, being found again by the same pirate and she returns to Storybrooke with Henry, who can’t remember a thing. Apparently, she’s the only one who believes Regina for not casting yet another curse (she always knows when Regina’s not telling the truth, or even if she’s hiding something) - and then Emma kisses _the pirate_ (why the hell would she ever do that?!) and Regina apparently has both a love interest (she hates this Robin at first sight) _and_ a sister -- 

Someone softly knocks on her door and Emma’s concentration is broken. The magic quickly fades and she stuffs the dreamcatcher under her blankets as the door quietly opens. 

Her mother comes in, and Emma tenses up immediately.

“Sweetheart, can I come in? Can we… talk, maybe?”

It sounds like a plea and Emma, whose mind tries to remember everything the dreamcatcher has shown her, compares her mom with the younger version she just witnessed. In terms of worry, there’s not a lot of difference and she feels her own surprise. Snow is still Snow, albeit being older. 

“Yes. Yes, we can.” Emma feels a strange calmth washing over her as she eyes her mother coming closer, silence heavy between them. Her mother sits down and visibly searches for words. 

Emma sighs, because so is she. But she hears a voice in her head that sounds an awful lot like Belle, actually, saying that she should make amends. 

“I’m sorry, mom,” Emma says. “I’m sorry about you and the Evil Queen, as well. Dad told me.”

Snow is hurting, Emma can tell, and this time she does feel a sliver of guilt as Snow deflates on her bed. There’s still a big distance between them, both physically as emotionally.

Mother and daughter eye each other with care and then, Emma scoops a little closer. The movement seems to relax Snow and the older woman sighs deeply. “Me too. So much happened since… then.” She sighs. “It sometimes feels like it’s been forever since the war ended. And at other times… it feels like yesterday.” She lowers her gaze. 

“It seemed like the fitting punishment at the time. She’s killed a lot of people, Emma. She was consumed by vengeance and she couldn’t let it go. I tried, I tried so many times to make her see another way. To reason with her. This punishment… I thought it was a fitting one. She’s sleeping for an eternity. Nothing but true love's kiss can wake her.”

Emma wrinkles her nose. “What if… what if there’s a way to wake her up? Would you take it?” she carefully says. Snow looks up and tilts her head to face her daughter again. Emma narrows her eyes a bit when she tries to read Snow’s face. 

It takes a while for Snow, who’s clearly searching for words, to speak up. “I still have nightmares from the sleeping curse, you know. Even after all these years. And I - I’ve been under just for a little while..” She breathes in heavily and it’s a little shaky. “The Evil Queen was at her worst when she voluntarily took the curse. After all this time reliving her memories… Not being to change their outcome… how can she be a better version of herself when she wakes up? I…” Emma sees how Snow’s eyes fill up with tears, but she is quiet when her mother continues. “If there was a way without her ravaging the kingdom, I would, but I- I don’t think it’s possible.”

Emma watches her carefully. “If she’d be the same, or better… would you?”  
  
“Yes,” Snow breathes, “Instantly. Nobody deserves a sleeping curse. I know that now. But honey, I’ve done some research on the matter. I even sought out Maleficent, who owned the curse before Regina and even she says nothing can be done.”

The blonde snorts. Trust a dragon to tell the truth, but she keeps quiet as Snow tentatively stretches out her hand towards her. “I’m sorry for not being up front with you about the Evil Queen,” Snow quietly says. “We should’ve handled things differently. Then, and definitely now. I hope it’s not too late for us. You know you can tell us everything, right?”  
  
Emma nods and for a moment, she feels like Old Emma again who wants to crawl into her mother's arms. She doesn’t, however, she does stretch her hand and grasps Snow’s. “I know,” she quietly says, “I really do. I just have to figure out how.”

“But-” Snow starts, but she stops immediately as she sees Emma’s warning glare. 

“Soon,” Emma says. “There’s things I need to think about first.”

Snow leaves soon after, and Emma feels how the frustration towards her parents has almost dissipated. Maybe she needed this talk at the right moment. 

And there’s another talk she needs to have. She pushes herself from the bed and searches for clothes to wear. She needs to talk to Henry.

~*~

She finds him with Mulan and David, who is showing him some very complicated feet movements while dodging Mulan's sword. She hears Henry's laugh and she smiles. He should be laughing more often like this. Carefree. But he probably won't after what she's about to tell him. 

She approaches them and Mulan nods at her. Wen Mulan is distracted, Henry turns around. Upon seeing his mother he smiles, but she sees a guarded look on his face. 

She hates that he looks at her like that. And she wants to fix it. Hopefully, he really does have the heart of the truest believer in this realm, too.

“Hey, kid, can I borrow you for a little while?” she asks and instantly, his features change. He beams at her and there’s some relief in his eyes, as well. She feels a bit guilty, because she knows she’s been keeping him at arms length during these past days and he’s not used to it. It has never been her intention to leave him be, even though he’s a knight of the realm now and can take care of himself.

They say goodbye to David and Mulan and stroll off to the courtyard, where they find a quiet place near the fountain. The fountain has always been their spot. This is where they came to talk. And now, they’re coming here again.

When they settle in, Henry asks, “What is it, ma?” he sounds eager and worried at the same time, and Emma searches for words. It’s not easy to find a starting point for all of it, and she looks apologetically. “First of all, I have to say I’m sorry. Sorry for pushing you away. I just… I had to deal with some things on my own.”

Henry slowly nods, a mature look in his eyes. “It’s okay, ma.” He semi-patiently waits for her to continue – she sees how his foot is tapping the floor – and she sighs deeply.

“So – kid – what I’m about to tell you is going to sound really, _really_ weird, but I need you to keep an open mind, all right?”

Henry nods again, and now his impatience is showing clearly. “Tell me already, ma,” he huffs and she smiles. That’s the Henry she’s always known.

And she tells him. She tells about her dreams, about figuring out who Regina was, about how she, Mulan and Red went to the Queen’s castle (“don’t get mad at them, because I told them not to tell anyone,” she says when his brow furrows) and Rumplestiltskin. She tells him about the coffin inside the castle – not sharing its exact location, however – and who’s in there, but that it’s not the same Evil Queen as they know from stories. That she’s from a different realm. And that she – his _ma –_ can do magic.

And she sees how she’s losing Henry quickly when his forehead wrinkles even more (it really is like looking into a mirror) and she can’t let that happen. She reaches inside her mantle, quickly grabs the dreamcatcher and pulls it out. “I’m not lying. Watch this.”

They both do. She feels how Henry tenses up, seeing a different and younger version of himself doing things he cannot remember. She didn’t think he could frown even deeper but apparently he can, and with her free hand she reaches for his. He grabs it, as if it’s a lifeline and he desperately needs air and otherwise he’ll drown.

It’s so much to wrap his head around and Emma knows how she feels. He is seeing all of this in a short period of time and she, at least, had more time to get used to it al. She watches him carefully as the dreamcatcher spins the tale she’s already witnessed and focuses on the object when the history tells the tale of Regina’s sister, going back through time, saving Robin’s wife (best thing she ever did), Regina’s heart breaking (and she feels this guilt wash over her because of it) and then the two of them drifting apart and growing closer when they team up with first Elsa and then Anna to battle the Snow Queen. And Emma and the pirate date and she really wants to forget about ever seeing that because _that’s_ something she can’t wrap her head around.

After showing them how the Snow Queen eventually absorbs her own curse, the dreamcatcher fades. Emma believes there’s more to the story and feels a little annoyed, because apparently, Regina cut the history short. There has to be more. She tries to will the dreamcatcher to show more but it doesn’t light up.

When Henry stirs next to her, she focuses her attention to him. He looks so confused and Emma knows that it’s so much to take in. She's been there, and she understands. “Talk to me,” she says quietly while reaching for his hand but instead of taking it, he jumps up.

“So you’re saying that nothing we know is real? And that… That this is?” He gestures towards the dreamcatcher. “So I’m not real? And my family and friends, they aren’t either?” 

Emma stands up, too. “Well, they are all in Storybrooke, too,” she adds, but she knows it’s a sorry excuse. Her heart hurts for him.

“The Evil Queen is my _mom_?! And you gave me away when I was born?” 

“Apparently, yes. I am sorry for that.”   
  
“Why?” Henry cries out, “Because _clearly_ it hasn’t happened because we are _both_ here!” 

His mother sighs. “I know it’s a lot to take in, kid.” 

“And you have _magic?!”_

Emma nods tentatively. “Yes, apparently. I’ve never known, I just found out myself. And you’re the only one who knows so I’d prefer if you would keep it between the two of us for now. You know how your grandparents aren’t really fond of magic.” 

“And you-- a _pirate_ is courting you?” His eyes grow wide. Emma doesn’t even have a response to that. Henry starts to pace up and down quickly. Emma wants to take his hand, but he jolts away from her. “Don’t,” he barks. “You’ve been manipulated by… by - _her_. None of it is real. It can’t be.” 

“Henry-” 

“ _No._ I don't believe in the heart of the truest believer because I can’t believe that the Evil Queen is my mom in _any_ realm. It’s _not_ real, ma. And if you believe it is, you’re… you’re insane as well.”   
  
“But kid --”   
  
“NO,” he barks and she takes a step back. She’s never seen him, not as distressed as this.

“Think about it,” she quietly says, “Talk with Red, Mulan or Belle if you want to know more.” She reaches for his hand once more, but Henry growls and slaps it away.

“Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you now.” Henry snarls and Emma gasps for air. She remembers how she talked to her own parents like that only days before, and bittersweet she realizes how Snow and David must’ve felt when she turned away from them. It hurts, but she knows he needs time. If he really has the heart of the truest believer, he should come around. She sits down again and folds her hands in her lap, but the expression on her face is determined.

Whether he wants to or not, they are going to talk again soon. When it comes to her kid, she’s as stubborn as Snow. Like mother, like daughter, apparently.


	12. Chapter 12

_ This isn’t Storybrooke. This place is loud and noisy. She’s on a rooftop and she’s looking down from a large building, watching how the cars move like little bugs far below her. She smiles before she gets up again. She’s right outside a rooftop garden-like spot. It looks funny, on top of this building, this small patch that is similar to a garden. There is a round table and several chairs. The patch is closed off with wooden fences and is lit by a string of lights surrounding the place. It looks… cosy, almost. _

_ She hears the door open and turns around. Regina steps through it and seems distressed. She hasn’t spotted Emma yet and even though Emma  _ wants _ to leap forward and make the introduction, she also wants to see what’s going to happen.  _

_ But nothing does. Regina just walks to the edge of the building and looks down, opposite from the place Emma just stood. And then, she hardly moves anymore, as she stares down to the traffic below, shoulders slumped. _

_ “I know you’re there,” she then speaks and Emma feels busted. She shrugs and enters the decorated patch of the rooftop, but keeps some space between them. _

_ “I haven’t been here before,” Emma says, “So we must be in one of your dreams. Where are we?”  _

_ “New York, and you were,” Regina replies shortly and tensed, and pauses for a brief moment. When she continues, she sounds tired. “A big city where you used to live.” Emma remembers New York from the dreamcatcher, but this looks nothing like that. _

_ “What did you regret here?” Emma asks. _

_ She sees how Regina’s shoulders slump and it takes a while before she answers. Emma closes the distance between them and lays a supporting hand on Regina’s arm. The way the brunette tenses doesn’t go unnoticed and Emma frowns, but Regina doesn’t pull away. _

_ “I… I split myself from the Evil Queen here, on this very rooftop,” Regina quietly says with a light shake of her head. “I thought… I thought, that I had to choose. I’d come so far from my Evil days but when Robin died, it became apparent that I’m still so close to falling back into my old ways.”  _

_ She smiles without joy, not looking at Emma. “I believed there were two options. Keeping the Evil Queen at bay inside me, which would mean a life of pain and suffering because no matter what I did to make amends, it didn’t matter. I believe I called it Karma.” A heavy sigh fills the air before she continues. “If I wasn’t able to keep her at bay -- Well. It wasn’t an option. And in the end, that’s exactly what happened.”  _

_ Now, she briefly looks up at Emma. Brown eyes meet greens and Emma sees the regret in her eyes. Then, she turns her eyes forward again and Emma knows that Regina’s the only one who can see these visions playing out in front of her eyes. “We had a potion,” Regina continues, “Which magically  _ split _ the Evil Queen from me. Evil versus good. And I killed the Evil Queen. Except I didn’t, because apparently, Evil cannot be killed.”  _

_ She laughs bitterly and Emma squeezes her hand. The brunette absentmindedly covers the hand with one of her own. “I regret all of it. I never should’ve let the Evil Queen out. I just… I just should’ve accepted the pain and suffering that I deserve. I’d reached the point in my life in which I viewed my evil counterpart and myself as two different people - but we aren’t. We’re exactly the same. And I should’ve realized that.”  _

_ Silence falls between them as Emma searches for words to reply. “I’m sorry,” she finally says, quietly.  _

_ Regina turns, which forces Emma to let go of her, and sits at one of the chairs near the round table.  _

_ Emma follows. “I told Henry. He didn’t believe me,” she says, changing the subject as she sits down across from her.  _

_ Regina smiles. “He will come around. He always does.”  _

_ “And then? What happens then?”  _

_ “Then we find a way to go home.” The tired sound of her voice is back and Emma’s heart goes out to Regina. She wants to make it all better. Take care of her in a way that, apparently, nobody has done before. But she doesn’t know how. She doesn’t know how to fix it all.  _

_ “Your dreamcatcher,” she tentatively says next, “It didn’t tell the entire story. You ended it at a certain point but I haven’t seen anything that’s led up to this. What happened? To… to Robin?”  _

_ She sees a flash in Regina’s eyes that she hasn’t seen before when the brunette tilts her head and she feels how brown eyes are piercing into hers. “He died,” she simply answers. Emma hears the devastation in her voice. “He gave his life to save mine. It’s why I came to this point in my life at the first place. His death was the reason I wanted the Evil Queen gone from me, but it gave me more pain and suffering instead.”  _

_ “I’m sorry,” she says and she means it, especially when she sees the pain and suffering Regina speaks of in the brunette’s eyes. She doesn’t want to see Regina in pain and she clearly is. “But you know, maybe in the future you can find someone again.” She feels the urge to reach out to her but instead, folds her hands in her lap. Regina doesn’t say anything, simply looks at her with a now cautious look on her face and Emma is the first one to avert her eyes. She stares at her hands instead. _

_ “Ever since my birthday, I’ve had a hole in my heart,” Emma then confesses, not daring to look at Regina. “It was like… something cut a piece of it without me knowing. I felt empty. Part of me was missing. I don’t know why I started to feel it at that particular point in my life, I just know… that it hurt like crazy and it made me feel indescribably sad.” She smiled apologetically. “I didn’t even feel this bad when Neal - Henry’s father - died.”  _

_ She forces herself to look at Regina. “And I- I don’t… Only when I’m asleep, I don’t feel that emptiness as much. When I’m with you. I don’t know what that means, exactly, but-”  _

_ Regina launches herself from her chair and creates a safe distance between them.  _

_ “Stop it, Emma. Please -- stop.” Regina sounds angry and it surprises Emma, but Regina’s anger fuels her own frustration.  _

_ "I won’t.," Emma stubbornly says, "Because I know you feel it too we need to talk about it.”  _

_ “The only thing you need to do is to find a way to wake me,” Regina snaps and crosses her arms tightly, clenching her fists at the same time. “You-  _ We _ cannot talk about any of this before you have your memory back. You’re in a relationship you can’t remember and I can’t be-”  _

_ “Then tell me,” Emma fires back, hurt. “You seem to know everything and I know nothing and I see dreams and dreamcatchers and I don’t even know anymore what’s wrong or right but-”  _

_ “You have a boyfriend, Emma,” Regina snarls back with gritted teeth. “He hardly deserves you and I could care less about him but he is important to you. You’ve been together for a long time. You even went to hell and back for him and I… I can’t stand in the way of your happiness.” _

_ “The  _ pirate _? I don’t care about him. I don’t even know who he is,” Emma replies with a desperate gesture of her hands (and something’s tugging at her brain and she ignores it because really, she doesn’t want to remember this at all), “All I know is that you make me feel complete, not some boyfriend that doesn’t even exist in my current life.” She’s willing to fight for them and feels the tension building up in her shoulders. “You say you’re destined to a life of pain and suffering, but you’re not. Let me prove it to you.”  _

_ Regina scowls. “Emma… you don’t remember, but once, you absorbed the darkness for me - You became the Dark One so that I didn’t have to,” she says, clenching and unclenching her fists now. “You told me that… that I worked too hard to have my happiness destroyed. And now, the roles are reversed. I can’t -- Even if I would like to… I can’t take your happy ending away from you. Because you’ve worked so hard for it as well. You’ve come so far, like I have. And now, were I to give in… It would be selfish and… not right.”  _

_ When she turns away, Emma catches a glimmer in Regina’s eyes. Unshed tears. It makes her feel even more angry and confused. _

_ “How do you know that he’s my happy ending and not you?” she dares to ask. Regina doesn’t turn around but her tightening shoulders annoy her all the more.  _

_ “I’m the Evil Queen, dear,” Regina says bitterly, waving her hand in an impatient gesture, “And us villains… we don’t get happy endings.”  _

_ There's a silence and it frustrates Emma. "You  _ just _ told me yourself that you're not evil anymore. That you’ve split yourself from your evil half." She takes a step forward but is surprised when Regina's eyes harden and the brunette takes a step backwards.  _

_ "Maybe in some ways I still am. What I do know for sure is that if you had all your memories, you wouldn't throw yourself at me as you're doing now."  _

_ Regina’s words sting. “I’m not throwing myself at you," Emma sputters, frustrated with the notion no matter how hard she tries, she cannot win from the antagonizing woman in front of her. “I’m trying to explain what I feel and what I… well, what is a possible future. For you. For us.” _

_ Regina laughs but there's no joy in her voice. Emma gets riled up even more. “This isn’t just a dream!” she says, angry. _

_ Regina’s fiery brown eyes meet hers and Emma has instant goosebumps over her entire body. Next to the ire, there’s an intense sadness in Regina’s gaze and its intensity makes Emma gasp for breath. _

_ “To me it never was.” Regina’s shoulders drop with these quiet words and her reply seems to mean more than just an answer to Emma’s snappy remark, but the blonde doesn’t understand why. Regina sinks into the nearest chair and sighs deeply. She sounds exhausted when she says: “You should wake up now, Emma.”  _

And Emma does, because there’s nothing that will change Regina’s mind.

~*~

She’s in a vile mood. She has ever since she woke up from her last dream-vision-whatever-meeting with Regina. The woman is so antagonizing! “Ugh,” she says as she goes over the conversation in her mind again. So, Regina is apparently set on this idea that she doesn’t deserve love because she was the Evil Queen. 

And Emma’s going to call that bullshit. Because even if Regina would never choose to give Emma a chance (and she is not going to give up to get one any time soon), then, no matter how much it hurts, there’s someone else destined to be with the woman. 

Emma vows in silence that she is going to make sure Regina is getting her happy ending. Even if it’s the last thing she does. No matter how much it’ll hurt when Regina’s true love is not Emma.

She needs to be someone who knows about what’s going on and decides to visit Belle. Maybe she’s had some progress with researching the sleeping curse. Once she’s entered the library, she doesn’t see Belle right away. She doesn’t mind waiting - Belle’s never far away from the library anyway - and walks around if someone’s here. She’s almost completed her round when she hears a soft giggle. Emma frowns. That’s new. Nobody ever seems to visit the library. She makes her way through the shelves of books and turns a corner, and stops in her tracks. 

Oh.  _ Oh _ !

She sees Mulan and Belle jumping away from each other. Belle hits a bookcase which is sturdy enough not to fall, but she loses her balance. Mulan closes the distance within the blink of an eye and grabs Belle, saving her from an ungracious and potentially hurtful fall by pulling her against her chest - again - and Belle’s face is beet red and she’s flustered and Emma can’t help but smirk at the helpless look in Mulan’s eyes.

“Hi guys,” Emma says, and Belle untangles herself from Mulan, not knowing where to look. Mulan just holds Emma’s gaze until she smirks back. Emma rolls her eyes. This was long overdue anyway. “So, does this still count as courting?” she smirks. 

Belle looks up and she seems a bit insecure. “You… you knew?” Emma shrugs. Mulan told her during their lessons, so yes, she did. 

“Of course we did,” they hear a voice behind them. “And personally, I could smell what was going on from miles away. You reek of each other.” Emma takes a step sideways as Red joins them with yet another smirk and it’s just too cute how Belle’s hands frame her own cheeks in an attempt to cool her face, before Mulan grabs her hand and confidently stands besides her, with a raised chin and a challenging look in her eyes.. 

Emma is happy for them and at the same time something stings inside her chest. As if someone’s poking with a sharp stick. She is jealous, she realizes, jealous of their happiness. She wants that, too. But she snaps out of it when Red tilts her head and watches her intently. Defiantly, she lifts her chin.

“So, Princess, did you get into trouble since the last time we spoke?” Emma glares at Red, who just raises an eyebrow at her. Emma notices how especially Belle’s relaxing because of the change in subject and Emma accepts it as well. 

“I’ve behaved. But I’ve told Henry.” She smiles when she sees three surprised faces. “I’ve had another one of those dreams,” she explains, “And we figured… if Henry loves her in her own realm, we might be able to make him love her in this one, as well. And I showed him…” She breathes deeply in and out, “With magic.” 

Now, three women are frowning at her and Emma bites her lip, unsure of what her friends will think of it. “Apparently, I have magic?” she says, making it sound like a question. She didn’t bring the dreamcatcher and the women probably wouldn’t be able to see it anyway as Regina said it was just for her and Henry to see, so she turns to the bookcase next to Belle. She focuses on one book in particular and wills it to come out, eyes narrowed and a frown etched in her forehead. 

Slowly, but steadily, the book comes out and she hears a collective gasp when the book falls down and hits the floor. Emma feels some pride at managing to do something else than reading a dreamcatcher and smiles tentatively. “Amazing, right? Never knew I could do that.” They gape at her and Emma wraps her arms around her to protect herself from possible disapproval. 

“Nice, Princess,” Red says with a smile appearing on her face. “Will you look at that. I didn’t see that coming.”

Belle blinks and reaches for the book. “It’s certainly interesting, but I am not entirely surprised I guess. Your parents share the strongest magic of all, so their child having magic, it’s almost logical.”

Mulan simply shrugs. “It might come in handy,” she nods. Emma is all kinds of relieved and she exhales deeply. Red reaches for her hand and Emma looks at her best friend in appreciation before she continues.

“But anyway, Henry panicked and bolted. I guess he needs time to process. I told him to go talk to you because you know about everything.” 

Red nods. “I’ll go find him. Anything else?” 

Well, plenty of feelings, but Emma’s not going to spill. Instead, she shakes her head and asks Belle: “Any luck with researching the sleeping curse?” 

With regret written all over her face, Belle shakes her head. “I’ve only come across a mention that the sleeping curse can be mixed with seawater and toadstool as a way to lift your spirits. Nothing that indicates that it can be broken with something else than true love’s kiss. I’m sorry, but I’ll keep looking.” 

Red and Emma nod, and Mulan wraps an arm around Belle’s shoulder. “I’m on dungeon watch tonight,” she quietly says. “If you want to, you can visit… you know.” 

Emma knows, and nods. She’s thankful for her friends and knows she couldn’t have done it without them. “I will find you tonight,” she tells Mulan, before looking at every one of them intently, not knowing what to say. In the end, she just nods, and the gesture is returned by all three. 

Emma and Red leave the other two behind and just before they exit the library, Emma asks Red to come along in the evening. “I can’t move the glass chest by myself,” she explains when Red raises an eyebrow. “And I just.. I want…” She doesn’t know what she wants exactly, but the she-wolf nods. “I know.” She smirks. “I can smell you too, you know.” 

Emma rolls her eyes. “Stop it, I don’t even want to know,” she huffs, and Red laughs. “I’ll find you tonight,” she says, “but first, I’ve got to find Henry.” 


	13. Chapter 13

The torches are lit. Emma is grateful for Mulan’s thoughtfulness. Just moments ago she’s greeted Mulan and entered the dungeon, waiting for Red to join her. They thought it to be unwise to arrive together, so they decided that Emma would go first and Red would sneak in moments later. 

When Red enters a few moments later, she flashes Emma a toothy smile, red cape waving in the wind behind her. “Go,” she says and Emma does exactly that. Her heart pounds in her throat again and she feels the blood rushing through her head and it’s almost deafening. She’s anxious and excited at the same time. Maybe nothing comes of tonight, but she wants to make sure that at least anything is as it was before. She doesn’t know what she’s going to do if they’ve moved Regina to somewhere else.

They rush down the spiral stairs, fly by the empty cells until they’re stopped by the wall that isn’t a wall at allr. Emma places her hand on the wall and has to search a bit. She looks at Red the moment she finds the lever and smiles as she pushes it. And she feels a jolt of excitement when the wall starts to slide. 

But at the moment she’s eager to enter, Red lifts her nose, inhales and grabs her upper arm. “Someone’s here,” she hisses. Emma freezes on the spot. How? Why? But Mulan’s standing guard, there can’t possibly someone -   
  
“You can come out now, Henry,” the she-wolf barks. Relief washes over Emma. Surely he’s the only one that Mulan would allow to get in. Red sought him out earlier and answered questions, she knows, but he was still not quite ready to give him. Actually, she’d hoped that Henry would have looked for her after, but he hasn’t. Until now. 

Tentatively, Henry appears from the shadows. He eyes them warily and is obviously trying to figure out how much trouble he’s in, but Red shoots him a small smile.    
  
“Why are you here?” Emma asks and she sees how his shoulders tense. 

“I followed you,” he says in all honesty, “And I saw Red coming after you so I figured out what you were going to do. And I- I…” He swallows thickly. “I just…”    
  
“Wanted to know if it’s true?” Emma softly adds. Her son nods and her heart goes out to him. She raises her hand while motioning him to come closer, reaches for his hand when he’s near and he grabs it firmly. Henry looks at her face to see if they’re good, and she gives him a reassuring nod. One that she maybe needs herself as well.

She takes a torch in her free hand and steps into the hidden room and she reaches to one of the torches on the side. She lights it with the one she holds, creating more light in the process. Red takes over and lights the others in the round cave, as Emma and Henry stare at the glass coffin.

“Is she really in there? The Evil Queen?” Henry whispers impressed. Emma nods, squeezing his hand. Despite her own inner urges to rush towards the coffin and raise the damn lid, she suppresses her instincts and waits for her son to make the first move. She looks at him, carefully, and sees how emotions cloud his face. At this moment he’s not the youngest knight of the kingdom. At this moment, he’s just a boy, scared of what’s going to happen.

“So… in this other realm… she’s actually my  _ mom.  _ And.. And I  _ love _ her. She  _ raised _ me. And…” He quiets down. Takes a few moments of silent deliberation. Then, he straightens his shoulders and with a deep breath, he moves forward just as Red finishes lighting the final torch. The shadows that the fire creates dance over the uneven sandy floor as they approach the glass coffin together.

Emma looks intently. Nothing’s changed since the final time. The Evil Queen still rests. Hands crossed over her belly. Almost as if she’s really dead, she thinks and a shiver runs down her spine. It doesn’t go unnoticed and Henry looks up with a frown on his face.

“She doesn’t look evil to me,” he says. Emma smirks, despite everything. She doesn’t, indeed. 

“Maybe she was, once,” she tells him, “Both in this realm and hers. But from what I’ve seen… from what  _ we’ve _ seen, she’s tried to be a better person. Everyone deserves a second chance,” she muses, “And maybe she needs one, most of all.” 

Henry remains silent for a moment as they both stare at the woman in the chest. Hair cut above her shoulders. Wearing this dark suit with golden buttons. She does look like a prince, Emma thinks. The sleeping beauty breathes shallowly, you can hardly see her chest rising and falling. It almost looks… peaceful. She’s never seen Regina so relaxed, come to think of it. 

Henry looks up and his eyes meet hers, insecure. “So… What if I believe you, then what?” 

Emma shrugs. “I don’t know, kid. We’ll just… go with the flow, I guess. That’s what I’ve been doing since it all started, and it’s gotten me this far.” She smiles apologetically at Red, who smirks back and suggests: “Maybe we should get this glass lid off and give her some air?” 

With combined efforts, they lift the heavy coffin away from the sleeping woman. Both Henry and Emma sit next to her. One on each side. Henry studies the brunette’s sleeping face while reaching for her hand, and Emma looks at her, as well. She’s never seen Regina so relaxed. Almost automatically, she lifts her hand to stroke the sleeping woman’s cheek and realizes that now, she finally can. She is surprised that the  _ real _ touch isn’t so different from the one she felt in her dream and it makes her wonder how much of it  _ was _ a dream in the first place. 

Henry looks up to meet her gaze, visibly gathers up his courage and breathes: “Well… here goes nothing.” 

He slowly bends forward and presses his lips on Regina’s cheek. Both Emma and Red hold their breaths and --

Nothing happens. 

With a frown, Henry rises again, letting go of Regina’s hand. “It didn’t work,” he says, disappointment lining his voice. 

Emma’s head jolts up as panic and disappointment start to coil in her belly. “Maybe you should try again,” she urgently tells him. “Maybe another try --” He does as she asks, this time kissing her forehead, but with the same result.

Nothing.

“ _ Fuck _ !” Emma then cries out, and both Red and Henry look startled. “We were  _ so _ sure that this was going to work!” She is angry, infuriated with the situation and pissed off at herself because she was so convinced that this would break the curse but now it doesn’t, she is at a complete loss. She jumps up, and starts to frantically walk up and down, willing the tears she feels stinging behind her eyes back. She’s not going to cry out of anger and frustration, she promises herself when she feels her nose itch as well. 

“Now what?” Henry asks. 

That’s a good question. “I don’t know,” Emma barks. Red raises her eyebrow in a mild disapproving way. But Emma doesn’t care. She has failed.

She was sure she could do this, but she’s failed. 

She breathes out the frustration and sinks through her knees next to the platform where Regina sleeps, taking her hand. “I’m sorry, Regina” she murmurs. “I tried, I really did.” She sighs and bows her head, allowing disappointment and an empty feeling of failure to rage through her body.

Emma sits like that for a little while. Red and Henry silently stand watch, giving her the space she needs to recuperate. Regina’s light, almost invisible breaths mix with her own as Emma eventually tries to pull herself together again. At this point, she’s not entirely sure she can even get up. But she knows she must. She cannot stop, because she has to find another way. She cannot give up. Emma grits her teeth.

“I promise we’ll figure out something else,” she tells the sleeping woman, inhaling deeply, gathering the strength to get up. She has to. She vowed that she would get Regina her happy ending and she cannot walk away from it because of one (major) setback. Maybe she’d put too much hope in their first try and it’s clouded her common sense. Maybe she’s rushed Henry too much. Maybe they need more time for Henry to get to know Regina better and they have to find a way to do just that. It might work then, right?

“Emma, we need to go now,” Red gently says.

The blonde looks up and she doesn’t even know how much time has passed, but they’ve spent more time down here than she thought they would. Her plan hadn’t gone further than waking Regina up and move away from this place. She nods towards her friend. “We have to put the glass lid back,” she sighs, unwilling to leave the sleeping queen. One last time she strokes Regina’s hair and she smiles. “I’ll see you soon,” she says, and she lifts Regina’s hand to press her lips against the brunette’s palm.

But when she does, her stomach jolts as bright light flashes from their bodies, culminating into a rainbow that moves away from her at light’s speed and she gasps, stumbles backwards, trips over her own feet and lands on her behind.    


Several things happen at the same time. 

Regina’s eyes flutter open and she breathes in deeply, before her eyes dart around. They stop moving when they find Henry.

Emma feels like she’s punched in the stomach and can’t breathe and she crawls backwards, away from the glass coffin, when another life is forced brutally into her mind.

“H-Henry?” Regina breathes. “It worked.” She sounds a little bit surprised.

Memories wash over Emma, relentlessly fighting for a place inside her head. Memories of a life that has been nagging in the back of her head but they’re manifesting firmly in her mind now. She’s experienced this before, when Hook found them in New York. She remembers.

“I- I- I.. It wasn’t  _ me _ ,” Henry stammers, and before Regina can even frown, he points into his ma’s direction. “It was  _ her.”  _

She remembers  _ everything.  _

“Who?” Regina asks, and Henry points at his mother. Two sets of brown eyes are now looking straight at her.

She remembers being the saviour. She remembers Killian. Going to hell, finding him. She remembers visions of her destiny. Of her  _ dying  _ at the hands of a cloaked figure. A sword stabbed through her guts. Her right hand start to shake forcefully.

Panic washes over her when Regina slowly pushes herself up and glances into the blonde’s direction, her own eyes mirroring the shock. 

And her memories collide when Emma grabs her shaking hand with the other one, trying to suppress the tremors. Like she’s done so many times before, in what feels to be is another life. 

Only it's not.

“Emma,” Regina all but breathes and when their eyes lock, Emma’s eyes grow even wider into a haunted expression and how the hell is this even possible when there’s Killian and Robin and soulmates and meant-to-be and destiny, death and destruction and she stares into these very dark and soulful eyes and she  _ knows _ what Regina was talking about all along and she cannot reconcile her Princess feelings with her Saviour feelings so Emma does the  _ only _ thing she knows how to do very well --

She jumps up and bolts.

~*~

“Emma!” three voices cry out for the blonde, but she’s gone. She can’t stop running, she needs to be away because it’s all  _ too much _ , as if more than one life is inside her mind and even though she knows which one is real, there’s still so much of the old and now the two of them are mixing together. Somewhere, she acknowledges that since her birthday, she’s started to become her old self again and that she wasn’t completely gone since the wish was granted, which makes this whole mess even worse. Her mind doesn’t want to stop thinking and automatically starts analyzing and - 

She’s such an idiot. 

Her cheeks, already red with anticipation, flush even more when she remembers the last two dreams in which she basically threw herself at Regina - the brunette had been right about that all along - and Regina had been  _ so _ right for keeping her at arm's length. 

Emma knows that her real, Storybrooke self would never have opened up like that. Not just because it’s  _ Regina  _ and they share an enormously complicated history. There’s also fear of rejection, sprung from her past as an orphan, which would always keep her from revealing too much of herself because somewhere, deep inside, she was scared to. 

Princess Emma, however, never had the experience of being tossed away. And apparently, was adamant on sharing her feelings. And now, Saviour Emma feels deeply embarrassed about her Princess counterpart.

Her eyes water and she wills herself to believe it’s from the chilly wind. 

She runs and runs out of the dungeons, past a surprised Mulan who shouts something after her, out of the courtyard and into the woods. She needs to get away from her, from them, from  _ everything _ . Her lungs burn from exhaustion but her heart hurts even more as she arrives at the lake.    


She slows down and walks to the water. As she kneels down to splash some water in her face, she sees her reflection. It’s the same as it ever was and yet, she feels so different that it’s insane. Angry, Emma balls her fists, screams in frustration and smashes the water’s surface. She can’t even look at her own reflection. 

Rubbing the cold water on her cheeks, she exhales and stumbles back, until her back hits a tree and she slumps against it. The adrenaline has apparently worn off, she thinks absentmindedly, because she’s exhausted. She pulls up her knees and wraps her arms around them, in a gesture of self-protection. She snorts. Protection against what, exactly? Her world is upside down and cracking. Her worlds, plural.

She mulls over everything that’s happened the last two weeks. She remembers the Evil Queen granting her a wish and ending up here. With a fucking hole in her heart. What the hell was all that about? Did she project her feelings for Killian onto Regina? Maybe, because he wasn’t there she felt the emptiness and Regina was the only person who could remotely replace him?

But even when she’s thinking about it, she has to acknowledge that it’s an insane thought. This has never been about Killian. Otherwise, true love’s fucking kiss wouldn’t have worked. But whose true love? Princess Emma’s? Or Saviour Emma’s? Are they the same? Is their love the same? Or are they two different entities? Does this mean that Saviour Emma had feelings for Regina that she’d never known she had? What  _ does _ she feel for Regina?

And what the fuck does it all matter if she’s going to  _ die _ soon, anyway?

She doesn’t know. 

Her head hurts.

She sits there for what it feels like an eternity, caught in her own thoughts. The moon casts a spooky light over the lake and creates shadows that could haunt little children for years, but Emma has her own ghosts to battle.

After a while, she hears some leaves rustling. Then, they stop. And she feels who’s there.

“I know about Hook,” Emma speaks against the dark. The footsteps moving through the leaves come closer. 

“I also know about Robin,” Emma continues softly without waiting for a reply. “And I’m sorry.” 

The footsteps stop, fairly close next to her. She hears a few sounds, indicating that her visitor sits down, a little distance away. Emma, still sitting against the tree with her knees pulled up, rests her cheek on her knees. “I need to apologize.” The self loathing in her voice is adamant.

“No- no, don’t.” The soft, husky voice still give her goosebumps and she hates herself for it. She tightens her grip around her legs, studying the silhouette a little further away. 

“Yes. Yes, I do. I- I…” The words she wants to say, they don’t come out of her mouth. She sighs and closes her mouth, and her chest hurts,  _ hurts  _ so much. “I’m an idiot,” she finally whispers.

“That, miss Swan, we can both agree on.” Regina sounds almost amused. “But an apology is not necessary. You… you achieved what we set out to do, didn’t you? Even though it wasn’t in a way we both… expected.” She pauses and Emma hears how Regina takes a deep breath before she continues. “Emma, we need to talk about this.” 

The blonde squeezes her eyes shut.  _ Now _ she wants to talk. She almost snorts. “I… I don’t know what to say.” 

She hears movement and when Regina speaks, she is closer. “I’ll start,” she quietly says. “You see… When you told me I was under a sleeping curse, my dreams started to make sense. Because you relive the moments you regret the most and you can’t change them. I’ve had them so many times that I can’t even count them.” 

Emma opens her eyes again. The light of the moon barely reaches their spot but she can make out the different features of Regina’s face as she talks. “I’ve relived the moments where we met, where I…. set you up. Multiple times, actually. It felt like forever. And I wondered, if things would’ve gone differently, if… if we... ” Now, it’s Regina’s voice that dies out in the night. 

“I know,” Emma murmurs and suddenly, she needs to feel Regina and stretches out a hand. Regina grabs it and the contact makes them both sigh. 

“Maybe it’s always been there,” Regina says, barely audible. Emma is still highly confused and guilt washes over her because of Killian. “I can’t,” she murmurs and it’s bittersweet because it’s always been Regina putting a lid on things, and now she must do it herself.

The irony is not wasted on Regina, who’s said the same in a couple of dreams, trying to fence off Princess Emma’s advances, and she arches an eyebrow. “I know.” 

“And it might not matter anymore because I’m still destined to die anyway.”

“Not if I can help it,” Regina barks, and Emma is surprised by her tone of voice. It’s emotional, fierce and… protective, she realises by surprise.

Silence falls between them as they are both sunk into their own thoughts, until Emma speaks up. “So… How do we go home?”

~*~ 

It’s a good question, indeed. When they calm down and painfully ignore the rainbow kiss, they make their way back to the castle, and albeit their brief need of holding hands, they now walk with a little distance between them. They make sure they don’t touch. Apparently, after the lake, they both want to keep their distance to the other. However, Emma’s sure that at some point, Regina’s hand is almost touching the small of her back. It’s so natural, she’s done it so many times before, but now there’s an awareness that wasn’t there prior.

“Storybrooke felt like a dream,” Emma says. “I- I mean a good dream. But the person I was here… It just wasn't me.” Emma looks up to Regina, a little insecure and smiles apologetically. 

“The fighting -- the pain is… it's what makes me  _ me _ . And I'm good with that. Even if it means my end.” She flashes Regina a lame smirk. “And you know, that other person kind of sucked.”

Regina offers a smile. “Well, apart from the singing… I've seen some good qualities of her,” she speaks and she sees a pointed look at Emma’s face. 

“I didn’t sing.” 

“Oh, my dear, but you did,” Regina smirks and Emma shakes her head in embarrassment, feeling her cheeks flush. 

“I can’t  _ believe  _ I did that,” she whines and Regina laughs. When the silence falls over them again, Emma continues. “I can’t believe none of this is real,” she says. “First, I thought that when I broke the curse, we all would remember Storybrooke. That maybe we all were under a spell. But we’re not, it’s just us.” She feels a bit sad about it. “Red, Belle, Mulan… they’re my friends. How can it not be real? They did so much for me these last days. And  _ Henry _ -” 

“They are real now, Emma,” Regina interrupts. “The Queen’s wish created this Wish Realm. Everyone in it is very much real now, even though they didn’t exist before.”

“How come Red is still the same age she is in our realm, but my parents aren’t?” Emma asks.

Regina shrugs. “The wish probably filled in some gaps that the Evil Queen did not think about. It probably works somewhat the same as the Dark Curse. You can create all that you want, but you’re always bound to forget things. And the curse will fix it for you.” 

“It’s going to be hard leaving them behind, though,” Emma says. “But Mulan and Belle -- they’re happy here. Red is, too, I guess.” She makes a gesture with her hand as they enter the courtyard. “And I… I have Henry. My real parents.” A little insecure, she looks up and her mouth twitches into a small smile. “You,” she murmurs and Regina returns the smile before turning away, but not before Emma sees pain flashing in her eyes. And she understands when Regina doesn’t pursue the subject because Emma knows that Regina will never believe that she’s worthy. Emma knows, because her saviour has always felt the exact same way.   
  
But Emma knows she is. Only, at this point, there’s not much she can do. They have to get home first, and she… needs to have a conversation with Killian. And live long enough to do that, as well. An involuntary shiver runs down her spine when she thinks about the hooded man that’s going to be her downfall, and she’s grateful for these Enchanted Forest clothes when she hides her shaking hand in her robe.

They find Mulan where they left her, at the entrance of the dungeon and she anxiously eyes them both. Mulan tells them Red and Henry left to find Belle and they are now waiting in Emma’s chambers for them to return. “I’ll be relieved soon, I’ll meet you there,” Mulan says evenly. 

The women nod and make their way into the castle, towards Emma’s quarters. When they open the door, they nearly get ambushed by Henry who launches himself at his mother. “Ma, I was sick of worry,” he whines, nearly choking Emma while suspiciously eyeing Regina. “Where did you go?!” 

“The lake, Henry,” Emma says quietly. “I needed to think and... We need… to talk.” 

It’s never fun to explain people that they weren’t real a few weeks back. Emma’s friends and son are not having it, until Emma - much aware of her own magical powers now - projects her mind onto the dreamcatcher, showing her what happened to her and what the Evil Queen wished for. 

“So what -- we’ll vanish?” Red looks astonished, but Regina is quick to reassure them. 

“No, you will not. If that had been the case, everything would’ve been dissolved, reverted back as soon as…” her voice trails away and she refuses to look at Emma, whose cheeks are getting a pink color. The others don’t notice. “As soon as the curse was broken.”

“It’s weird. You know, to think that there’s another one of me out there,” Belle says. 

“It’s like having twins,” Henry frowns, “Only, you don’t know them.” 

“You really have to go, huh?” Red mutters, and Emma goes to her and envelopes her friend in a tight hug. “Despite all the memories I have with you, this is not my realm, Red,” she replies into Red’s hair. The she-wolf sniffs. 

“But you were my… pack, I guess.” Red’s attempt to smile fails. “You and Belle and Mulan and me.”

"I’ll be here,” Henry mutters and now, Red genuinely smiles as she extends the hug to the young knight. They stand like that until Mulan enters the room and Belle quickly fills her in. The thoughtful glance in Mulan’s eye never fades as she mulls over all the words.

“So,” she finally says, “It appears we need a portal to your world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a gentle warning ahead - Emma's an idiot <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I know Hook's not a very popular guy right now but hear me out - I don't want Regina to be a homewrecker and I don't want Emma to be a cheater and I definitely don't want both of them to be super-flighty after all they've been through, so please bare with me. I promise, in the end it'll be all good :)

They decide that they all need sleep soon after. And the next day, they will all look for ways to get a portal open. Belle says they sometimes just appears and is going to try and find some predictive texts to analyze where they open exactly. Red wants to sniff out some magic beans, she says, and Henry wants to tag along with her. After Red leaves, he quietly tells his mother that she doesn’t need to worry about Red, and he’ll take care of her. Emma pulls him into a tight hug, utterly grateful.

After everyone’s left, Regina and Emma eye each other awkwardly. “So, uh,” Emma says nervously, “I’ll sleep on the sofa. You take the bed.” 

“You really don’t have to-”

“I insist. I might’ve been a princess here, but I’ve slept on worse than this very expensive couch. I’ll be fine. Besides, you’ve been sleeping in a glass coffin for weeks. You deserve a bed.” Emma casts an almost-smile and Regina arches an eyebrow, but the brunette concedes. 

“Fine. If that’s what you wish.” 

Emma drags some of the blankets to the couch and after that, she locks the door. Her mother has a nasty habit of barging in whenever she’s awake and she’d die of utter shock if she would see Regina in her daughter’s bed. 

She sneaks behind the folding screen and quickly dresses into her nightgown (which now her memories have returned, seem utterly foolish. She’d rather sleep in a top and shorts) and launches herself towards the sofa, while Regina uses the bathing area to wash up. When the brunette returns, Emma’s already covered herself with a pile of blankets. She sees the smirk on Regina’s face but chooses not to comment as the former Evil Queen slides between the sheets, as well. She hoists herself on one elbow and gives Emma one lingering look and Emma cannot turn her eyes away, but then Regina blows out the last candle next to the bed.

“Good night, Emma.” 

“‘Night, Regina.” 

~*~ 

It’s still dark when Emma opens her bleary eyes, for a moment not knowing where she is. Something woke her up, but she doesn’t really know by what exactly - until she hears it again. Muffled sounds come from her bed - right, she’s sleeping on the sofa - and she hoists herself on her shoulder. “Regina?” she softly says, voice crooked. 

There is no answer, only more sounds that get louder. Regina starts tossing and turning or maybe she’s been doing that for a while already, Emma realizes. It’s what woke her. “N, plss,” she hears, “no, _please, no,”_ she hears and the blonde knows it’s a nightmare. Induced by the sleeping curse, most likely. Even though this Regina didn’t take the curse personally, apparently the effects of it are the same.

She swiftly slides from the sofa and tries to catch Regina’s wrist, that’s flying from left to right. “Regina,” she hisses, urgently. “Regina, you’re having a nightmare - Ow, jesus!” She didn’t manage to grab the brunette’s hand in time and now Regina’s fist has painfully collided with her jaw.

Regina nearly launches herself up as Emma staggers backwards. “Wha-what are you doing?” she rasps while breathing quickly, touching her own painful knuckles as Emma rubs her hurt jaw.  
  
“I was checking to see if you were okay,” Emma replies, carefully getting closer. “You had a nightmare. So, uh, are you?” 

Regina closes her eyes for a moment, and sighs. “I did, and I will be,” she murmurs, knowing where it comes from. Automatically, Emma climbs on the bed. “Dad said that mom had them forever,” she quietly speaks. “I… I’m sorry. If you hadn’t come after me, you wouldn’t have-” 

“Don’t be. If I hadn’t, you’d have been lost forever in this realm.” Now Regina’s hands grabs Emma’s and she squeezes it. “I am sorry for hitting you.”

Emma simply shrugs. “This one hurt less than the first time you punched me,” she offers, and wants to slide off the bed, back to the sofa. But Regina tightens her grip around her wrist and mildly surprised, the blonde looks up to meet brown eyes. 

“It might… help when you’re... when someone's here,” Regina says. “Stay. Your bed’s big enough for the both of us.”

Emma’s cheeks turn pink and she’s glad that the darkness is hiding it. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” she asks tentatively. A warmth she doesn’t want to acknowledge spreads from her wrist to the other parts of her body.

“No, of course not,” Regina quietly says, “But a sleeping curse is… lonely. I…I don’t want to be alone. If you're uncomfortable, put a pillow in between.”

Emma knows how hard it is for Regina to admit something like this, and she bites her lip before she hums a reply. “Fine, but no more hitting innocent people,” she tells her. She hears how Regina suppresses a relieved sigh and a snort and she instantly feels good about herself. “Try to get some more sleep.”

Regina falls asleep pretty quickly, but Emma lies awake for a long time. The faint moonlight dapples the room, providing enough light to see the contours of Regina’s face. She’s relaxed and more at ease than Emma has ever seen before. And this image, she can feel it radiating in her entire body. This is what she wants Regina to be for an eternity. Not asleep. But peaceful. Relaxed. 

She realizes that both Saviour Emma and Princess Emma made Regina the same promise: that they’d fight for her happy ending. Both of them did. Now, there’s only her. Emma bites her lip. She doesn’t know what that means anymore. Not with the lingering death in her own future. She shivers and pushes the dark thoughts of not having a future at al to the back of her mind. 

Then, Emma frowns. Her thoughts drift to Killian. They have done that a couple of times, but she misses him less than she thought she would. It’s something else that’s confusing. She chose Killian, didn’t she? Why? What made him so perfect for her? What strengthened their bond? What made her turn him into the Dark One in the end - and what moved her to go to hell and back to save him? 

What moved her to save Regina and promise her a happy ending of her own - twice?

Silently, she curses true love for tearing her apart like this. Killian is not a bad guy. Regina is not a villain. And Emma is completely lost.

~*~ 

Emma wakes up from a pleasant dream. Sunlight tickles her eyelids, but she is instantly wide awake when she finds she’s completely wrapped herself around Regina while she was sleeping. Her head rests on Regina’s shoulder, who’s wrapped an arm around hers. Her left arm lies over the brunette’s waist. One leg is draped over Regina’s while the other one is firmly pressed against a tanned thigh. Emma gasps. Now she's awake, her entire body feels like it's on fire. Thank goodness for the a-sexual nightgown, she internally groans, even though during the night, it has crawled up to her waist.

It’s already light outside and she knows she has to untangle herself if she ever wants to be able to look Regina in the eye again. She breathes shallowly, carefully lifting the left arm and leg by slowly, very slowly, turning her body and head until she’s no longer lying on Regina’s body. Regina’s breath unevens momentarily and Emma freezes with both limbs up in mid-air. She waits until the breathing deepens. Now, for the arm wrapped around her own shoulders… that’s going to be tricky. Fortunately, Regina’s still far away off in dream land. Emma musters up all of her courage and pries Regina’s fingers loose while intently watching her face. Next time, she scolds herself, she’s going to build a wall of pillows. 

She’s rather proud of the way she slithers her way out of Regina’s arms before quickly rolling over to the other side of the bed - she is so quick, she almost falls off but she’ll always deny that. When she’s finally resting on her back, she breathes deeply.

They really need to get the hell out of this realm.

“Emma?”

Regina sounds sleep-drunk. Emma casually rolls on her side, quite impressed by her own cool attitude. “I’m here.” 

A small, almost content smile forms around Regina’s lips before her eyes open. “I didn’t have any other nightmares,” she says and Emma can read the flash of relief in her eyes. 

“I’m glad,” Emma replies and she is. It might have something to do with the taco-pose she just wiggled herself out of, but she’d rather cut off her hand than to ever tell. She still needs to recover.

“We should get up, though,” she then sighs. “If my mother can’t come in this room she’ll mobilize all the guards in the palace.”

Regina plants an elbow in the mattress and pushes herself up. “Well. At least some things are the same in all realms,” she snorts while rolling her eyes and it makes Emma laugh, because it’s true.  
  
“I have to tell her though. The truth. She deserves it.” 

Regina eyes her thoughtfully, before she nods. “I’ll make sure to make myself scarce then.”

And then, Emma remembers something and her brow furrows, which causes Regina to frown, as well. “What is it?”

“There's something we need to do.”

Regina waits, and Emma continues with a sigh. “To find you, I visited your old castle. It’s overgrown and dilapidated and we found Rumplestiltskin there. Not Gold. This version’s realm.”

Now, Regina scowls. “Don’t tell me you made a deal with Rumpelstiltskin and nobody stopped you?” she says with raised eyebrows.  
  
Emma shrugs and she smiles sheepishly. “Well, no. Fortunately, Princess Emma had more brains than to give in. But apparently your older self once rescued Belle from Rumplestiltskin and I might’ve slipped that she’s still alive, so he’ll move hell and earth to get out. According to Mulan, his cage is protected with blood magic - your blood, because your wish-self captured him. You know, Gold is creepy sometimes, but this version scared the hell out of me.” 

“You’re an idiot in _all_ realms,” Regina scolds. “We’ll think of a way to reinforce the cage, even though blood magic is one of the strongest magics there is.” 

Emma smiles, grateful. “I promised this Belle to figure out a way to keep him away from her. Apparently, she wants nothing to do with him in this realm.”

“Then this Belle is wiser than our own,” Regina huffs, while she pushes herself out of the bed. Emma copies her movement and quickly slides on some leather pants. God, she longs for her jeans at this point. But at least her princess self was smart enough to ditch the corsets already. She quickly looks around to see if Regina’s watching and when she sees the brunette is getting dressed herself, she throws the nightgown over her head before quickly pulling on a soft blouse which she tucks in her pants. “I’m going to find my parents,” she tells Regina. “I’ll send up someone with some breakfast to you. Since nobody knows you as,you know, the redeemed you….” Her mouth twitches. “Let’s not startle the entire kingdom with the return of the Evil Queen, yeah?” 

Regina sighs deeply and for a moment Emma thinks the brunette is going to protest, but she doesn’t. “At least this cage is a lot better than the glass coffin, I suppose,” she concedes, while following Emma with her eyes. She sees how the blonde grabs the dreamcatcher.  
  
“It’s just for a little while, I promise. Lock the door behind me. Don’t let anyone in except-” 

“Yes, Miss Swan,” Regina huffs, “One of your friends. Now go.”

Emma smirks. “Okay. I’ll see you later.” And with these words, she leaves the princess chambers. It doesn’t feel entirely right to say that they’re hers, anymore. They once were, but they don’t feel like home and suddenly, she longs for Mary Margaret’s loft. 

Soon, she tells herself.

~*~ 

“We need to talk. Alone.”

Snow and David sit at the breakfast table as Emma walks up to them with large steps. Her parents look surprised. They had both hoped for this moment to come, but hadn’t expected it to be so soon. Neither had Emma, actually. She looks at their worn faces, sees how her own parents will look within a few decades and sees how beautiful they still will be - but these aren’t really her parents, she has to remind herself. Even though she still has all the memories of Princess Emma and growing up inside these walls, she’s not their daughter. Not really.

“Come here, sweetheart,” Snow rushes to say, not giving her any chance to regret her words. “We can talk here.” David glances at the servants who are setting the breakfast table and Emma waits while they quickly make themselves scarce.

“I found the Evil Queen,” Emma bluntly speaks when they’re alone. “And she’s awake.” Snow and David’s eyes grow wide and Emma sees fear and she quickly continues. “She’s not your Evil Queen. She’s from a different realm. And… so am I.” 

Their eyes are fearful and disbelieving and she sees how frowns form on their faces. “It’s a lot to take in. But in my realm, the Evil Queen wished me away.”  
  
“The one you woke up?” David asks and Emma quickly shakes her head. No, they’re split in two. There’s a good one and a bad one.”

“Honey, you don’t make any _sense_ ,” Snow speaks in a pleading voice and she looks at Emma as if her daughter might’ve turned insane and she’s highly confused. Emma knows she’s right. She sighs. She wants this over so badly that she’s rushed into it and nobody in their right mind would’ve been able to make something reasonable out of what she’s said so far. She sinks into a chair next to them. 

“I know. I’m sorry. Look, you know something’s been off ever since my birthday, right?” She waits until her parents nod. “That’s because then, this world was created. Everything -- It’s all created out of a wish.”

She reveals the dreamcatcher and hesitates. These versions of her parents don’t know anything about her magic and she’s not sure how they’re going to react. It can’t be any worse than how they’re looking at her now, she figures. Earlier, she would’ve been pissed off because of them not believing her, now she really _wants_ them to believe. They still look and feel like their parents. “Keep an open mind, okay?” 

When the magic starts, she hears her mother breathe in sharply. She spins a history of Snow and David giving up Emma, a baby at the roadside, giving up her real Henry and coming to Storybrooke. She’s giving them the short version, but she does make sure to include Regina’s rehabilitation, all the way up until Robin’s death and splitting the Evil Queen from Regina on a rooftop in New York until the moment she stands in Granny’s Diner and the Evil Queen wishes her away. 

“You know what happened after,” she softly says, as she sees different emotions flash over their faces, which have turned ashen as the story unfolds. “I wasn’t the same as I was before. I… I still have memories. Of… well, everything. But it was never real.” 

Her parents seem incapable of speaking so Emma continues, darkly. “My own world is in danger. There’s a great evil coming to Storybrooke and I… I’m the only one able to stop it. I’m the _Saviour_. And I need to go back there to make sure everyone’s safe.” She doesn’t say that she’s destined to die. She simply can’t do that to them. 

“Forgive me for not being able to wrap my mind around it all,” Snow says and she suppresses a quiver in her voice. “You’re using _magic_ and you’re saying that we never existed up until a little over a week ago. That you’re not our… our daughter….” Snow looks at her, pleading her with huge eyes to say that it’s a joke, that none of it is true and when Emma simply bows her head, Snow cries out in pain and jumps up. “How can you expect me to believe that it’s _true?_ ”

“Because you know something’s been off,” Emma murmurs. “And I think because… because for you, as well, giving me up through a magic wardrobe was an option until the very end, wasn’t it?”

Snow’s breath hitches and Emma sees how realization and guilt wash over her mom’s face.

“Mom,” Emma says, but Snow raises her hand to shush her and Emma complies. “I-I need… Time,” Snow says, voice trembling. “Grant me at least some time and…. _don’t leave_ before… you give me some time..” She turns around while tears start to roll over her cheeks and she leaves the breakfast table. 

Emma turns to David. “Dad,” she softly says, reaching out her hand and she’s immensely relieved when he grabs it. Real or not, he always anchors her. “I’m sorry. For everything. I didn’t know since… yesterday.”

He moves his chair closer to hears and leans forward, intently looking at her face. “How did you break the curse?” he quietly says. Emma wants to answer but she sees that he already guessed the answer. She leans back a bit.

“You already know,” Emma says, hesitant. 

“So in this other realm, you and the Evil Queen…?” 

“Well,” Emma sighs, “Not really. Over there… we’re not... It’s… it’s complicated.” 

David scoffs, and to Emma's surprise, is not really satisfied with the answer. “True love doesn’t have to be complicated. You know, when you’re not constantly being hunted by an Evil Queen, at least.” He smirks and squeezes her hand and reaches for the other one.

“Well, both Regina and I don’t have the best track record in having a decent relationships," Emma sighs, "She’s a reformed villain, I’m a saviour so I don’t know what cruel twist of fate that is, but it’s… hard. Her soul mate just died, Neal died in our realm as well....” And then there’s Killian, who’d do anything for her and maybe that's why she literally went to hell and back for him - but she doesn’t want to complicate things for her father even more, not now he’s surprisingly understanding and apparently, accepting everything she’s told him. 

“And uhm, maybe I can come visit?” Emma offers. It sounds lame but David smiles and he seems a little resigned.

“No matter what happened that created our realm, you’ll always be our daughter. We’ll always be here, waiting for you to come. But Emma… promise me you won’t leave before you talk to your mother.” 

She pulls him into an awkward hug and breathes in his scent, as she’s done so many times in fake memories. 

“And Princess… before you leave, I’m going to meet your Regina. Because I need to know what her intentions are with you.”  
  
She pulls back instantly, wanting to correct him that it’s not _her Regina_ but when she sees the amused glance in his eyes, she closes her mouth instantly.

She returns his gaze with a small smile.

“Perhaps,” she says, not wanting to promise anything.  
  
But her father won’t hear of it. “Bring her to dinner tonight.” 

~*~

Unfortunately, they have to honor her father's wish because Red and Henry haven’t returned yet and there’s nothing much they can do but wait. They share the dinner table with Emma’s parents, Granny, who’s eyes shoot daggers towards the former Evil Queen, and Belle and Mulan who sit across from each other but Emma just knows that something’s happening with their feet under the table. Dinner is mightily awkward with Snow constantly frowning at her former nemesis only this isn’t actually _hers_ , and with David (who apparently can wrap his head easier about everything) who winks at Emma, playfully wiggling his eyebrows and it’s something she really wished she wouldn’t have witnessed. He’s her _father_ and the king of this realm and apparently, he and the Storybrooke-version are very much the same albeit the age difference. She can almost hear Regina say _Idiots_ in her mind, which makes her smirk despite the awkwardness.

Halfway dinner, Emma can hardly look at Regina because of her embarrassment but Regina, albeit being Regina, is polite enough and so are the others, so it’s not a complete failure.

When the ordeal is finally over, they retreat to the princess chambers. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Emma apologizes, but Regina waves it away.

“I have dealt with your parents many times before,” she replies, lips slightly turned into a smile, “and I can assure you, this was not the worst encounter by far.” 

Before Emma can ask what could possibly be worse than this, Henry barges into her room. Red closely follows. “We got one!” Henry cheers enthusiastically and Emma looks puzzled for a moment because she thought he didn’t _want_ her to go and at that moment, Henry realizes that as well. “I’m sorry, I’m just excited we found one. We went to the harbor because sailors trade all kinds of rare things and there we heard of a pirate who might have one. Red,” he says proudly, poking a finger at her, “she sniffed him out.”

“I still have his stench in my nose,” Red whines and even Henry shudders. “Me too, he mutters, “and I don’t even have wolf scent.” They smile at each other, before Red continues. 

“We found the old man in a cave near the sea.” Red continues. “He was sleeping out his rum-induced coma and he wasn’t quite capable of hiding anything. We left him another bottle of rum to thank him for his services to the kingdom.” The she-wolf winks and Regina snorts. 

Emma looks up. “We can almost go home,” she simply says. Regina nods. Almost. Emma feels high with anticipation, even though nothing back home looks appealing. If her visions in Storybrooke are true, she’ll die fighting the cloaked man. If she survives, she has to have a difficult talk with Killian. Or maybe it’s the other way around. And… her eyes flick towards Regina, who now looks at her intently. 

And maybe not everything is bad.

But there’s tomorrow to deal with, first. Emma needs her mother to talk to her (the irony of it all doesn’t escape her because it’s been the opposite since Emma arrived in this wish realm). And after that, they need to deal with Rumplestiltskin’s cage. 

Red lingers after Henry returns to his own room to sleep, and she motions Emma towards the balcony while Regina goes to wash up and prepare for bed. Curiously, Emma follows her friend - because Red still feels like her best friend, and it’s weird at the same time because in her own world Red is one of Snow’s best friends. Saviour Emma never really had friends before she got to Storybrooke, but Princess Emma’s always had Red. 

“Let me come with you,” Red says. “To your world.” 

Emma is taken by surprise. She didn’t know what to expect but this was definitely not it. “Red-- why? This is where you belong.” 

The she-wolf snorts. “Well, as you so eloquently put it, we only exist because of you, right? Apparently, I’m created as your best friend. If you’re not here… then where does that leave me?” She makes an impatient gesture. “Mulan and Belle have each other here. I know Henry worries but he should better be equipped looking after Snow. I want to come. And help you defeat whatever villain you need to defeat. And perhaps also knock some sense into you whenever you do something insanely stupid. Which you know you’re going to need because you always do those -- or maybe not, over there?” Suddenly, Red looks insecure. “You do, don’t you?” 

Emma’s mouth twitches and she’s about to answer, when she hears a muttered: “Oh, all the time.” behind her. Emma shoots an aggravated look over her shoulder and sees Regina standing next to her bed to gather some clothes, while Red snorts at Regina’s words and looks relieved and smiles a toothy grin. “Well. I’m happy that not _everything_ was created in a curse. At least some of it is the same in both our worlds.” 

There’s another sound that seems a lot like a suppressed grin from the bedroom and Emma rolls her eyes. “I’m not sure if it’s going to be a wise thing to put you two together in one realm but if you’re sure, Red… please come along.” 

Before Emma’s spoken her last words she’s enveloped into a tight hug and she gasps for air but laughs at the same time. And, she thinks while returning the hug, it’s nice to have Red by her side. Storybrooke-Ruby has taken off a while ago anyway. And even though she knows Red wasn't really her childhood friend, parts of Princess Emma are still inside her. 

Who knows, maybe it’s something her visions haven’t taken into account and it might tilt the scale completely, right?

She can only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the next few chapters (5 to go, if all goes well!) will be a little slower because they need to be thoroughly rewritten, as I'm not content with the basic outline anymore. Apart from that, I have to help my girlfriend move to her new house, so that's also going to eat up some time. They will come, I promise - the first draft has been written to the very end already - but you might have to wait a little longer for them.


	15. Chapter 15

The morning is super awkward. Last night, Regina had nightmares again. And again, Emma crawled in the bed but this time, after Regina fell asleep, she placed a pillow between them. It helped somewhat. She still woke up with limbs entangled, with tingles all over her body, spreading from where Regina’s skin was touching hers, but because of the pillow there was a little more distance which made it easier to move away from Regina before the brunette woke up. 

But even as they both get dressed, there’s a tension. Not an unfamiliar one, because it’s been present ever since Emma woke Regina from the sleeping curse. So yes, it has _everything_ to do with the big, rainbow colored elephant in the room that neither of them want to address. In a way, Emma thinks, it was easier when she was simply Princess Emma, who would not shy away from talking about _feelings_ , not having the history of hurt and rejection and _the life_ of Saviour Emma. Princess Emma would just have demanded to talk about it. Saviour Emma, however, is the scaredy cat.

Emma sighs and forces herself to shove her feelings for Regina in a mental box, pushing it far, far away in the back of her mind. Between the visions of her own death in Storybrooke, Killian, and finding a way home, now is not the time or place.

And yet, there’s this tiny nagging voice in the back of her mind that keeps asking her a question. _“Will there ever be a right time?”_

Maybe the mental box isn’t as closed as she would like it to be.

Regina’s already left for breakfast a while ago. The woman is super brave to face everyone on her own. Once a queen, always a queen, Emma thinks.

She sighs again, looking around in the chambers she’s called home for - at least in one set of her memories - such a long time. Her eyes slide over the hearth, the arched windows, her bed, the sofa and the attached bathing area. It’s not difficult to leave it behind, not with her old memories in place, but she also remembers feeling safe here. Loved. With parents who, albeit overprotective, never gave her up. A sharp _pang_ hurts her heart. Would this really have been her life if things had went differently? If they’d never given her up?

It’s not fair, not really, to still wonder. But she’s been hurt so many times for such a long time in her life, even after she found her parents and she found out that they would have another child. She’s felt replaced for a long time.

Her closed up Saviour Emma behaviour is completely explainable, she thinks, her mind wandering back to Regina. Especially because the brunette has just lost Robin to Hades. It’s too soon. She can’t do that to Regina. And with all the hurt and rejection from her past, Emma doesn’t want to be a second choice. A rebound. She wants…. she doesn’t really know. Doesn’t know if she’ll ever even have the chance to be a second choice or rebound or hell, true love.

Death still looms over her.

_What if she’d never go back to Storybrooke?_

The thought runs through her mind before she realizes it, and in a split second, she considers it. She wouldn’t face death, she wouldn’t have to deal with all the difficult decisions and would have loving parents.

But the moment she considers, she dismisses it. This Henry, even though such a mirror image, is not really hers. And Regina… she knows Regina would never stay. She’d want to go back.

And Emma knows she will follow her anywhere, despite everything that awaits her. Even death.

Which that tells her something she doesn’t want to put her finger on just yet. Where’s that damn mental box when you need it? She snorts, and starts moving.

First things first, she tells herself while grabbing her red leather jacket and pulling it on over her white blouse. She softly caresses the red fabric. Her armor. She needs to focus on what needs to be done and has to keep everything irrelevant out. First she’ll deal with Rumplestiltskin and getting back home. And she’ll follow her gut feeling from there because that is something she’s always trusted in all her lives, fake or real. 

It’s gotten her this far, after all.

~*~

When she arrives at the breakfast table, she sees Regina and David having a get together. As soon as Regina spots her, she nods at David, says something and comes towards her. “What was that all about?” Emma says. She’s burning with curiosity, especially since Regina doesn’t seem annoyed. Maybe a little shaken up. In any case, Regina smirks. “He’s just telling me to take care of you,” she says. 

Emma knows she’s not telling the truth and her brow furrows. Regina notices, but because there’s so many people around there’s not much Emma can do about it. 

“You’ll know soon enough,” Regina quietly says. “Trust me.”

It doesn’t help much but Mulan, Belle and Red join the ranks so Emma needs to let it drop. 

Henry and her parents also join in and David starts to talk. “Regina will take us to her castle.”

Her eyes flash to the brunette. “Okay,” she simply says. “And then what?”

Regina smirks. “Always the impatient one.” Emma doesn’t really know what to think of the fact that her dad hums in agreement - how the hell did they become friendly so quickly? But Regina continues: “Well actually, first, I need to pay my vault a visit. It should still be intact, because it, too, was locked with blood magic. And then, we’re locking Rumplestiltskin up for the rest of his life which, in his case, will be an eternity.”

“I want to help,” Emma says. 

Regina snorts. “I told you in Storybrooke you shouldn’t touch anything in my vault, Emma, and you didn’t listen to me then. This vault has even more dangerous potions and objects, and I’m not sure I want you near any of it.” They vaguely notice the crowd around them, who collectively seem to hold their breaths. After all, it’s still a very real copy of the Evil Queen she’s talking to. 

“I know you’ve talked to another version of me for the past weeks, but I can do magic,” Emma irritably says. She won’t be dismissed so easily. Regina looks at her, unimpressed, and arches an eyebrow. “Light magic, dear. Restored memories or not, there’s still much you don’t know and I’d rather get you back to Storybrooke in one piece.” 

Their eyes lock for a moment and Regina looks so confident that Emma can’t do anything but give in.

“All right,” she concedes, even though she’s not happy with the outcome. The crowd around them relaxes collectively and Regina smirks. “But at least tell me what you’re off to do.”

Regina’s eyes flash to David, and he shrugs. “I’m going to try and bind light magic to the blood magic that holds Rumplestiltskin. If I can connect the most powerful binding spell with the most powerful light magic, there’s not a chance in hell that he’ll ever get out. It’s basically another barrier that he can’t get through. If Belle’s as important to him here as she is in our realm, he’ll be adamant about getting out.” 

“So, what are you going to use?”

Regina stops in her movements and her eyes slowly trail to Emma’s face. “True Love.”

“W-what?” Emma takes a small step back but it doesn’t go unnoticed, and Regina’s face hardens a little. When Emma’s eyes uncomfortably flash to her friends, they all gaze away. Cowards, she scowls, before her eyes drift back to Regina. Her stomach feels queezy, like nervous butterflies are wreaking havoc inside her belly.

“We’ve established that True Love is the most powerful magic in all realms, didn’t we? I’m going to use your - your parents love to bind the cage. David is going with me, to see if we can use his love for Snow.” Regina closely pays attention to Emma posture and both notice how Emma’s shoulders relax. 

Emma breathes a little easier. Her parents’ magic. Of course. And yet, she’s also a little disappointed. And hurt, because Regina prefers to take her father instead of her. But it makes sense, of course, because they’ve never really talked about their situation and what it is, exactly, whilst Snow and David have proven what True Love can do over and over again. Still, she wishes that she could come with.

“But isn’t True Love like, light magic? And locking someone in a cage, well, doesn’t seem light to me.”

“And that, miss Swan, is why I need to go to my vault that contains a lot of dark magic. Somehow, we’re going to make it compatible. We have to ensnare some light magic within the dark.”

Emma frowns. “How will that even work? And you, you haven’t used dark magic in ages. Your magic turned light.”

“I am well aware, Miss Swan,” Regina snaps. “Stop stating the obvious.” 

“Then how -” 

“Magic is not dark or light. It’s how you choose to use it. Use it for good, and it’s light. Use it for bad…” Regina makes an irritated gesture with her hand. “I can assure you, trapping light magic is not considered as a positive thing.” Her gaze softens somewhat. “But we have to try.”

~*~ 

It takes David and Regina a few hours before they return and the only thing that Emma can do to is pace up and down, up until the point Red takes her outside and sits her down. “Relax. He’s not going to murder her and she won’t turn him into a monkey.” Red’s brow furrows. “I think.” 

“I know that,” Emma says. “I just… I worry,” she finally adds. 

Red snorts. “Of course you do. Everyone does. Rumplestiltskin… I’m sure he’s plotting a way out while we’re waiting. God knows how far he is already.” 

“Yes. And it’s not just that, it’s-”

“Yeah yeah, your true love and all.” Red makes a vague gesture with her hand and winks. “How’s that working out for you anyway? You don’t come across as lovebirds so far. Not like David and Snow.”

“It’s not… it’s complicated,” Emma says, with a definitive tone in her voice. She doesn’t want to talk about it. But she should’ve known that Red won’t take no for an answer. 

“Why? True love is super rare. And I guess you and here are a bit of an awkward couple, but still…” The she-wolf shrugs.

Emma sighs. “I know. But she and I… we have a complicated history. And things happened, or are about to happen in Storybrooke. I just don’t-”

“SHE’S HERE!”

Grumpy’s voice interrupts them, and Emma stops talking. Red glares at her. “This conversation is not over yet. You’re going to tell me _everything_.”

Emma can’t help but smile a little as they make their way inside.

~*~

Regina doesn’t look as content as Emma would’ve expected, and the worry is back in full force, but David seems sure enough of Regina’s brew. “The plan is simple,” he regally takes the lead. “We’re going to use True Love to forever cage the Dark One. We don’t know how far he is with figuring out how to break any magic but I think it’s safe to assume that he’s not out yet - otherwise we’d probably been visited already.”

Regina will teleport the party consisting of Snow, David, Mulan, Red, Henry and Emma, but Emma’s surprised that Belle indicates she wants to come as well. “It has to work. Who knows, maybe he’s temporarily stupefied when he sees me. I need to see that he’ll be locked up forever,” Belle murmurs, and Emma gives Belle’s arm a reassuring squeeze, before she turns to Regina.

“Let’s go.”

The brunette smiles, and touches her arm before they’re enveloped in a purple cloud. There’s a tingle where Regina touched her and apparently, Regina feels it too, because as soon as they reappear in the dungeon Regina pulls her hand back as if she’s burned herself. 

She didn’t even need to touch, Emma thinks, and she raises her eyes to meet Regina’s, but the brunette’s focused on the rest of the party when she moves her arm up and down.

And there she is, the Evil Queen in full attire and Emma sees how the group gasps collectively. Regina arches an eyebrow. “We have to sell the part, don’t we?” Regina smirks. 

A not entirely unpleasant shiver runs over Emma’s back, and the blonde can see how the Evil Queen once ruled a kingdom with force. Regina’s Evil Queen appearance does strange things to her belly and suddenly, Emma feels really warm. 

Regina looks at her as if she knows what Emma’s thinking, and Emma bites the inside of her cheek to refrain from making any sounds - the intensity of the Evil Queen’s eyes burns right through her - and it looks like Regina wants to say something, but instead, she turns and strides to the dungeon in which Rumplestiltskin is trapped. 

Emma exhales slowly, and is mildly startled when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She tilts her head, only to find her father's eyes. The corners of his eyes are wrinkled as if he’s about to smile. 

He sees too much, she thinks, offering a lopsided grin in return.

And then, they hear a giggle.

Rumpelstiltskin.

The imp cackles in delight when Emma catches up with Regina. “Well well well,” he smirks, inspecting her from top to bottom, “Look who’s being all saviour-y. But I’m curious, dearie. Tell me, how did you wake her up?”

“Apparently,” Regina drawls before Emma can speak, “Our son does love me a lot in all the realms. He just needed a little… convincing.” 

"And now, here we are. Well done, saviour,” Rumplestiltskin cheers, “Now, as for you, Regina… I have to say I was quite disappointed with you. You were supposed to be my… legacy. But you’ve been no more than my biggest failure.” 

His face covers with darkness but the Evil Queen doesn’t flinch. On the contrary, she raises her chin and shows her teeth. “There’s more than one way to be a legacy, my dear teacher,” she purrs at him and Emma leans back a little. Regina knows what she does. The Evil Queen smirks viciously and Emma can’t get over how much she looks like the _other_ Evil Queen back in Storybrooke. The truly evil one. 

Rumpelstiltskin returns the gaze, unfazed. “Why are you here? Did you come to gloat? Or… are you here to get me out? I’ve got places to be, you see. You know I will get out eventually. Blood magic is strong, but I’m the Dark One.” His eyes darken and his voice lowers and when he speaks, Emma feels a shiver run down her spine. 

“Help me, and you’ll have an ally in all the realms. We’re not limited to just one, you and I. Together, we can rule everything.” He tilts his head and his mouth turns into a twisted smile, while he pushes his face to the bars of his cage. “Deal?” 

“Re-” 

One glance of the Evil Queen and Emma is quiet. 

“Very well, I see you have a new pet,” Rumple says delighted. “She can come too.” He claps his hands. Emma suppresses a snort. 

“Tempting... but I am truly sorry. I have to decline,” the Evil Queen husks. “I merely wanted to check if you were still in your cage, where you belong. And make sure you’re not a threat to my or any other realm.”

Emma sees a flicker of surprise on the Dark One’s face as Regina raises her hands to fortify the cage but Rumplestiltskin collects himself quickly. 

“You chose wrong, dearie,” he snarls at her, mirroring her move. And his magic hits the barrier quicker than Regina’s does. In a second Emma sees surprise on Regina’s face - the cage is supposed to nullify magic, but apparently Rumplestiltskin is further along with his escape than they thought and even though he can’t teleport himself out, he can use magic on the inside of his cage. 

And then several things happen at the same time. Her parents and friends are suddenly behind her as dark and purple magic stride for supremacy. The magic users acknowledge their arrival but not enough to distract them.

“Do it, Regina,” David cries out while he and Snow come in closer, and their parents hold onto each other as if they’re going to get hurt and maybe they do as Regina moves barely noticeable to extract _something_ from them, connecting them to both her own magic and the cage when David places a hand on Regina’s shoulder.. 

Emma stands frozen has flashbacks to a time in which Snow sacrificed herself for Regina in Storybrooke, when she was on the verge of being taken to the Underworld when the power of their connection was stronger than the spell. Regina must’ve remembered.

“Throwing True Love in the mix, dearie?” Rumple cackles, “You’ve gone soft! Besides, I trapped their particular love magic before so I know its strengths… and weaknesses.” This is something they hadn't encorporated in their plan. If the Dark One has a blueprint of their specific True Love, there might be a way for him to work around it. And he does, as he intensifies his stronghold on the inside on the cage.

Snow moans as the magic pulls energy from them. Henry and Red rush forward to support her and to Emma’s surprise, they’re also caught by the magic. Regina’s eyes flick from the cage to her former nemesis to Emma. Drops of sweat pearl down her face. “It’s not enough,” she hisses, and Emma steps forward at the same time as Mulan and Belle do.

When Rumplestiltskin’s eyes find Belle he falters for a second, before seeing the laced fingers. “You are mine, dearie, you made a deal!” he spits at her.

Belle breathes heavily, before shaking her head. “You let me go and I didn’t return. Our deal’s done,” she says, drawing strength from Mulan’s touch while she reaches forward to place a hand on Snow’s other shoulder.

“We’ll never be done, Belle,” Rumplestiltskin spits out, while his magic is blasting the cage from the inside again, “You’ll always be mine and I will always track you down. Only death - yours - can stop me.” 

Emma hasn’t even realized she stepped closer to Regina until their shoulders brush against each other and she raises her arms as well. When the familiar tingle of her own magic roaring through her veins, rushing towards her fingertips, she aims at the same spot Regina blasts towards. She sees how her magic takes the purple’s place, and she hears gasps when the purple starts to encircle the white magic. 

_Trapped._

Only it’s not trapped, Emma instinctively knows, levelling her own arm next to Regina’s until their hands brush. She is willingly offering her light magic. This is exactly where she’s meant to be. Right beside her. It burns where their skin touches, spreading fire through both their bodies. Their magic works together as one and with True Love’s magic of her parents and the love of her friends combined, it culminates into a wall so powerful that she hears a shriek of anger coming from the cage and the magic builds up until it bursts apart, the blast of which throws them all backwards against the floor. 

For a moment, there’s only silence. 

Then, a chilling, enraged cry from inside the cage makes Emma cover her ears instinctively as she turns to see if her friends and family are okay. 

She finds Regina’s eyes and the brunette’s dark gaze is so intense that Emma needs to look away. 

Regina gets up, and slowly walks back towards the cage. “The blood magic is now fortified with both dark and light magic,” she informs the Dark One with a low voice, unfazed as he starts howling in fury and throwing his body against the magic bars. The Evil Queen lifts the corner of her mouth. “Enjoy your very, very long stay in my guest chambers.” She touches the magic a final time to ensure it’s really there, and then, she turns on her heels and slides out of the dungeon.   
  
Emma watches her leave before her eyes flash at the Dark One, who’s crumbled into a growling mess. 

Snow grabs Emma’s upper arm and, while the screams and threats of the Dark One behind them become more adamant, pulls her along. They’re done here.

“How are you feeling?” Emma quietly asks her mother. 

Snow smirks, albeit a little tired. “I’m fine. Nothing that a good night’s rest will cure.” She finds her daughter's eyes. “That… was some powerful magic back there.”

Emma smirks. “It was.” She feels it in her bones. She feels the loss of Regina’s magic connecting with hers, but it’s not something she’s going to talk about with her mother. And yet, there’s a knowing gaze in Snow’s eyes that makes Emma feel uncomfortable.

“When are you… When are you leaving?” her mother asks.

Emma is surprised with both the question and how much it hurts when she answers: “Today.” 

Snow sighs in resignation. A shadow crosses her face but before Emma can say anything, they’re surrounded by purple smoke which carries them outside of the dungeons. She grabs her mother’s arm to steady herself after this sudden transportation and gives Regina a reproachful stare - a warning would've been nice - but Regina just smirks and turns away, leaving Snow and Emma to have their mother and fake daughter talk.

“Mom, I’m… I’m sorry.” Emma sighs. “I know that this is not what you expected and… honestly… neither did I.” 

“I know. It’s just… a lot to wrap my head around, you know?” She smiles a watery smile. “You’re not my daughter, but you still feel like it. You’re a sorceress. And you’re the Evil Queen’s true love, apparently.”   
  
Emma shifts uncomfortably. “Yeah, well, I’m not really sure if that’s-” 

“We all saw the magic coming from you and your lover,” Snow says, cutting her off. 

The blonde gasps. “She’s _not_ my-” 

“Oh, but she will be. Eventually.” Snow sounds really sure of herself and even smirks briefly, but then she turns her eyes away. “You know… she and I… we battled for so long, we were enemies for such big parts of our lives… but when we met, she was _good._ I just… I just have to remember that. She… saved my _life_ .” There’s a sad glance in her eyes when she continues. “I forget that, sometimes. But I know that _that_ Regina still exists. Maybe not in this realm, but she still exists. In yours. I saw the same determination now, as I did all those years ago.”

Emma quietly smiles. “She’s been working so hard to… I don’t know, to do _good_ , I guess. For Henry, at first, maybe. Later… because it’s the right thing to do,” she acknowledges. “That’s why she followed me here in the first place. I’m the saviour, maybe, but I think I would’ve been dead already if it wasn’t for her. It was just her bad luck that she became _your_ Evil Queen while following her here.”

Snow smiles, albeit her sadness. “You saved her, instead.”

“We saved each other,” Emma corrected. “Like we always do.” And it’s true, she thinks, slightly awed. They do save each other. All the time.

“Yes. Well,” Snow says, clearing her throat, not really knowing what else to say. 

Emma grabs her hand. “Take care of Henry for me,” she says, quietly. “Even though he’s not really _my_ Henry… he still is, you know? I… need to know he’s safe. In any realm.” The corners of her mouth move slightly upwards.   
  
Snow nods and answer the small smile, before pulling her into a tight hug. Emma gasps because of the firmness of her mother’s arms and answers the hug instantly. “You know,” Snow whispers in Emma’s hair and Emma can feel how she’s smiling. “I had fun today. We haven’t had a nice brawl in ages here. Maybe I should find my bow again and stirr up the place a bit.”   
  
Now, Emma’s smile is genuine as she pulls back a little. “You should.”

This is going to be an enormous farewell and she hates goodbyes. She can still vividly remember one at the town’s border, just before she and Henry were off to New York and she hated it. When she had to leave her parents behind. Her friends. Regina.

It hurts less than that one though, and she knows, even though she still doesn’t really want to acknowledge it, it’s because Regina’s joining her this time.

She feels two arms slid around her waist and her son pulls her close. “That was awesome, Ma,” Henry cheers, “And it worked! True love trapped Rumplestiltskin!”

“Well, your m- Regina and your grandparents did most of the work,” Emma tells him, ruffling his hair gently, and sees how his eyes go from Snow and David to Regina. “But your magic and Regina’s combined… that was awesome!” Then, he quiets down and smiles wistfully.

“You have to go now, right?”

“Yeah, kid. I really do,” Emma says and he hugs her tightly. It feels so natural. Henry hugs the same in all realms, Emma realizes - he does it with all is heart. Truest believer and all that. “Don’t worry about your parents,” Henry mutters, “I’ll take care of them.”  
  
Above his head, Snow and Emma exchange smiles. “Thanks, kid,” Emma says, pressing her cheek against his head, “I really, really appreciate that.”

When she lets go, she’s bear hugged by her father and she tells him to take care of Snow and Henry, as well. And when Belle and Mulan approach her, she wishes them all the best (honestly, if there’s something great in this realm it’s probably that Belle isn’t in such a destructive relationship to begin with - Mulan is a way better match for the librarian in all the realms - and then she turns back to her mother. 

“Are we… okay?”

“Yes, sweetheart. And we’ll always be here,” Snow smiled, albeit with teary eyes. “You’re just… going on a journey. But you’ll be our daughter, forever. No matter in what kind of realm you are.”

Emma nods and swallows the lump that’s formed in the back of her throat, when she senses someone behind her. Regina. “It’s time,” the Evil Queen says. Emma nods. It is. One final big hug for her parents and Henry and she turns to Red and Regina while biting the insides of her cheek. She’s not going to cry, she tells herself as she nods to Regina.

Regina throws the bean and they watch the swirling vortex enfold. Almost automatically, they both extend their hands to each other, holding on firmly. Emma’s almost surprised on how normal it feels to hold Reginan’s hands and her eyes find Regina’s briefly, before she turns away to eye Red.   
  
“Are you _sure_ ? Storybrooke… it’s not going to be pretty. And you can’t go back.”   
  
Red shakes her head. “It’ll be an adventure,” she grins her wolfy grin. “Storybrooke, it is!”   
  
Emma looks over her shoulder one final time and sees how her parents, Belle, Mulan and Henry are huddled close. Henry smiles at her and raises a tentative hand to wave goodbye and there are tears and Emma has to bite the inside of her cheek even harder. “Let’s go.”

And they go.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some transcriptions of S06E11, first fight with Gideon.

The tornado portal spits them out near the town’s Main Street, right next to the library. It’s dark and somewhere inside of the vortex, Emma’s let go of Regina and she’s smashed against the asphalt of Storybrooke’s street. Her sword clangs on the street as well and she blindly reaches for it. She needs it if she wants to defeat the cloaked figure.

If she can defeat him at all.

She turns to see if both Regina and Red are fine and they are. Like herself, they’re trying to orientate themselves in their environment and where Regina is successful, Red fails. “Wow,” she says, impressed. “So, this is Storybrooke, huh?”

Emma flashes her a small smile and then eyes Regina, because she feels unsettled. The dark streets resemble the ones in her vision. Regina seems to want to say something but before she can, she feels a presence behind her. It chills her bones as she hears a voice behind her. 

“Saviour.”

She freezes momentarily, before she slowly turns around. She hoped she had at least a little more time than this. Her eyes flick to Regina in a split second before turning back. The man in the hooded cloak eyes her coldly while the corner of his mouth twitches. “I’ve been waiting.” 

She hears how both Regina and Red gasp as she takes in his size, before asking: “Who are you?”

“My name is Gideon,” he says, eyes never wandering and now, she tilts her head and narrows her eyes. “I only know one Gideon,” she says, ready to lift her sword if necessary, “and he looks a lot younger than you do.” She walks closer. This is it. This is her destiny. She ignores Regina’s soft but urgent “Emma,” because she cannot be responsible for more lives than her own right now. 

“What do you want,” she says, tightening the grip around the hilt of her sword. He smirks at her, and lunges forward.

She’s ready and raises her sword to catch the first blow and she hears voices but she can’t shift her focus, as she dodges the next blow but not before he kicks her in her stomach, which leaves her flying backwards and she hits the asphalt but luckily, Mulan has taught her well in fairytale land and she flips backwards. She’s just in time to raise her sword when his hit hers and for a second, there’s an impasse before she turns and stands on her knees again. She lunges forward, but immediately knows she’s underestimated him and he disarms her with his sword. 

It flies through the air and Gideon catches it and instantly, his own sword vanishes. Emma stumbles a few steps back, swordless. 

She hears footsteps. 

“Ma!”

“Emma!”

Her eyes momentarily turn to the newcomers whose voices she hasn’t banned from her mind yet. Henry and Hook. She swallows, as her eyes move back to Gideon again. David comes running after them and Regina and Red join them. 

“Stay back,” she bellows with her arms stretched out into their direction without taking her eyes off of Gideon. If this is the end, then this is it. She doesn’t want any other people to die but herself. At the same time, her heart squeezes painfully. She wished she had more time. More time to set things right. More time to explain. More time --

She hears Gold. “Gideon, wait!” And Belle’s desperate, “You don’t have to do this!”

“It’s okay,” Emma calls out to them. “I’m not going to let him hurt anyone.”

And then, Gideon stretches out his arm and freezes everyone in time before turning his eyes back to Emma. “I’m not going to hurt _them_ ,” he smirks, while pointing her own sword at her, “Just you.”

Her eyes flick to her family again, to Regina who, she sees, had her hand raised to cast something - she’s sure it’s a fireball - and she sees her family’s haunted faces and Red’s wide eyes and readiness to throw away her cloak and despite the fact that she thought she was ready to sacrifice herself, to accept her faith, she feels panic. Her hand starts to tremble and she looks down briefly, before looking at Gideon’s smug grin.

“Ready to die, saviour?”

And it’s these words, these exact words, that make the panic dissolve. Because no, she’s not ready. And this is not the way she’s going to go. Not like this, not when there’s so many things to set straight. So many issues to solve. She can’t give in, not just yet. 

She lowers her head, trying to collect herself, but her eyes never wander away from his face. “I’m fated to die,” she speaks in a low, soft voice, “and I will die.” She feels how her entire body shakes as she wills her magic to her trembling hand. 

“But not today.”

A beam of white light erupts from her hands which sends him flying backwards. The sword flies out of Gideon’s hand and shatters next to him and in the moment of desorientation, Emma flies forward, grabs a shard and holds it to his throat.

“No, please, he’s our son!” Gold says and Emma hesitates instinctively. Gideon grits his teeth and she sees how his eyes flash in anger upon hearing his father’s voice. Adrenaline rages through her body, telling her she did it. 

Meanwhile, Gold tries pleading with Gideon. “Son, please, let me help you!”

Gideon growls at him. “I don’t need your help.” He transport out of her grip and is gone and she’s left on her hands and knees, while her friends and families start to move towards her.

She hears their footsteps but barely registers them as she folds her hands together. For a moment, she’s alone with her thoughts. She doesn’t know how, but she’s granted at least _some_ extra time. And she doesn’t know how much, so she needs it to… fix a few things, maybe.

Then, Henry collides into her and hugs her. “Ma, you’re back and you did it!” 

Emma, still trying to steady herself and catching her breath after the intense fight, smiles at him. “I really did,” she answers him, but she can’t stop herself from adding “for now” in her thoughts. Because she knows it’s not over yet. Gideon won’t leave it at this.

Then, Henry tries to pulls her up and has help from Killian, who envelops her into a tight hug and without thinking, she answers it because it’s so _familiar -_ she does it without thinking. “You’re amazing, Emma,” he says and she hears his voice but it should’ve been someone else’s and while she lets go to turn to her father, who bear hugs her, her eyes look for Regina.

“Thank God you’re alive,” her father says and she can’t breathe but in a good way. 

“Thank you, dad. Really, thank you.” She breathes in his familiar scent - it's funny how David smells the same in both realms.   
  
He lets go and Emma’s eyes meet Regina, who keeps a small distance. “Good work, Emma,” she says, but it sounds distant and Emma wants to reach out to her to - she doesn’t even know what she wanted to do - but Regina quickly steps away, leaving her confused. Her brow furrows, but Regina averts her eyes, focusing on Belle and Gold instead, and Emma’s heart aches. She feels rejected. 

Killian’s arms slide around her shoulders once more, and it feels awkward now. She steps out of his embrace, and instead of focusing on his confusion, she asks: “What happened here? Was that really Gold and Belle’s baby? W-where is he anyway?”

“Aye, love,” Killian says, a bit put off by her behaviour. “You’ve defeated him. If you can do it once, you can do it again.” He takes her arm. She’s surprised how possessive it feels, and how much she doesn’t like it, while he’s done it so many times before. “We’ll fill you in later,” he adds. “You need your rest now.” 

She wants to protest, but the adrenaline is starting to leave her body and having used so many magic twice on one day has drained her, as well. Besides, she does need to have a conversation with him. And it’s not something she wants to do in the middle of Main Street with her entire family present. So, she simply nods and turns. Her eyes automatically scout the street and only stop when she sees Regina, still talking to Gold and Belle and she’s curious, she wants to know what they’re talking about. 

“You’re that pirate!” a voice then suddenly comes from behind them, and Emma’s eyes fly to Red, who on her turn is eyeing Killian. “Well, you certainly were a little more spry in your younger days,” she winks at him. 

The group collectively eyes the she-wolf in surprise. Apparently, everyone was so busy with the aftermath of the fight that nobody mentioned Red until she spoke up. “Ruby? You’re back?” David says. 

Emma steps in. “Well… not _really_ Ruby. Sort of," she starts to explain. "This is Red. She's from the Wish Realm." 

David frowns. "What realm?"

"Wish Realm. Apparently, when the Evil Queen wished me away, she created an entire new realm for me to live in." She hesitates and decides not to add 'one in which you didn't give me away' right now. 

“It is an alternate reality,” Regina adds, eyes flicking to Emma just for a split second. “One that will continue to exist. And there were copies of everyone. Red asked to come along to Storybrook, and we agreed.”

Killian looks puzzled from Regina, Emma to Red. Then, his brow furrows. “Alternate reality? Not -- Not spry? What happened to you? What happened to me?” he asks Emma and she opens her mouth, but Red interferes.

“I don’t know who Ruby is, but I can smell the stench of rum, leather and sweat in the same capacity as it was in our realm,” she snorts, wrinkling her nose. “You clean up way nice when you’re… growing younger, I suppose. I’d advise you to switch to water, though.”

“Water? For drinking?” Killian pulls both Emma and Henry, who’d stepped into his ma’s arms moments before in another hug. Now, Red looks puzzled at the three figures in their embrace and the she-wolf’s eyes flick from Emma to Regina, who’s watching it with a resigned look on her face.

Emma wants to reach out to her. Now, more than ever, her heart hurts when she sees the look on Regina’s face but she can’t and it breaks her heart. She can see how Regina's putting up walls to protect herself and Emma wants to cry out in frustration. This isn't what she wants. 

“You know, you could’ve told me that you were destined to die, Emma,” Red says reproachfully, sneaking up on her from behind and Emma feels a bit princessy as she turns to embrace her friend, stepping away from Killian once more. Red to the rescue, Emma thinks. “That’s kind of a big thing, you know?”  
  
“I know,” Emma murmurs in her hair, “Didn’t want to scare you. And I kinda hoped it would’ve been a little later then, you know, right away.”

“Mission failed. But the survival mission, thank goodness, succeeded.” Red reluctantly lets go and immediately, Emma feels Killian’s familiar arm around her waist. It’s odd. Part of her wants to push him away, and part of her wants to lean into it. It’s something she knows, something real, despite all that’s happened. And at the same time it’s awkward, it’s wrong, and Regina’s here which makes it even more uncomfortable. She wants to step away from him again, but he automatically intensifies his grip. He doesn’t want her to go. And it irritates her.

“And I guess you’ll get him next time, right?” the she-wolf adds, suspiciously eyeing Killian’s arm around her waist.

“Well, that might become a problem.” Regina comes up behind her, but stops at a safe distance, clearly avoiding to look at the physical contact between Emma and the pirate.  
  
Emma turns to Regina and frowns. “Why’s that?”

“You can’t kill him, Emma,” Regina continues, making a wavy gesture at Gold and Belle. “If Gideon kills you, then light will be destroyed but if you kill him, you’ll darken yourself.”

Emma looks up, confused. "Do we know why he wants to kill me?" she says. It's strange, but talking about her destined death gets easier every time. 

Regina sighs, running a hand through her hair. Regina _never_ runs a hand through her hair and Emma's worries grow. "Well," Regina says, "Apparently, Gideon was kidnapped by the Black Fairy, who just _happens_ to be Gold's mother. He believes that he will absorb your white magic when you die, so that he can defeat the Black Fairy." 

"He doesn't know light will be destroyed when he kills me?" 

"Or, he's too stubborn to believe it. It runs in the family, apparently," Regina says.

Emma replays the final moments of the battle in her mind. She's has had him at the end of her sword. Or a shard of it, but still. “It’s a perfect trap,” she says, grinding her teeth, “so, no matter what, darkness wins?” Her shoulders slump a little. 

“I’m not telling you to give up. You can’t.” Regina voice is higher now. For a split second, Emma thinks the brunette wants to reach out for her, but Regina contains herself. “You of all people should know that there’s always a third way. We just need to find it.” She sounds urgent. There's even maybe a hint of desperation.

Emma is tired. She doesn’t want to think about a third way. And she’s exhausted, now that the adrenaline has left her body. 

"Tomorrow. We'll figure it out tomorrow," she murmurs.

"Aye," Killian chimes in, protectively wrapping his arm around Emma's shoulder. "Tomorrow's good enough. You need to rest, love."

Red looks at her with a again, a worried face. And when the she-wolf sees the pirate’s hand move up to Emma's shoulder, and her eyes flick uncertainly from Emma to Regina, who clears her throat and with a shaky smile, turns to to the she-wolf.

“Let’s… get you cleaned up and find you some Storybrooke clothes, shall we? I’m sure Granny has some clothes that Ruby left, but I’m not sure if it’s… _really_ your style.”

Red opens her mouth to say something but she snaps her jaws shut - Emma sees how Regina lightly shakes her head to the wolf - and nods. Immediately, she feels a tingly magical sensation in her stomach a fraction before Regina teleports both herself and Red away from the scene in a cloud of purple magic.

Surrounded by family and friends, Emma has never felt more lonely than at that specific moment.

After saying goodbye to her family, Killian brings her… home. Or at least, he brings her to the house they’ve bought but it feels weird to be here. Funnily, even the castle in the Wish Realm felt more like home than this house does. Than it ever did, she realizes.

Emma tells Killian she wants to be alone and she needs to sleep and even though he furrows his brow and a muscle tenses in his jaw, he lets her. She feels how she’s closing herself off from him, mentally and physically. And she knows exactly why.

And at the same time it's super strange. Not long ago she saved Killian from dying by making him the Dark One. Then, she saved him from the Underworld because she loved him. But loving someone and the need to be loved by someone - _anyone_ \- are two completely different things. It unsettles her, now the difference between the two is getting clearer in her mind. 

She feels a pang of guilt towards Killian. But she's been living lies for so long. She knows what to do.

Tomorrow she'll talk to Killian. Then, she needs to see Regina. She's anxious about both encounters.

But instead of being able to mull it over, she falls asleep. But this time, her dreams aren’t enriched by conversations with a certain brunette.

This time, she doesn't dream at all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I'll give you a longer chapter to make up. <3

When Emma wakes up, her limbs feel heavy. She blinks a couple of times.   
  
“She’s awake!” 

“Mom?” And Emma frowns. “Dad?” She feels a little groggy. 

“Yes, it’s _us_. The both of us.” Mary Margaret says. Emma knows that it must mean something, but her head feels like it’s full of clouds. And then, she remembers how the Evil Queen cursed her parents’ shared heart, so that they could never be awake at the same time. 

“But wait - how?” Emma asks, hoisting herself up a little, wincing when her muscles protests. “How long did I sleep, anyway?” 

“Regina did. Together, with the Evil Queen, and Red, and a lot of others. And you’ve been sleeping for two days.”

Emma blinks in disbelief. “What? That’s impossible.” Everything her mother said just now is impossible. Apparently, draining your magic will make you sleep for days on end. That wasn’t part of the deal, Emma thinks, chagrined. 

Mary Margaret smirks. “Regina’s been busy and Wish-Red has been a great help to her, apparently.”

“Tell me everything,” Emma demands, and they see how her parents exchange a glance, but she doesn’t care. She needs to know what happened these past two days. And her mother gladly fills her in.

Apparently, on the first day of her slumber, Regina tracked down the Evil Queen. Mary Margaret doesn’t really know the details but there has been a fight between the two during which they thrashed the mayor’s office, and there wasn’t really a winner of the battle because it seemed that they were both darkness and light again because Regina had taken back some of the darkness and Emma finds the story highly confusing in her still groggy state. 

Then, the two of them had started to discuss how to break the sleeping curse, and almost got into a fight when they couldn’t think of a solution, until Red had suggested they tried that thing they did when they fortified Rumple’s cage. It had been worth a try and a lot of people were willing to help to share their love for the Charmings (Oh, Emma thought, how Regina must’ve cringed) so what they basically did was take a part of the same sleeping curse, but because there were so many of them the curse weakened and broke.

It sounds surreal to Emma, but then again, she just returned from a Wish version of the Enchanted Forest with the Evil Queen so yeah. Surreal is what she does nowadays. But she’s happy for her parents. 

“And what about Gideon?” she tentatively asks. Her head starts to clear up a little. Again, the pair exchange a glance. 

“He’s hiding,” David eventually says, “None of us have seen him again. Not even Belle and Gold.” 

Great. “That means it’s not over yet,” Emma murmurs. “He could’ve killed me in my sleep.”

“Uh, actually, no he couldn’t.” 

Three sets of eyes turn to the door, and Red peeks around the corner. “Look who’s up! Welcome back to the world of the living. The Regina’s fortified your room. Gideon can’t get in.” 

Well, that’s a small relief. Emma sinks back into the pillows, while her parents get up. We’ll clear out, so you can sit,” Mary Margaret tells Red. Emma notices how the two of them are a little awkward around each other. Emma understands -- in the Wish Realm, Red’s been her best friend since they were little. In Storybrooke, Ruby’s always been more a friend to Mary Margaret than to Emma. 

She hugs her parents before they go, and Red comes in. Emma blinks at Red’s new outfit and the tall-legged woman offers her a toothy grin. “You like?” she says, dancing a pirouette to show off her very, VERY short pants and tight - very tight top. “Regina loathes them but I actually like these,” she chatters happily while striking the hotpants she’s wearing today. “She’s also letting me stay at her place. Henry’s been showing me around and I’ve also met your Granny. She’s a lot like mine,” she fondly speaks. “Now I realize you must have felt in my realm. Two Grannies, it’s so weird,” she laughs.

Emma offers a smile. Red’s always been somewhat of a whirlwind but now she’s woken up after two days, she needs a few moments to recuperate. Then, her face quickly falls back into frowning and Red frowns back when Emma doesn’t elaborate on her sudden mood change. “What’s on your mind?” Red asks while dropping on the chair next to her bed. 

“I… nevermind.” Emma’s eyes wander the room in search for the clothes she so thoughtlessly pulled from her body before she went to sleep. She can’t find them.

Red is not easily swayed from the subject. She plants her elbows in Emma’s mattress and leans forward, placing her head on her knuckles. “Spill it. I can sit here all day.” 

“Talking about sinking your teeth into something,” Emma grumbles but Red doesn’t move an inch. And Emma knows she can’t do anything but cave with this Red. Something with dogs and bones, she thinks, lifting her eyes to the sky briefly.

“Do you… How’s Regina,” she murmurs and she feels how her cheeks are heating up. 

“Ah,” Red says, knowingly. She takes a string of her hair and wraps it around her finger. “I think she visited you yesterday, when you were out cold. Everyone was kind of worried when you didn’t wake up. She said it was because of all the magic you used. The pirate and her got in a little argument, apparently, and she came back very riled up, and then I guess she went off to face the Evil Queen. She was actually pretty relaxed after when she brought the Evil Queen over for dinner. This morning, we broke your parents’ curse, and then we sent the Evil Queen - or not so Evil Queen anymore, it’s a bit confusing who’s who right now -- well, we sent her off to the Enchanted Forest. Yours, not mine,” she added to clarify. 

Emma blinks. “You had dinner with both the Evil Queen and Regina?” 

“Uh huh. It was a bit weird. Thank goodness they wore different clothes and had different hairstyles because otherwise it would probably have gotten pretty awkward. One Evil Queen is intense, but two? Geesh. Anyway, Henry was able to send her to a place where she could have a fresh start and since then, Regina seems a bit sad. I asked her, and she said that it’s nice to be able to get a fresh start.” 

Now, her eyes narrow. “Speaking of which, I’ve heard a bit about you and the pirate, what’s that all about?” 

Emma’s head is buzzing with all the new information. So in these two days both the Evil Queen has been vanquished (or redeemed, if you will) _and_ the sleeping curse has been broken? Her brow furrows once more as she thinks about what she’s missed. Who she has missed. 

“Hello? Still waiting.” 

“Uhm, the pirate. Killian.” Emma blinks as if she suddenly remembers something. “I need to talk to him. Soon. Today. Now, actually. Where are my clothes?” 

Red sighs and leans back, while grabbing a pair of ridiculously tight jeans and a white tank top. When she reaches down again, she holds her red jacket. Emma stares at them and frowns. She hasn’t worn this complete outfit in… well, forever. Puzzled, she looks at Red, who shrugs.   
  
“Found them in your closet and it’s actually the only clothes I really like. I mean, knitted sweaters? I gave those to Granny,” Red rolls her eyes and Emma feels how her mouth twitches. Now she comes to think of it, Red’s not wrong. Over the past years her choice of clothing has faltered and she’s not even taking the Wish Realm into account here. 

She grabs her pants and quickly pulls them on, while Red talks about her experiences in Storybrooke so far. “It’s weird, you know, seeing Snow and David so young. They’re about my age. Well, maybe still a _little_ older,” she smiles. “Oh, and Granny offered me a job, you know, in her diner. I’m not sure if I’m going to take it yet. And while I was there, I saw this _woman_ .”   
  
The tone of her voice makes Emma stop zipping her pants and her head snaps up. “Which woman?” 

“Get dressed.” Red doesn’t continue until Emma rolls her eyes, zips up her jeans and grabs her tank top. “Well, she was sitting in one of these booths with a baby. _So_ cute. And I don’t even like babies. She’s got this flaming red hair, is tall and thin and has these mesmerizing green eyes. And the _accent._ ” Red gasps and Emma snorts.

“Zelena? _Really_?” 

“That’s her name? Tell me more about her,” Red whines and Emma shrugs awkwardly. 

“Well, it appears we both have a taste for the evil,” she grins. “Zelena is Regina’s sister. A.k.a. the Wicked Witch of the West.” 

Ruby frowns. “But she has a kid. And she’s not… _green.”_

Emma pinches her feet into her shoes and slips on her jacket. “Later, I promise. I have to find Killian.” 

“You need backup?” 

The blonde shakes her head. “No, this is something I have to do myself.” She squeezes Red’s arm in appreciation and casts a small smile. “But thanks for the offer.” 

~*~ 

She finds him - not very surprisingly - on his ship. “Emma!” he calls out to her, “You’re up! You should’ve called me, I would’ve come over.”   
  
Emma’s lips tug upwards. Killian is still a nice guy. He cares for her. He’s just not… the right person.   
  
She boards the ship and he steps in, enveloping her in a tight embrace. When he tries to kiss her, she turns away her head which lands the kiss on her cheek. 

“No need. I liked the walk.” Then, her mouth drops a bit. “And, uh. We need to talk.” 

Now, Killian’s brow furrows. “You want to talk about what happened in the Wish Realm?” He smiles devilishly. “Being stuck with Regina being an horrific pain in the arse, ain’t it? Come here. Let’s get it out of your system.”   
  
She never really understood why Regina and Hook don’t like each other. Regina has this colorful spectrum of insults for him and Hook is not doing any better. It’s always bothered her somewhat, but never enough to do something about her.

“Yeah, I guess I want to talk about what happened,” Emma mumbles and she folds her hands in her lap. Killian takes them out and intertwines their fingers. Quietly, she tells the story of a loved but lost princess who sees an Evil Queen in her dreams and overcomes her own fears to rescue her. The further the story goes, the more Killian’s brown furrows.

She stops the moment they find the Evil Queen in the glass chest, and looks up to meet his eyes. She sees that he knows where this story is going and his eyes cloud over. 

“I don’t think I like this story much,” he grumbles, a muscle tensing in his cheek.

“Okay. I understand,” Emma says. 

“So what are you saying? What’s between us… it’s nothing?” Killian has never been one for subtlety, and that’s something she actually found rather attractive. She always knew what he was thinking because he never kept it in. “It never meant anything?”

“It’s not _nothing_ . And it did. Only… this is… different.” And it is. It’s different now, after the Wish Realm. She’s known Regina for so long and she knows she’s been suppressing a lot of… _everything_. Some pieces of the puzzle clicked instantly on true love’s kiss. 

And it still scares the hell out of her.

“Then what _are_ you saying?” Killian sounds impatient and she can’t blame him.   
  
“I just-- want to explain what happened. Where I’m at. And you deserve to know what’s happened.” She looks up at him, apologetically. They’ve been through so much together. She made him the Dark One so she wouldn’t end up being alone. And then, she went to hell for him, for the very same reason. Was it love? Maybe she’d convinced herself of it. She still feels… fondness, she thinks. 

But she doubts it was ever love.

“So, now what?” Killian growls, and he jumps up to pace up and down. “You’re going to see if this... True Love nonsense will hold up?”

“It’s not nonsense, it is real. And complicated at the same time.” She wants to explain but she doesn’t really know how in the first place. He’s not the right person to talk about True Love and its complications right now. Besides, if there's something Emma sucks at, it's talking about feelings. She just doesn't really know how to vocalize everything. 

Then, Killian stops pacing and stalks towards her, before dropping on one knee in front of her. “All right. If you love me - and it doesn’t have to be true -- Marry me, Emma.”

Emma’s eyes widen, she gasps for air and she’s momentarily unable to speak. Her eyes desperately wander over his face to see if he’s joking or not. Talking about surprises. This is definitely not what she’d expected. Dumbfounded, she gapes at him. He looks like he means it and takes her silence as an invitation to continue.

“Marry me. You know I’ve always loved you. Marry me - and we can go anywhere. The Jolly Roger is fully stocked. We can travel the world. The realms. We don’t need True Love. We only need us.”

Emma breathes in and out to get the adrenaline out of her system. “No, Killian. I can’t.” Maybe there had been a time, but with what she knew and felt now, she can’t

With a groan, he stands up again. “Why not? Because of the witch?”  
  
“Don’t call her that,” Emma snaps. “It’s not because of her. It’s because of _me._ ”

“ _She_ did this to you.”

“She _didn’t_.”

“The Evil Queen wished for it. It’s part of who she is. Was. Whatever. So yes, love, she _did_.”

The conversation aggravates Emma immensely now. “You know this isn’t fair. I came here because I believed you deserved to know what happened. And Regina-”

Killian snorts in disgust upon hearing her name and interjects. “You’ll have till tomorrow night.”

Now, she’s flummoxed. “What?”

“I’ll make it easy for you.” He says, planting his hook on his hip and running the other one through his ragged hair. “Tomorrow night. I’ll be here. If you’re not, I’ll sail away, and I'll never return. If you’re here, we’ll marry and leave this bollocks about truly loving the Evil Queen far behind us.”

“That’s not fair,” Emma protests outraged, while jumping up herself. “You’re giving me a fucking ultimatum? I already said, I-”

“I am, love. I’m willing to take this leap. Now you have to figure out if you are, too.”

And with those words he stalks off to his quarters, leaving Emma, confused and angry, behind. 

~*~

Emma wants to kick something. Hard. She can’t even believe he’d ask her something like that, not after what she’d told him. And she already told him no. Is he really going to guilt trip her into this? She’s expected a lot, but not a conversation about eloping together. She might want to try and talk to him once more because an ultimatum and a threat of running away are rediculous, but she's already made op her mind. She's not going to marry him. 

Still, she needs to kick something. The unfortunate object is the railing of the pier, looking out over the docks. It probably hurts her foot more than the thick, metal pole which pisses her off even more than the situation already does.   
  
“What did the railing ever do to you?” she hears a faintly amused voice behind her and she whirls around while her stomach suddenly fills up with butterflies, and she gasps. Then, she sways a little. After sleeping for 2 two days and a conversation about marriage she’s not really standing firmly on her feet yet, apparently.

Gloved hands grab her upper arm. “I got you,” a warm, deep voice says, but as soon as Emma steadies herself, Regina lets go. And Emma sighs when a feeling of loss washes over her.

“It’s good to see you up and running again. I was… worried.”

“Well, I heard you’ve kept yourself busy while I was out,” Emma replies. Regina smiles, and she seems content. 

“I guess I have been. You weren’t the only one in need of fixing things as soon as you got back.”

There’s a silence between them. Then, Emma says, “Mary Margaret’s version was a little quick-paced for someone who’d just slept for 2 days. Do you want to talk about it?”

Regina smiles a little but hesitates, and turns to the balustrade. She places her elbows on the railing and stretches her hands in front of her, while staring into the distance. Emma waits, but she feels the tension radiating from Regina’s body.

“Splitting from the Evil Queen was one of the worst mistakes of my life.”

Emma nods. She learned as much in the dream on the New York rooftop. Since she has her memory back, she feels guilty about having encouraged Regina to go through with it. Emma waits for the brunette to continue as she mimics Regina’s pose, with only a little free space between them. Despite the subject, despite the fact that she’s still riled up over Killian’s antics and needs to talk about it with… well, _someone_ , she takes comfort in Regina’s presence. “Tell me,” she says, quietly.

Regina’s eyes flick to the side. For a moment, she seems at a loss for words, but then, she starts talking. And Emma listens. “The sleeping curse… in it, time moves differently. It was a week and a half for you, but it felt like… years for me. It gives you time to think.” She arches an eyebrow. “A lot, actually.” 

Again, there’s a short break before Regina continues. “You know, I once shot an arrow that was designed to show you the person you loved most, and I… cursed it into an arrow that would show me the one I hated most. I was convinced it would lead me to Snow. Instead,” she sighed, “it showed me my mirror. I looked at myself and realized that I loathed myself most of anything. I was shocked, angry, and… I realized it was true.” Her smile is sad. "I hated myself more than I ever did Snow."

She sighs. “When I lived under the curse in Storybrooke, the self-hate seemed to disappear. Or at least, it was pushed back to the back of my mind. I was content with how everything had worked out. I had Henry. And then, you came along.”

She tilts her head to watch Emma's face, whens he continues “Because when you arrived in Storybrooke, I might have hated you and the threat you posed, but even at that time, I hated myself more. And after the curse broke, you gave me chance after chance to redeem myself. Your faith in me, it showed me that I was… That people could actually _like_ me. That I might be able to be more than just the Evil Queen. And at some point I started to like myself. Love perhaps. But my hope shattered when Robin died, and I fell back into my old routines. Old habits die hard, I suppose.” She smiles, but it never reaches her eyes.

Emma wants to interfere, but Regina lifts one hand and the blonde remains silent. “I was so desperate and _angry_ that I couldn’t get away from my evil part. We’ve talked about this, in New York. I felt trapped. No matter what I was going to do, I was always going to lose. I felt like villains, redeemed or not, could never win. And then Jekyll came along with his… _solution._ ” 

She heaves a sigh. “Splitting myself from the Evil Queen enabled me to really personify a part of me that I’ve always hated. I _finally_ had someone I could blame for everything that was or had went wrong in my life, for not having my happy ending, but the truth is….” She inhales deeply again. As if it’s taking her a lot of strength, a lot of courage, to tell her all this.

“The truth is that she is, and will always be, a part of me. And I am a part of her, whether we like it or not. And I figured that out when we fought.”

Emma’s heart goes out to her. She opens her mouth to comment, but Regina’s not finished yet. 

“We fought in my office, she and her - boy, did we fight.” She laughs mirthlessly. “It wasn’t pretty. But then, I ensnared her.” Regina’s hands mimic the gesture, and pulls back her hand, fingers clawed. ” I _ripped_ her heart from her chest with every intention to crush it -- to end it, once and for all… and then I saw my own face in the shattered pieces of my mirror, while she so passionately spat that she hated me… and I just… froze. I couldn’t do it. Her screaming that she hated me, showed me I still hated myself. Or at least a part of me. I tried to destroy the evil queen because I couldn't stand looking at the darkness but.. this darkness, it’s a part of me. It IS me. It’s who I am. And when I finally… accepted that, the choice was easy.” 

“Because once, I didn’t believe I deserved love. Who could ever love an evil queen, right?" The words echo in Emma's head. It is not the first time she's heard them. But this time it is different. She feels the memories of Regina’s self loathing in her bones and she shivers involuntary.

"Well.” Now, Regina’s smile is more genuine. “In the end, it turned out I could. I loved myself enough not to crush her heart and give her a second chance. I had not deemed that possible. Ever. I forgave myself and I was able to do that because of..." She suddenly stops. "Well. I never thought I would never say this and I will probably deny that I ever said it out loud, but not just because of you and Henry, but also these idiots you call your parents." Emma smirks at the words, but Regina sounds oddly fond of them. 

Regina shrugs, and her mouth curls into a small, wry smile. “And so I took back some of her darkness and gave her some of my light. Because… we both _are_ both, and she deserves the light as much as I do.”

She moves slightly, gripping the balustrade. Emma is sure that, had Regina not wore her gloves, her knuckles would be white. “So I chose love over hate. Again, as I might say.” The brunette tilts her head to observe Emma closely, and the blonde shuffles on her feet uncomfortably. It seems that this time, Regina is actually waiting for Emma to say something. But when nothing comes, she turns her body to face the blonde, leaning against the railing. 

“Getting stuck in a sleeping curse… It seemed like forever with occasional visits to you. Or from you, eventually. At first, my magic was strong enough to conjure up some gifts and infiltrate your dreams but when I couldn’t anymore, you started to visit mine. Your trust in me, your persistence, even after you learned who I was and it scared you, it showed me again I might be worthy. That I could get a… fresh start again, maybe. Another chance.” 

She smiles again but her eyes are warmer now. Emma drowns in those dark brown pools as Regina’s hands seek out her own and she feels how something in her chest squeezes, while electric shocks emerge from where Regina’s hands touch her skin. Her stomach drops in a freefall. Like a rollercoaster. Almost intoxicating but nauseating as well. Then, adrenaline, running through her veins. And there are a few moments that flash before her eyes that have nothing to do with the Wish Realm. Moments from before all of that. Moments because of which she might have felt the hole in her heart when she first ended up in the Wish Realm. 

Moments she's always pushed away because she wasn't ready to _think_ about them.

She gasps with a shaky breath. Regina’s poured her heart out. Now, it’s time to say something. But Emma freezes up. The Lost Girl deep inside her takes over, thunders about self preservation, abandonment, rejection. The former Evil Queen might have found a way to love herself and give it away, but is Emma willing to take a chance, risking hurt, a broken heart she will never recover from, and a lifetime of pain?

And Emma panics. 

“Hook wants me to marry him,” she blurts out. Offense is the best defense, flashes through her mind but when she sees the hurt and how the light fades from Regina’s eyes, a split second before she pulls back her hands Emma knows how wrong she’s been. She can already feel the hurt building up inside her. Emma feels empty, now Regina's withdrawn her hands. 

“I see,” is all Regina replies, while wrapping her arms around herself as if she’s cold. She turns again, back to the railing. Stares at the Jolly Roger. “And are you? Going to marry him, I mean?” 

“I- I…no, but,” Emma murmurs, now lost herself. “I told him what… happened between us in the Wish Realm. It’s confusing. And I don’t know… I’ve been thinking about this you know? I wasn’t myself when we… When I… woke you up.” She can’t even say it. “I was still… Princess Emma. I’m not anymore. What if it’s not real? What if that kiss… it’s no longer _valid_ since I woke?” 

She sees how Regina withdraws, physically and emotionally. Her brow furrows and her lips become a thin line and Emma doesn’t want her to go. She wants Regina to know, to understand what she’s going through. But she doesn’t really know how. She’s never been in this position. 

“I- I told him no. I can’t. Not with.. And then he gave till tomorrow evening to decide,” Emma says and she know she hardly makes any sense and that she’s rambling. Regina takes a step back. Smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Not anymore.

“Well. one day is hardly fair, given it’s one of the most important decisions in your life. But then again, he's always been a pathetic excuse of a pirate.” Regina’s voice is lined with sarcasm, but her hand touches Emma upper arm briefly and Emma feels the warmth spreading from it, the goosebumps over her entire body and her stomach jolts. She wants this touch. She doesn’t want Regina to leave.

“Please don’t leave while you’re mad.” 

Regina pauses, but she doesn’t turn around. She just lowers her head, resigned. “I’m not mad, Miss Swan. I’m merely… giving you the time and space to… figure it out. More than a day.” Her head turns, and Emma can see a small, sad smile around Regina's mouth. And Emma wants to reach out and grab her arm, because she can feel the tingling of the brunette’s magic in her own body right before Regina disappears in a purple mist.

Great. This is just great. Emma’s an asshole. Regina’s told her so much about herself in this conversation, and she just ruins it entirely. She groans in frustration and mad at herself, she kicks the pole again. Harder. Her her foot hurts even more. But it is nothing compared to the hurt she experiences from the sudden hole in her heart . 

It’s a familiar feeling, as of late. 

Only this time, she does know what causes it. Who's fault it is.

She’s an fucking idiot.


	18. Chapter 18

Both conversations have exhausted Emma. She wants to go home and crawl into bed, but - no, she doesn’t. It’s the house she wanted with Killian and right now, it feels all wrong. She wants to talk to Red, maybe, but she’s in Regina’s guest room and  _ if _ she’s already been hooked up with a cellphone, Emma doesn’t have her number. Visiting Regina’s house is also not on the top of her list right now. She’d love to see Henry, but can’t drag him out of his mom's house. She hasn’t even seen him today, she sighs.

She sighs and turns, making her way over to the only option left. And maybe it’s what she needs, she muses, albeit it being a very cramped space for so many people. Hopefully Neal’s a good sleeper these days.

She knocks on the door from the apartment she once called home. When David opens the door, he is surprised to see her. “Emma! What are you - Come in!” He throws the door wide open for her and her mom is already rushing in. She squints at Emma, grabs her hand and guides her to the kitchen table. “Emma, sweetie, something’s bothering you. What’s wrong?”

The parallels between this moment and the one in the Wish Realm, on her birthday when it all started are so obvious that Emma tears up. She wipes her nose with the sleeve of her jacket, while ineffectively trying to blink her tears away before they start falling on her cheeks. “I- I don’t want to talk now,” she quietly says, trying to suppress a sob. “I need a place to sleep. Can I crash on your couch?”   
  
She sees how her parents exchange glances before her mom nods. “Of course, Emma. You don’t even need to ask. You can take your old bed, upstairs.”

Emma nods, feeling how the energy is leaving her body. “We’ll talk tomorrow, all right?” she asks and feels relieved when they agree, before she hoists herself up the stairs and falls on the bed. She doesn’t even take the time to undress and falls asleep instantly.

~*~

She wakes because the smell of coffee tickles her nose. Despite the whirling feelings that immediately start up when her brain starts functioning, she feels rested. And… a bit smelly, maybe, she thinks, when she sees that she’s slept into her clothes from the day before. Oh well, nothing she can do about that right now.

She descends from the stairs. She knows she has to talk to her parents. They are talking in the kitchen, but fall silent when she comes down. She casts a small smile into their direction. Without asking, Mary Margaret pours a cup of steaming hot coffee and brings it over.   
  
“Drink up. After, we talk.” 

“I’m so glad you’re together again. Awake, I mean,” she says, gladly accepting the cup and she sees how they smile at each other. They were destined to be with each other in every realm, Emma thinks, as she nearly burns her mouth. “Ouch, that’s  _ hot _ !” she whines, before placing the cup on the kitchen table. 

David snickers, while moving closer to his wife and sliding an arm around her waist. “We’re happy about being awake at the same time again, as well.” Then, he lets go and sits across from Emma. She can see how he’s trying to hold in his questions because Snow just said to drink her coffee first, but Emma doesn’t mind.

“What do you know about what happened to us, already?” she asks them both, and Mary Margaret, who’s also more than happy to start already, sits at a chair on the table’s head, between David and Emma. “Just what Regina told us,” she says, sitting down. “The Evil Queen created an entire realm with her wish, in which you… were never given up.” Pain flashes in her eyes before she closes them momentarily. “You were a princess. The one… you were supposed to be.” 

Emma can’t help but snort. She didn’t really like Princess Emma. Way too sweet. Overly happy and… Singing. But also fearful, a coward. But then, another memory comes to mind. Not just Princess Emma is a coward. Saviour Emma has a cowardly streak as well.

And in the end, Princess Emma was in a way more courageous than Saviour Emma’s ever been. Determined to face her fears, determined to fight for what she thought mattered most. Determined to fight for... she cuts of her own train of thoughts.

She bites her lip when she mulls over her conversation with Regina the other day. She said what she said because she was afraid and she panicked. She wanted to lash out. Drive the other woman away. Because it was way easier to address whatever she was feeling. Still feels. And she feels the panic mounting up again, while at the same time scoffing at herself for being such a moron. 

She stops spiraling when Mary Margaret covers her right hand with hers. David takes her left hand. Surprised, she looks up and meets their gazes. “Regina told us how…  _ we _ , apparently,” she says while nodding to David, “captured the Evil Queen and put her under a sleeping curse.” She shivers. The last sleeping curse is still fresh on her mind. “And that Henry and you woke her up.” 

Ah, so Regina left out a teeny tiny detail. Something for Emma to decide to tell her parents -- or not. Which is actually pretty thoughtful. And she feels how her heart squeezes when she realizes what it means to her. “Yes,” she quietly says. “We found a way.” 

Mary Margaret narrows her eyes. She knows there’s more to the story. “What has you so riled up?” 

Emma’s eyes flick through the room, not wanting to meet her mother’s. Because Mary Margaret, she always knows. In all the realms. For a moment, her gaze rests on her father’s face, who squeezes her hand softly. “You can tell us, you know. We’ll always be here for you.” 

Emma feels the weight of what she’s holding in pressing on her shoulders. She doesn’t want her parents to feel different about her. Rationally, she knows that’s not going to happen. They love her no matter what. Hell, she was the Dark One and they still didn’t back off. But emotionally, there’s still this orphan inside her. A lost girl, believing that love might be a tool to use whenever you want it. That love never comes without conditions and everything can change in the blink of an eye when you least expect it. Because you can be sent off to… well, anywhere if you don’t do as they please.

She meets their gazes and realizes how she still believes it. That love _always_ comes with conditions. Never without.

But she also has memories from a time that she was loved unconditionally. Princess Emma never needed to want for love. That’s how it felt to never been given up. To never wonder how it was like to not have a family, to be moved around on an adult’s whim. And the love the wish versions of her parents had for her, she sees that in Mary Margaret and David’s eyes. It is the same. And it gives her a tiny bit of courage. 

“I don’t want you guys to be weird about this,” she finally says. Her voice is tensed. She’s never at a loss for words. She always has a sharp, snarky comeback. But words fail her right now.   
  
“Sweetie, we’re your parents. We love you, no matter what.” 

“It’s just… so  _ confusing. _ ” Emma feels lost.

“Maybe we can help you figure it out?” David offers. 

Emma wants to. She really does. But can she? Her gaze is watchful; she’s trying to figure out whether or not to share. Does she really have a choice? She has to make a decision before tonight and it’s already late in the morning. And maybe, just maybe, talking to her parents is what she needs right now. 

She exhales deeply. “We broke the curse, but it wasn’t Henry.” She watches them carefully. “It was me.” 

“Oh!” Mary Margaret says, surprised. “How did you do that? I figured Henry broke it with true love’s kiss. Did you find another way?” 

Emma doesn’t say anything. Her father knows, she realizes when she sees his face light up in suprise, and when she doesn’t say anything, she sees how it finally dawns on her mother’s face, as well.

“Oh.  _ Oh.”  _

“Yeah. Oh.” Emma smiles, slightly amused by the shocked look on Mary Margaret’s face. “The entire time I was there, I felt like… part of me was missing. And I realize now that all pieces of the puzzle came together at that moment. But it was Princess Emma who fell for her. Not the real me. Which is what makes it so confusing.”    
  
She tells her parents about the dreams she had, leading up to that very moment. She finds it highly awkward to talk about her feelings - not just to her parents, though that might be an additional factor - but in general. So she skips those. She figures, with true love’s kiss and all, her parents get the jist.

“And then… we both woke up, I guess. I’m not Princess Emma anymore. I’m myself again?” It’s a question nobody can answer right now. “And then, Killian… I told him everything yesterday and he’s given me an ultimatum. He asked him to marry me and let him know by tonight.” 

Mary Margaret gasps and David scowls. “Emma, sweetheart, nobody can force a decision on you,” Snow says,. “It’s not fair of him to ask this of you.”    
  
“I know. That’s what Regina said, as well.”    
  
“You talked to her about this? What did she say?” Mary Margaret now seems a little anxious. Emma can guess what she’s thinking. An Evil Queen with heart pains, that can never be good. 

“She told me to take time to figure it out. And then she disappeared in her signature smoke,” she scoffs. She feels how the grip on both her hands tighten and she looks up. Meets their gaze, one by one. Her parents worry for her. Feel for her. And she feels… secure. Relief that she’s talking about this. That they are talking, as a family. She inhales deeply and slowly exhales, the tension slowly drifting away from her body.

“Do you want us to seek them out?” David asks. Always the knight, Emma thinks, gallantly fighting for what he believes in. And he believes in her, she realizes almost surprised. But still, she shakes her head. 

“No, this one I have to do on my own. I have to fix this.” Emma gets up. There’s something she needs to do. “And I’m going to do it now.” She kisses both her parents before they both pull her in a hug. 

“You know we love you,” Snow says, voice muffled in Emma’s shoulder. “We’re here for you, whatever you decide.” And Emma is grateful for them. It took becoming Princess Emma, but she is finally starting to realize that she is ever so lucky to have them both.

~*~

“Ah, there she is!” The scent of leather and rum reaches her even before he envelopes her in a hug. “I knew you’d make the right choice, love,” he says, and she feels how his heart beats against her chest before she untangles herself from his arms.

“We need to talk,” she says evenly. It’s almost funny how fast the look on his face changes from self-satisfied to suspicious.

“What, you want a say in which ring or dress?” he tries to joke while wiggling his eyebrows but they both know he fails at the attempt.

“I am not leaving with you.” She pushes her fists deep into the back pockets of her jeans. “I’m not running away.” 

Now, Killian outright scowls. “Then why are you here?” 

“To tell you I’m not going with you. I’m choosing not to. And to tell you that you don’t have to leave because of it. I just didn’t want you to leave without ever hearing anything from me anymore.” 

“It wouldn’t even be a choice if that damn  _ witch _ -” 

“Stop it, Killian,” Emma snaps. “This one’s all me. She has nothing to do with it.” 

“Then tell me, love,” he snaps back at her. He’s never snapped at her. Not like this. But she’s not afraid. “Before that Evil Bitch wished you away, would you’ve made the same choice?” 

If Emma’s being honest with herself, she wouldn’t have. After everything they’ve been through together. She probably would’ve taken the chance with him. But there probably would’ve been nagging voice in the back of her head warning her that there might be another way. Another option. And she thinks she would’ve silenced it if he’d popped the question then.

Now, however, everything’s changed. She’s feeling different. Also, a little confused. Not just about a true love’s kiss that might or might not be real because of memory loss, but also because there are shared  _ moments _ that she remembers which might’ve been more than Emma’s ever given them credits for. An interrogation when Doctor Hopper fake-died. A teary goodbye at a town’s line when Pan’s curse hit. Asking for friendship. Absorbing darkness for happiness. The corners of her mouth lift slightly.

“The fact that you have think about it so hard tells me enough.” She hears the hurt in his voice and she turns to face him.

“I know you probably don’t have the need for it but… I’m sorry, Killian. For everything.” 

He huffs, not accepting it. “So, you’re choosing  _ her,  _ then.” He states instead, not willing to let it go. His face turns sour. 

Emma shakes her head. “No, I’m not,” she says and her face lights up a little, as if she’s realizing it for the very first time. “I’m choosing myself right now.” She is. This doesn’t feel right. At all. Not anymore. And she’s got stuff to work through, but she needs to do it without him.

He pauses a moment to mull her words over. “We still can been great together,” he says. It sounds almost pleading. “We fit together quite well, you know. We really don’t need fate to determine who belongs with who and all.” 

She shakes her head, suppressing the need to roll her eyes.

“Once upon a time, we could’ve been.. good together,” Emma agrees. “But maybe we’re destined for something else. Something greater.” A brunette with dark eyes comes to mind, but she’s sure that he doesn’t want to hear that.

Killian snorts in disbelief. “Aye, well. If you’re not coming, I’m leaving, you know that right?” It seems like a half promise and a half threat and Emma won’t let him guilt trip her into staying on board. 

With an exasperated tone, she says: “You don’t have to, but it’s your choice to make. Goodbye, Killian.”

And with those words, she abandons his ship for the final time. She feels his eyes burning in her back but she does not turn until she’s reached the docks. Then, she tilts her head to meet his gaze, but he turns away his and moves below deck.

~*~ 

It’s not much later when the Jolly Rogers sets sail to unknown lands. Apparently, Hook’s found a couple of people to leave with him. She sees the distinguishing red hat of Smee and she thinks she sees a couple of those lost boys they’ve saved years ago. 

Emma watches the ship go, leaning against the railing and her eyes trail the contours until there’s nothing left to see but a tiny dot in the distance. He didn’t have to go, but at the same time, she feels relief. She doesn’t need the accusations. She doesn’t want to be chased, being questioned over her choices.

Choices. She’s told him that she chooses herself. It means she’s got stuff to work through because if she wants to talk to Regina - and she really wants to, even if it’s just to apologize - she can’t freak out again. Regina doesn’t deserve that. But how?

She turns around with a sigh -

And yelps when she sees she’s not alone.

“Bad conscience now, have you?” Red snickers and despite everything, Emma’s mouth curls up. 

“Hook’s gone.”

She sees how Red wants to shrug, but then the she-wolf stops midway the gesture. “I’m sorry, Emma. Hook in our world was an odd, old, drunk, sorry excuse for a pirate. But I can see you cared for this one.” She sits down on one of the benches that decorate the docks and Emma sits down next to her.

Emma hums a bit undefined.

Red’s eyes narrow and she eyes her friends suspiciously. “Caring isn’t loving. You know that, right?” Emma gets a little prickly. Talking about feelings does that to her. No matter in what realm. And Red, well, she doesn’t have a tact filter.

“I’m sorry Red,you might’ve known Princess Emma but there’s a lot of things about the real me that you don’t know,” she huffs. But Red is not impressed.

“Maybe not, but I can smell love. It radiates off of people in a unique scent. I’ve seen you and the pirate together and trust me, what you felt for him is nowhere near the deep, passionate true love that erupts from Snow and David in waves. In both realms, I might add.” Red’s carefully looks at Emma’s face, trying to find something that isn’t there. Yet. Emma frowns. 

“Really. You  _ smell _ love.” It’s not a question. Just a disbelieving snort. And Red nods stubbornly.. 

“For sure. It’s both sweet and salty. Flowery, as well. I smelled it on you. Back home.”

Emma’s head jerks up and she protests immediately. “That was Princess Emma. Not me,” she snaps in defense. Red is hardly impressed.

“No, it wasn’t. I get this Emma, sitting next to me, has a history I know nothing about but my nose never lies. Those days in the palace after Regina woke up, you reeked of it.” She waits a moment and flashes her a toothy smile. “You did too, when you woke up yesterday. My nose never lies. So cut the crap and say that it was just Princess Emma because we both know that it’s not true. So tell me, what are you so afraid of?” 

Emma is silent for a long time. She’s hesitant to accept. Can’t just let it in. She still fights it. Even though her insides twist and she feels the hole she has before. In the wishverse. She took it back home with her. 

“Look, Emma,” Red sighs, exasperated, “When this entire adventure started, you trusted on your intuition. Your gut feeling. It might’ve backfired once, but for the most part you got her out. Just because you believed you could and you trusted yourself. How is this any different?”

“I’m scared of… of rejection,” Emma finally murmurs. 

“Rejection? Of what?” Red narrows her eyes, pauses, and then snorts. “So, you’re never going to take  _ any  _ chance on  _ anyone?” _

“That’s not what I said,” Emma protests.

“Well yes, it kind of is. So everyone who gets to close to you, you’ll push away because you’re afraid they’re going to do it first?” Red scoffs. I'd never expected you to be a coward. Or so selfish,” she scoffs. “In that sense, Princess Emma was a whole lot braver.”

Emma looks up, aggravated, her feelings hurt by Red’s sharp words. “I just told you… Why am I being selfish?” 

“Okay, so, listen. Regina’s offered me a place to stay while I figure out what I’m going to do now I’m here. The past two days, I’ve gotten to know her a little. I have to admit I was a little wary of her at first, you know, her being the Evil Queen and all. But she’s a good person. And she’s over the moon for you. While you were sleeping she kept asking about you. And she reeks of love for you.” Her eyes glimmer in frustration. “When  _ you  _ deny the true love you share, you’re also taking it away to her. Not really fair now, is it? We’re all scared sometimes. But sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith. Or, you know, start to trust your gut feeling again.” 

Emma’s thoughts swirl. Her insides twist. Her heart squeezes painfully. “I… I hadn’t thought about it that way.” 

Red wraps an arm around her shoulders.”I know you hadn’t. Because the Emma I know and this one are more similar than you think.” 

Emma’s heart starts to pound in her throat and she looks at Red. She has to do  _ something. _ Red smirks again. “I can sense your restlessness. Go to her.” 

“I- I don’t know where. I don’t even know if she’ll want to talk to me after I...” She cringes when she remembers what she said to Regina yesterday.

“Sure she does,” Red confidently says. “And she’s in her vault. I sniffed her out a while ago. Have to take care of her a little bit. So, no more excuses.” 

Emma inhales deeply as she squeezes Red’s hand in a thank you, before she gets up.

No more excuses.


	19. Chapter 19

While descending the stairs to the vault underneath the mausoleum, Emma thinks about other times she’s been here. The very first time during which Regina snapped at her not to touch anything. When the brunette wanted to teach her magic. With Elsa, when they needed the Evil Queen to shatter the ribbons. 

But there’s another memory, more recent, and she’s not the only one who remembers. 

“Well. This is an oddly familiar setting.” Regina stands in front of her mirror and seems a little exasperated when she turns with a sigh to face Emma. Emma smirks anxiously, remembering how she once stood in front of her at this exact same spot. Telling Regina that they both knew the feeling of being rejected, being misunderstood. That it made them unique, maybe even special. That she was looking for her to be her _friend._ Regina telling her that no, she doesn’t want to murder her. And Emma recalls how she didn’t acknowledge the moment for what it was. 

In retrospect, it was a lost chance. She wanted the connection back. The one she had destroyed when she brought back Marian. 

But now, she knows, it wasn't just _a_ connection. It was a very real one that they both ignored because it just wasn't the time or place. But even though she rationally understands -- the fear of rejection she talked about? Still here. She can feel it, coiling in her guts, no matter what Red’s just told her. No more excuses, she tells herself.

"Hi," she offers, but it sounds lame even to her own ears and Regina sighs.

"What do you want, Miss Swan?” She sounds a little tired. Wary. And Emma doesn’t really like that she’s now back to being Miss Swan, even though she understands Regina needs the distance it’s creating between the them. 

Gathering all her courage, she says: "I… Want to talk to you. About... what I said.. what happened at the docks. If you’ll allow me. Because I… I was an asshole.” 

Emma doesn’t smile, but she takes a step closer and her heart hurts when she sees how Regina straightens her back. As if she needs some form of defense to guard herself for what’s coming. 

“I know I probably don’t deserve you listening to me, but… please?”

Regina folds her arms, and nods stiffly. Emma breathes out. It feels like a small victory. Now, she must do the same as Regina did yesterday: expose her feelings. She takes a deep breath and searches for a beginning.

“I'm not sure if I would ever have come here if it weren't for the determination Princess Emma... I.. had when I didn't have my real memories yet." Her mouth twitches a little. "So I guess... I wanted to make use of it now _her_ memories are still fresh in my mind. And... her bravery as well."

Regina seems surprised. “Princess Emma, the brave?” She scoffs but Emma is deadly serious. 

“She _is,"_ Emma defends herself. "She fought for something she’d never even seen but still believed in. And when she fought for what she wanted, she was bolder than I’ve ever been.” She doesn’t specify on which territories, but she can see that Regina doesn’t need the additional explanation. The corners of Emma’s mouth twitch momentarily. “Apparently, being Princess Emma relieved me of some emotional burdens I had before as... Saviour Emma, I guess. Yesterday, when you talked about… you… I- I panicked. Froze. And I... I wanted to push you away so I threw so much on you right after… And I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that.” 

Emma still sees the wary gaze on Regina’s face and wishes it away. It makes her continue, grimacing. “It’s not easy to talk… about me. Princess Emma did a way better job at that. So… please bare with me?” It sounds like a plea and maybe it is one. They both know that Emma’s never trusted anyone easily. Let alone open up about anything that has to do with emotions.

Emma inhales deeply. “All right. Here we go. I think I have to go back a while to… really explain what happened yesterday.” She shoots Regina an apologetic smile before she continues.

“Talking about _feelings..._ it's still a strange concept for me. So is... love, I guess. When you grow up in the system, there's not a lot of positive feelings or love. I never really felt loved. It’s not that I never _was_ , but when you get bounced around, it’s hard to let people in. Because it never feels real. It feels that there's always conditions. As if there’s always a price to pay." She sees how Regina winces and she smiles apologetically. "For a long time, love meant nothing. It was a tool to use. People dangle it in front of you, and you so desperately want it and hold on to it that you’ll do anything to keep it. But as soon as you mess up, you’re off to the next family or group home. And that feeling, that love doesn’t mean anything and that it _always_ comes with terms and conditions, you carry it with you, a long way into adulthood. It’s… always easier, I guess, to hide your feelings or run away when things - people - get too close.” Emma smirks apologetically. “That’s what I’ve been doing before coming to Storybrooke. I didn’t have any friends in Boston, or New York. Why do you think that is? And then, on my birthday, I wished I wasn’t alone, Henry showed up and brought me to Storybrooke, and things changed. Suddenly I had a family and a kid and a whole town that cared. I never knew what hit me.” She glances at Regina and smirks. “Or, well, maybe not the _entire_ town.”  
  
Regina arches an eyebrow. “You grew on me. Eventually,” she scoffs, but there's a soft glance in her eyes. “And the fighting was…. exhilarating, in a way.” 

Emma smirks. “I know, right." Then, she gets more serious again. "Eventually, we ended up in Neverland and… After, things were different. I thought, before Pan’s curse hit, there was...” Her smirk turns into a frown and she searches for words. “After New York, when I got back… You had Robin. And I… guess I eventually ended up with Hook.” 

The fact that Emma mentions him by his nickname instead of his first name doesn’t go unnoticed, but Regina only arches an eyebrow and waits for her to continue. They both know Emma spooks easily and maybe they are both a little surprised Emma’s gotten this far already. But the blonde is determined to pull through. 

“And then everything in between happened. You having to give up Robin because of me. Us finding him and Zelena and me... becoming the Dark One. Hook dying and my determination to get him out and then…” She swallows hard when she sees the flash of pain in Regina’s eyes.

“Robin dying,” the brunette mutters.

“Yes.” She pauses a bit, before continuing. “And then splitting the Evil Queens, my visions and us ending up in the Wish Realm. In which I became a completely different person.” 

She feels a bit lost and needs to be grounded, because she feels how her body mechanically tenses up, telling her to bolt. It’s what she knows, when she feels too much. She will just pick up her duffel back, step into her yellow bug and flee. And now, she almost does.

But then, she jerks her head around when she feels the soft touch of Regina’s hands on her lower arm. Regina knows, Emma realises. The extended hand is not just for keeping her steady. It’s preventing her to run. Suddenly, it is like her feet are on solid ground - Regina grounds her, both emotionally and physically.

The brunette guides Emma to a sofa and sits down with her, before releasing Emma’s arm, in order to give her some space to continue. It instantly feels like a loss. And the intensity of her feelings it still scares Emma deeply.

“From the start, every since my birthday in the Wish Realm… I felt something was missing. I felt this emptiness. A- a hole in my heart, as you will. A-and when I dreamed… When I got to know you… it disappeared. It went away.” She looks up, smiles a bit sheepishly and almost wants to apologize for saying it, but Regina looks back at her with a deadly serious glance in her eyes. 

“Okay,” Emma continues, strengthened by the fact that Regina doesn’t mock her, “And I was determined to help you, even though part of me didn’t believe that it was true.” 

Regina snorts and Emma rolls her eyes. “I know. Not much different from the real me on that front. And then I found you and I woke you up and -- I don’t know. It’s still hard to believe. Mainly because I was Princess Emma then and afterwards, I had this whole new set of memories. Again. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know what was real anymore. And then we came home and Gideon was there.”

Regina nods, brow furrowed. 

“I was prepared to die there.” Emma’s voice is shaky and she feels how Regina’s hands tentatively search hers. Emma looks up, thankful for the touch which encourage her to go on, and she laces their fingers. “But for some reason I still don’t know… I didn’t die. Not yet, anyway.”

Regina’s fingers tighten around hers. “I’m happy you are here,” she quietly says. “I thought I’d…” She stops, not able to finish her sentence but the unspoken words linger in the air. Emma just meets Regina's eyes and nods. Emma doesn’t really want to address this subject any further and is saved by Regina, who nudges her softly, guiding her away from the subject that’s called Gideon and implies a violent death. 

“And what about Hook?” Regina asks. She needs to know, Emma can see it. She sighs.

“He asked me to marry him. I told him no. Several times. He accused me of choosing you, but what I _had_ to do was… choose myself, I guess. And that feels like something I haven’t done in a very long time.” She lifts her head, realizing she’s been gazing to their intertwined fingers for a while now. She can’t see where her fingers and and Regina’s begin, before looking up and locking her gaze with Regina’s. 

Emma can see that this is the part Regina doesn’t really want to hear, but she needs to. “After Neverland, after New York… when you and Robin… Well, Hook was… available, I guess. Always around. And for someone who’s not used to devoting attention… that means something. You were there when we met him. In Neverland. He was very… adamant about winning me over.” 

Regina snorts. “He followed you around like a lovesick puppy,” she huffs.

Emma hums in agreement, but doesn’t add to the comment. “He never gave up. And as I said, I always had people giving me up. When I was a baby, when I was living in foster families… I never had someone who was willing to fight for me. For a long time, his attention felt like a trap. Like, as soon as I’d give in to any of it, something would happen. I’d be kicked to the curve. Conditions." She gazes at her, apologetically. 

"What Hook did... he gave me the feeling that I mattered. Even more, that I was worth loving. In retrospect, that’s what I loved. The feeling he gave me. Not him, specifically.”

She smiled wryly. “It was… easy, I guess. For someone who’s never known love, it was more than enough. And when I lost that, I went to hell to get it back, not wanting to give it up. I got it back. And I think with what I had then, I could’ve been content with it for a very long time…. because I didn’t know how it _could_ be. Or how it _should_ be. And then, I was wished away and you came after me.” 

She inhales deeply. “Today, I went to his ship. And I told him I wasn’t going with him. He deserved that much. But when I looked at him… I realized he always loved me more than I could ever love him. I loved him for what he saw in me, but I was never in love with him. Not really. I know that now.” Emma narrows her eyes just a fraction when she adds: “And then, I told him I’m choosing me.” 

Regina lets the words sink in for a little while. “That’s good.” 

There’s a long silence between them, before Emma softly says: “There’s these memories. These real memories. They got me thinking… they meant more than I ever thought they had. I hated myself and hated how you treated me when Robin left with Marian. I didn’t want that distance between us. I felt so… lost without you. I remember coming here here and being so relieved when you told me you didn’t want to murder me.” She tightens her grip around Regina’s fingers. “And becoming the Dark One, taking the darkness when it was ready to devour you… I _wanted_ you to be happy and have your best chance to live your happy ending because that's what I _promised_ you I would give you. Even though it wasn’t…” 

_With me._ She doesn’t say it, but they can both feel the words lingering heavy in the air.

Now, it’s Regina who shifts uncomfortably. "I once compared myself to Hook," the brunette sais quietly, " I told you he did not deserve you and I meant it… I still do. I also told you that he and I... are much alike, in a way. I am still a villain, Emma. People I care about... they tend to die." She smiles wryly. "Sometimes even by my own hand."

Emma snorts. "Well, if we _are_ going to play the game of who has the most dead lovers, I don't have a particularly fine track record in that department either. I guess you don’t have to be a villain for that - a saviour will do just fine. And hey, at least we get to save each other’s asses every time. We’ve done more of that than I can even remember.”

Regina smiles. It’s true. “I have to say, dear… You were right. Princess Emma is in some ways more courageous than Saviour Emma. Who would have thought.” Regina nearly sounds playful, trying to break the weight of all that they’ve talked about.

Emma can’t help but laugh a little. “Yeah… who would have?” 

“But honestly, Emma…" Regina's face turns serious. "Can you not see that both Princess Emma and Saviour Emma… it is both you? You, as well, are trying to keep the two apart. Like I have done with the Evil Queen. But both versions are just another side of who you are. You are brave. You are bold. Not someone else. Not another version of you. It’s been you, all along.”

Emma is silent for a little while, and Regina continues: “Both these parts of you have strengths and weaknesses. But combined, they are a force of nature. _You_ are a force of nature,” she gently adds, pushing a string of blond hair behind Emma’s ear. “You once said we are alike, you and I. And you are right. You have always understood me in a way, on a level that nobody else ever could. Not… not even Robin.” Emma sees a flash of pain and regret in Regina’s eyes, and something else, something so intense that it takes Emma's breath away.

She averts her eyes. The sudden intensity of Regina’s dark gaze and her own feelings is something she both desperately wants - no, _needs_ \- and fears. And as if that is some sort of cue, she notices how the restlessness swiftly returns, now everything is coming together. Is coming too close. Her eyes flick to the vault’s exit.

She slowly pulls her hands back, releasing Regina’s fingers and she stands up. She notices the confusion in Regina’s eyes. “I, uh… I need to…” She makes a faint wave at the exit. “I just… I wanted to return the favor of opening up and…” She laughs nervously. “And I don’t know how to go from here or where to start to start or…” She shrugs helplessly, taking a few steps away from Regina.

She braces herself. That’s what she’s doing. The urge to run has returned. She feels it pulsating through her body. There’s this need to flee from decisions made with outcomes she can’t handle. Best to bolt before a decision is being made.

There only needs to come one word of rejection, and Emma’s gone. She knows her pattern. She also knows it's hard to resist. “So… think about it? Everything?” she meekly adds, eyes turned to the ground.

“Emma?” 

The blonde tilts her head. Her entire body tenses up when she tentatively searches for Regina's eyes. She's... surprised, that Regina smiles at her. The brunette extends a hand.

“Do not run away. We have... started just fine.” 

Emma stares at Regina. Regina, who knows her too well. She exhales, unaware that she kept in her breath in the first place and she notices how her shoulders relax a little. It’s relief, but it’s short lived because Regina stands up and takes a careful step. And then, another one, till she’s reached Emma’s personal space again. Emma's breath is shaky, but she can't do anything else but stare at her. "Thank you, for everything you said. And I just want you to know... I don't expect anything from you," Regina softly says, touching her arm. "No conditions." 

Emma’s blood sings when suddenly, a weight falls off of her shoulders. Even though her breathing is a little shaky of emotions and all that they have shared just now, she feels more at ease than she has ever before in Regina’s vicinity. Apparently, it’s liberating when you don’t suppress what’s always been there, she realizes. And when you know that at least some of it is reciprocal.

But the air swiftly changes to electric when Regina lifts her hand to touch Emma’s cheek. Emma nearly chokes on her breath. Fire erupts in her belly from anticipation, from -

Her phone beeps and she wants to groan. The message is from David, and it contains only one single line. _Gideon has resurfaced at Gold’s shop_. 

Crap.

These emotions have kind of made her forget about her imminent death. Dread washes over her.

“I… I have to go,” she murmurs, taking a step back. “Gideon’s back.” She shows her the message.

The instant despair on Regina’s face makes Emma want to cry and she takes another step back.

“No, Emma. Wait.”

Emma holds still and sees Regina stepping in again. There’s a sense of despair in her eyes. “I know you have to go, but first, now we still have this chance -” She swiftly closes the space between them , cupping Emma’s face and pulling her close and then their lips finally, _finally_ meet. 

Emma’s inside explode and she hears herself whimper - she can’t deny she hasn’t dreamt of this moment - and soon after, her thoughts dissipate and her lips start to tingle as a tongue slowly slips inside her mouth. Emma gasps, raises her own hands to grab the back of Regina’s head to pull her even closer before tilting her head and granting Regina all the access she wants. This, this is what coming home feels like, she realizes, and it feels like all the missing pieces come together -- at the moment the entire puzzle - her life - is destined to fall apart. The kiss becomes more aggressive, more desperate at the same time until they both run out of air and they have to part, panting heavily, but they’re still clinging to each other. Emma wraps her arms around Regina’s waist.

“I don’t want to go,” she murmurs after catching her breath. No, it’s not that. She just doesn’t want to _die,_ especially now. Not now they've finally come together and they finally worked through all the issues they Her forehead rests against Regina’s. Nerves are playing up again. She tries to steady her trembling hand by balling it into a fist. But she’s surprised when Regina gently takes it and laces her fingers with hers.

“We’re going to do what we always do,” Regina quietly answers. “We’re going to fight him together.” 

For the first time, Emma start to believe that maybe, this time, she can both survive and find happiness. For the first time, she thinks that maybe, she _can_ have it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter, folks! <3 And I promise, it'll be somewhere this weekend :)


	20. Chapter 20

Main Street is abandoned, they notice, while it isn’t even that late. It’s not that Storybrooke is a very vibrant little town, but it’s eerily quiet. They arrive right before sunset. The final sunrays warm their skin. The contrast with the emptiness of the town’s most vibrant area sends a shiver down Emma’s spine. They are close to Gold’s shop now; they’ve just passed Marco’s and Emma is nervous.

She feels a soft squeeze in her hand. The touch sooths her, if only a little. She glances up to meet Regina’s eyes, who’s right beside her. Her shiver didn’t go unnoticed. She grimaces, but her body radiates tension. Not the good kind. “Where’s a genie when you need one, right?” she murmurs to her - to whatever Regina is to her now. “It’d be so much easier just to wish Gideon away.” 

“Easier, but what is the fun in that, Saviour?”

She stiffens immediately before whirling around. It’s the second time Gideon has surprised her and it immediately feels that she’s in the disadvantaged position. He smirks, because he knows it too. In one smooth movement, he unsheaths his sword. At the same time, she reaches for hers - but then remembers that one shattered in their first encounter. She curses herself for coming here, unarmed.

“Emma, duck,” Regina snaps, while raising her hand, summoning a fireball and throwing it towards Gideon in one fluent motion, but he easily avoids it and with a forceful magical push, he sends Regina flying through the air. Horrified, Emma sees how Regina crashes into the wall next to Gold’s shop at full speed and falls to the curb, where she stays motionless. Blood erupts from a wound on her head. “No,” Emma cries out, and she wants - needs to go after her. But Gideon is blocking her path. 

“Stupid witch,” Gideon snarls. “I just want you. It’s her own fault. She shouldn’t have interfered.”

Emma doesn’t care what he says, she _needs_ to know that Regina’s all right. But the brunette isn’t moving and despair rages through her. Eyes wide, she looks around, trying to find a way to get to Regina. 

“Emma,” her father cries and when she turns, he throws his own sword towards her. She catches it easily, while turning towards her opponent. “Regina!” Emma calls out again, but still no movement. “Check on her!” she orders David.

Gideon bares his teeth, lunging forward. His smirk from moments before has vanished. Her heart races in her chest when she anticipates his moves and raises her father’s sword to fend off. He tries again and again, she blocks it while she spots her father hurrying to the fallen woman. She needs to buy him time, because she does not trust Gideon to leave them alone if she fails. 

“Mom!” she hears then. Shock jolts through her body as Henry comes running around the corner of Gold’s shop. 

“Henry, wait!” Red cries after him. No, no, NO, they shouldn’t be here! “Go to your mom!” Emma bellows, while turning away from another blow.

She hears how Gideon barks out a laugh. “No one is going to save you now,” Gideon says darkly and she meets his gaze when his sword comes down. She raises her in defense, their swords come together loudly and she parries off the attack.

“No one needs to save me -- I’m the saviour,” she growls through gritted teeth while turning away quickly to dodge another blow, before she lunges forward herself. “I’m fighting for the people I love.” 

“You do, don’t you?” Gideon avoids the attack and takes a step back and lazily waves his sword at Regina, who’s still lying motionless on the ground. 

Rage consumes her. “You don’t touch her,” she snarls while lashing out to him. Her anger makes the blow uncontrolled and Gideon easily avoids her attack, he chuckling darkly. 

“Give it up, Saviour,” Gideon snarls, but she is not going to. She can’t. 

Adrenaline rushes through her veins, powered by an insane amount of worry and despair as she sees how David, Henry and Red are trying to get Regina to wake up. Belle and Gold have appeared from the shop, also rushing over to the fallen mayor.

She needs to know if Regina is all right, if she is still alive. Her sword takes another blow and she pants heavily as the strike rings through her arms. While she tries to match his strength, he lifts his leg and forcefully stomps it into her belly. Emma doubles over and stumbles a few steps backwards. 

“Give me your magic,” he demands. 

Emma growls, recuperating. “Don’t you know? This magic, it’s hope. It’s _light._ You want white magic to destroy the Black Fairy’s dark magic, but it can’t,” she pants, while closing the distance between them again, “Light can only create more _light_.” 

He steps aside, almost dancing, while baring his teeth. “That won’t stop me from trying,” he growls. He lunges forward, but she’s prepared - Mulan’s taught her well. 

She lashes out with her sword and Gideon bends backwards to escape the blow as she growls: “I will do what _all_ saviours must. I will give _hope, share the light-_ ” she raises her leg and mimics the blow she received from Gideon moments before. He collapses while stumbling backwards but gathers himself quickly and with a groan, he lashes out to her. 

He’s strong, He probably has more stamina than she has. She won’t be able to fend him off forever. Her magic starts to bubble inside her body. She can feel how it rises up, starts to control her movements and then, suddenly, she gasps when realization strikes -- she knows, she knows what to do when her sword and Gideon’s clang together once more. She knows that in order to protect her family, _and him, too,_ she will need to sacrifice herself. Her magic sings inside her. Takes over intuitively because rationally, she might not be able to make this decision. 

She jumps backwards, away from his sword and stares at him, and everything falls away from her. “- no matter what the cost.” She looks at him before her eyes flick to Regina but Red and David are in front of her so she can’t see what’s happening. Her eyes move back to Gideon and then she throws her sword away. Gideon stands surprised and briefly is unsure what to do, while his eyes flick from the sword on the ground to the Saviour in front of him. 

The look on her face must have explained all. Gideon’s face, once vile and cold, now seems as haunted as she feels inside as he says: “I’m sorry, Emma.” He smiles wistfully and his breath hitches, as if he’s truly sorry to see her give up the fight, maybe even as if he’s _disappointed_ in her. “I was hoping you’d save us both.”

She closes her eyes, silently asking her family for forgiveness. When she opens them to look at him a final time, her eyes are wet with unshed tears and she returns his smile with a trembling one of her own. As if she’s apologizing for not being able to save him.

Then, he steps forward and with a groan, he runs his sword through her. 

“NO!” she hears and it’s music to her ears. Teary eyes flick to the curb and she sees Regina, awake, supported by her father and Red and Belle and all is well. Regina’s all right, and that’s all that matters in the end. I love you, she wants to tell her, but she can’t because the pain then hits her brain and with an “Ungh,” Emma doubles over, feeling the urge to vomit. 

First, it’s a searing hot pain, but it swiftly becomes a dull throbbing and she doesn’t understand _why_ and when he pulls back the sword she gasps for air. Her eyes open but don’t see anything, she throws her head backwards to the sky while a bright white light erupts from the gash in her stomach. She sees Gideon’s faint smile before the light blinds them both and it seems like she’s being carried away, she feels light as if she floats while her feet are still on the ground. Then, she groans in agony and while the light which first burst out of her she seems to implode and the last thing she registers is how her feet give away and she falls.

~*~

She’s outside of her body, and yet, she’s still inside. She feels Henry’s touch on her shoulder and sees it from above. Magic. She sees how Regina insists of getting to her and how David and Red all but carry her over. Henry tears up and blinks rapidly as he chokes. “I love you,” he whispers, while Regina pulls loose and drops down next to him. There’s blood on Regina’s clothes and hands, from her own head wound.

“Emma, Emma. _Miss Swan!_ Wake up. This is not what we agreed upon,” she snaps at her, grabbing Emma’s shoulder with one hand and covering her midsection, where the wound used to be. 

There’s nothing, now. Magic took everything.

“Mom! Can you heal her?” Henry pleads with a shaky voice. Red sinks down next to him, striking Emma’s hair out of her face and wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

Regina tries, but she’s just taken an enormous blow to the head. She’s still regaining her strength. 

_It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re okay._

“I… I can’t.” Misery drips from her words. Hey eyes are puffy and red-rimmed. 

"I can’t find a pulse,” David cries out, tears rolling over his cheeks, pressing his fingers to Emma’s throat and Regina bends over to feel her breath. They’re all desperately looking for _some_ sign of life, not ready to give up on her. 

“Emma! Let me through,” Mary Margaret wails as she almost pushes David aside. “I know CPR!” 

Regina scoffs, and bellows: “Quiet!”

Instantly, all voices die out and Regina keeps still, hovering over Emma’s face, moving her hand to Emma’s chest see and feel if there’s any movement. She narrows her eyes, wondering if the movement she thinks she sees, the breath she thinks she feels, is real or just a figment of her imagination. For a moment, everyone is silent and still.

Then, Mary Margaret shifts. “Do it, Regina,” she softly says.

Regina’s haunted eyes flick to her former nemesis. “What?”

“We saw what happened,” David murmured. “It was magic, so it’s worth a shot. Kiss her.”

There’s a silence filled with confusion and fear when it dawns on everyone what Mary Margaret and David imply. With a shaky breath, Regina’s eyes turn to Henry, who looks back, wide eyed. She offers him a small smile. And then Regina bends over and with a half choke, half whisper, she presses her lips on Emma’s.

Emma feels a jolt inside her body and outside her body as they merge in what feels like an explosion when a rainbow bursts from their lips. 

She gasps for air and opens her eyes, blinking at Regina, staring up at her. “I love you too,” she breathes as she struggles to hoist herself up not very elegantly with a slight wince. “I love you too,” she repeats, drawing the brunette into her arms, burying her face in Regina’s shoulder. Regina eases into it with a half sob and they cling to each other, not wanting to let go. Henry wraps his arms around them both and they make room and then there’s Mary Margaret and David and Red who all jump on the bandwagon until Emma wheezes.

“Back off,” Regina snaps at them, but her voice is shaky and the authority she usually has falters. Still, they give Emma her much needed space. 

“W-where’s Gideon?” she then asks, looking around with a guarded expression. But before anyone can answer, they hear a small cry coming from behind them and Belle, who’s kept her distance ever since arriving at the scene, stumbles to a cradle next to a parked car, swaying lightly. Gold is only one step behind her and when Belle’s breath hitches, Gold steadies here. “It’s Gideon,” Belle breathes, while she kneels next to the crib to pick up the baby. 

“A fresh start,” Emma hears Gold whisper, but Belle shakes her head. 

“No,” she says, looking up from the baby momentarily, clinging to it as if she never wants to let him go again, “A happy beginning.” 

~*~

Emma’s magic has exhausted her - again. This time, Regina insists that Emma comes with her and Emma does not protest. However, she notices how the brunette tenses up with every step they get closer to the mansion. Red and Henry follow behind them while they make their way over to Mifflin Street.

As soon as they are inside, Regina whirls around to face her, tension finally coming to an angry eruption.

“What the hell were you _thinking_?” Regina snaps at Emma, who’s stumbling back, flabbergasted because of the sudden outburst. 

“Uh, okay. We’ll be upstairs,” Red mutters, shoving Henry to the stairs, ignoring his protests. Emma waits until she hears a door closing.  
  
Emma shakes her head. “I … I don’t know. Magic -- it… It took over? It was like I knew exactly what to do.”   
  
“Knew exactly -- By getting yourself _impaled_?” Regina explodes. “ Were you even thinking at ALL?! What about Henry? What about… ” She cuts off her sentence but forcefully jabs her finger in Emma’s stomach with every word she barks out - exactly the place where the sword ran through her not long before.

Emma winces and grabs Regina’s wrist to stop her. “Do _you_ know how desperate I was when I saw you flying through the air, hitting that wall and you not getting up?” she snaps back. “There was so much blood and -- I needed to give them time to get you out of there and when the magic… It took over…. and you woke up…”

She shudders, and Regina’s anger dissipates, if only a little. “I thought you were dead,” she whispers.

Emma nods. “Me, too.”

For a moment, they stare at each other. Then, they desperately reach out for one another - Emma gives Regina’s wrist a firm thug, wrapping her arms around Regina’s waist and drawing her close, and Regina wraps her arms around Emma’s neck before their lips crash together in a desperate attempt to make sure, _really make sure_ that they are both okay. While Emma nibbles Regina’s lower lip, Regina takes over with force and sinks her teeth in hers. Emma whimpers. She pushes the brunette against the front door while Regina’s shaky breath creates a surging flame in Emma’s stomach. Her blood runs through her veins like lava as they finally break. Her chest burns and feels full. As if nothing fits in anymore. She’s too full. Too full of feelings, of Regina, of _everything._ And she loves the feeling. of 

They look at each other briefly, before melting together again. This time their kiss is more gentle Regina’s hands brush over Emma’s back, causing goosebumps to erupt over her entire body and she gasps. She feels Regina’s smirk against her lips, before the brunette slowly pulls back and cups her face. Emma raises her hands to strike the hair from Regina’s face.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Regina murmurs and Emma softly runs her fingers over Regina’s cheeks. 

“Yeah?” she smiles.

Regina nods, before she leans in again. Emma welcomes her by tightening her embrace, pushing her leg between Regina’s and catching plump lips with her own. A burning sensation shoots through her entire body as she ravishes Regina’s mouth, and she can’t get over how _good_ this is. When she let’s go Regina looks dazed. And extremely well kissed, Emma sees, very satisfied with herself. 

“I want you to know… it was you all along,” Emma says then, trying to catch her own breath. “Despite everything. And everyone. You always came first in my mind and I’ve come to realize that I’ve always felt this connection with you. I just didn’t see. Or maybe I didn’t want to, at first.” She covers Regina’s face with small kisses. 

Breathing heavily, Regina leans her forehead to Emma’s. “You’re a thick-headed, non believing idiot, Emma. And I love you.” 

And for the first time, the words don’t scare her. She feels like she’s come home. There’s no conditions to Regina’s love. For the first time in forever, she doesn’t want to bolt. And even though she knows it’s probably never going to be easy, she realizes this is exactly what she’s always wanted. Almost from the start, when she delivered Henry back and looked into those dark brown eyes for the very first time. 

“When we were in the wish realm I asked myself so many times, why did I wish you were here? Even before I knew who you were. I love you too,” she says, smiling more brightly than she’s ever done before. “So yeah, thick-headed,” she knocks against her own head, “but I think I’ve loved you for for a very long time.” There’s still a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out. But right now, all that matters is that they’re here and they’re together. 

Regina sighs. She looks happy, Emma sees, while her nose nuzzles Regina’s cheekbone. For a few seconds, they stand like that until Emma lifts her head.

“I told you,” she smirks.

“You told me what?” Regina asks with a slightly wary smile. 

“We get to save each other’s asses every time. Thank you for that, by the way.” 

Regina rolls her eyes, and Emma laughs before she leans in again to catch Regina’s lips.

“Uh, moms? Are you done fighting or kissing or whatever?” 

Henry’s voice pulls them out of their bubble and Emma, who’s standing with her back to the staircase, turns.

“For the moment, we are, kid,” she answers for the both of them, while placing a kiss on Regina’s temple (and she’s very pleased to notice that Regina’s breath momentarily hitches). 

“With fighting, at least.”

Henry surges forward and embraces them both. Emma meets Regina’s gaze and sighs, happy, while she tightens the grip on her family. She realizes the hole in her heart was always there, even before the Wish Realm and for the first time in forever, she doesn’t feel it. Home wasn't the multiple families she spent time in when she was young. It wasn't Boston, Mary Margaret's loft, not even the Wish Realm, she realizes when she feels how Regina's arm slips around her waist. She smiles.

She loves. She’s loved.

And right here, in Regina's and Henry's arms, she’s home. 


End file.
